Be a Dog Not a Cat

Dog and cat – the eternal dichotomy of the first world (since we can’t talk about men and women anymore).

There’s an old joke that goes like this:

The dog says, “You feed me; you shelter me; you play with me; you care for me…you must be God!”

The cat says, “You feed me; you shelter me; you play with me; you care for me…I must be God!”

We take an extreme example to make a point – and the point is this: Decide to be the dog. Here’s why…

How Cats Look at the World

Be a Dog Not a Cat — Kimia Wood

Don’t be fooled – it’s easier to pounce from here.

Cats are the rulers of the universe, if only the universe would get in line. If you have a cat, you know it’s true.

Everything is owed them. When the food dish is empty, their rage is unbound. If they want to come inside, or go outside, or come inside, or go outside, or come – it is their inalienable right. Those who defy them will receive just punishment right after they take their nap.

And don’t misunderstand those mouse heads left on the carpet by the door. They’re not “sharing”, foolish human! That’s a threat – a gruesome public execution to keep the peasants in line.

Some be “catty”

I think we’ve all met someone who’s a “cat”. Everything is owed them. If their will is crossed, they start hissing and flattening their ears.

Watch the claws – they retract, then snap out again!

Real cats are fuzzy and warm, and keep down the vermin. Human cats are annoying and hard to work with. Sometimes they can be fun, but only if they’re getting their way.

Be a Dog Not a Cat — Kimia Wood

We can all get along so long as I get the better seat.

If the “food dish” empties out? If the door closes for some reason? They will make their displeasure known – loudly and shrilly.

How Dogs View the World

A dog is the opposite. Dogs are in love with living.

Breakfast? My favorite thing! A walk? My favorite thing! Ride in the car? My favorite thing! Sit with the human? My favorite thing!

Baths aren’t so much fun, but you know the best part about them? When you’re all done and you get to SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE!

And guess what I had for dinner tonight? Be a Dog Not a Cat — Kimia WoodDog kibble, which is like my FAVORITE THING EVER! And who served it to me? The lady who lives in my house, who is like my favorite person ever!

Some give me puppy-face

I’ve known some “dog” people. Everything has a bright side, and the world smiles on them. Flowers don’t just bloom, they wave as you walk by.

Time spent in the check-out line is time to smell the roses – maybe chat with whoever you’re standing with. When you receive food to eat, you say “thank you” – whether it’s your favorite thing or not.

When you’re given a “bath”, keep your eyes on the other side (when you get to SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE) and remember that by dinnertime you probably won’t remember having the bath! (Well, okay, maybe that’s stretching it…)

Humans Are Special

Humans be special, my friends. Why? ‘Cause they get to choose, that’s why.

Cats and dogs are animals, and act according to their natures. Humans are not animals — we get to choose how we behave, how we speak, how we think. We get to decide, all day, every day, what our attitude is going to look like.

The world needs more puppies!

Go on, my little fluffy woofers! Lick those knees! Bounce in that grass!

Because the world needs more people who think like dogs…who love every minute and give thanks for everything.

The next time you’re stuck in line behind that lady who changes her mind about half her cart and tries a card then writes a check then digs out cash – you choose. Who are you going to be?

Will you launch into the yowling and flex your claws? Or realize that reading the candy rack is your most favorite thing ever?

When your daughter has asked the same question five times in a row – and gotten the same answer five times – you choose.

Will you put your ears back and start hissing? Or say, “Do you know how many unhappy people don’t have daughters at all? Besides, she’s exercising a scientific mind! My kids are so smart – obviously they get it from me. In twenty years, I’m going to be so proud…”

You get the idea. Will you become a puppy who loves EVERYONE? Or a cat who only loves itself?


Be a Dog Not a Cat — Kimia WoodKimia Wood currently lives with her family somewhere in the American midwest, bracing for the collapse of society by writing novels, knitting, baking, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

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