How to Stay Single and Lonely

Are you single, Christian, and lonely? Plenty of people are single…and a fair number are Christian. But to be all that and lonely, too – well, that’s something hang on to!

Are you SCL? Own it! Life will try to tear that affiliation from you, and you’ve got to fight back. Here are some ways how:

DON’T Spend Time With Your Family

How to Stay Single and Lonely — Kimia WoodDo you have any siblings? AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS. Sure, they might bug you, but that’s just another way of paying attention to someone – and the core of Loneliness is having no one pay attention to you. Your brothers and sisters will try to un-lonely you…shun them!

Also, ignore your parents. Do not cook meals for them. Do not help them with yard work or home repair. And definitely DO NOT have long, in-depth conversations with them about your life, their lives, God, or events in the world.

Even talking about your favorite things can be a danger-ground. Stick to two subjects: the weather (especially if it’s gloomy), and your miserable lack of success in finding a spouse.

Possible loophole: if you’re now older than your parents were when they got married, talk about that. A lot. Continue reading

Be a Dog Not a Cat

Be a Dog Not a Cat

Dog and cat – the eternal dichotomy of the first world (since we can’t talk about men and women anymore).

There’s an old joke that goes like this:

The dog says, “You feed me; you shelter me; you play with me; you care for me…you must be God!”

The cat says, “You feed me; you shelter me; you play with me; you care for me…I must be God!”

We take an extreme example to make a point – and the point is this: Decide to be the dog. Here’s why… Continue reading

Apocalyptic Stories – How, What, and Who

Apocalyptic Stories – How, What, and Who — Kimia Wood

Published in connection with the Indie Author e-Con 2018. Find more here

When you enter “post-apocalyptic” into Amazon’s search bar, you get lots of things. 30,000 results, to be exact.

But hey, there’s always room for one more version of civilization’s death throes, right? What if you want to craft your own apocalypse tale? Where do you need to start?

When eating an elephant or an apocalypse, start with one bite at a time. Continue reading

Not Hopeless: Be 25 and Perfectly At Home

I’m 25 and still living at home. But that doesn’t mean I’m a failure, or that my life is a failure. And it doesn’t need to mean that for you, either!

Not Hopeless: Be 25 and Perfectly at Home — Kimia Wood — home

There are lots of reasons to share a roof with your parents, even in your mid- or late-twenties. It’s not a reason to despair. (Although I sometimes feel that way, too.) Here are some of my reasons – feel free to reference them the next time that church-member or well-meaning relative gives you that pitying look and says, “So…” Continue reading

20 Steps to a DIY Thread Rack

Ready to make your very own DIY thread spool rack? Yay! This is totally just like one of those peg-board racks you’d buy in the store, except made by you and a lot different.

You will need:

a zillion spools of thread (left over from your hoarder grandma);

skinny dowel rods (1/18-inch to 3/18-inch work best–they need to fit through the spools);

boards;

nail and hammer;

hooks (I used “brass plated cup hooks”. They have a curving head so they don’t accidentally drop anything);

fabric;

staple gun and staples;

patience

READ ALL DIRECTIONS BEFORE BEGINNING Continue reading

Easter Sunday Song

To the tune of “Doe of the Morning” (as far as you know)

Half the praise team is singing off key.
The director’s trying to pick up the time.
These dumb modern songs that just grab a hymn
And stretch out the chorus with weak-sauce rhymes.

It’s covered by the blood;
It’s covered by the blood.
Compared to what He’s done
The race’s all been run.
It’s covered by the blood of Je-sus!

That “Jesus” can’t be out of his teens.
Y’know, he ain’t shaved in over a week –
And they still had to make up his hair and his face
S
o he looked over thirty, the poor little tyke.

It’s covered by the blood;
It’s covered by the blood.
Compared to what He’s done,
The race’s done been run.
It’s covered by the blood of Je-sus!

I just gotta tell you, my hat is the best.
Admire my dress while I stand here and boast.
Say, here comes that snooty Mz. Emily West.
Oh, look at her hat! I hate it the most!

It’s covered by the blood;
Covered by the blood.
Compared to what He’s done,
The race’s all been run.
It’s covered by the blood of Je-sus.

Mom won’t take me to Calvary’s egg hunt,
And Grandma’s burned the Easter Sale ham.
(What’s worse, this piggie was clearly a runt.)
Now Grandpa’s singing that “Just As I Am”.

It’s covered by the blood;
Oh, covered by the blood.
Compared to what He’s done,
The race has done been run.
It’s covered by the blood of Jesus.

“The dumb-ness of God is smarter than men;
“The weakness of God is stronger than men.”
That’s why I bury His Word in my brain;
He’s forging me stronger – again and again.

I’m covered in the blood;
I’m covered by the blood.
Compared to what He’s done,
My race is fully run —
I’m covered in the blood of Jesus.

Why Are Bad Book Reviews So Important?

Why Are Bad Book Reviews So Important?

Some people on the internet refuse to write or publish “negative” book reviews. They claim the writing world is a community, that every book took a lot of effort and tears from its author, and to “support” each other, we shouldn’t air our concerns or disappointments with another’s work.

The problem with that is that this community is about more than patting each other on the back, or smiling politely at something we think is sub-par. And we’re more than just writers – the readers who consume our work have a right to receive the best possible product we as writers can supply!

How do “bad book reviews” serve that purpose? Let’s break it down by who is benefitted by critical reviews: the reader, and the author. Continue reading

Christmas Gift Ideas for Non-Bookworms

Many people in my circle are “bookworms”. But some people out there are non-bookworms.

Some people love everything to do with books, and you could make a placemat from a doctoral thesis and they’ll pretty much swoon.

Other people would look at your word-covered gloves and go, “Huh?”

But Christmas is coming, and in ritual celebration of the gift of God’s Own Son (Jesus) EVERYONE deserves a gift!

This list is for those people…those dear ones in your lives that don’t share quite your enthusiasm for all things paper and folded-in-half: Continue reading

Why MacGyver’s Terror of Guns is Silly

Why MacGyver’s Terror of Guns is Silly

Season 4, Episode 2, of MacGyver is a story called “Blood Brothers” where MacGyver protects two teens from drug dealers while experiencing flash-backs of the childhood tragedy that set him against guns and handguns. From Wikipedia:

Back in his childhood home town, MacGyver is haunted by memories of his youth where a friend was killed by a gun while preventing his friend’s son from using a gun to defend himself against hoodlums.

While the episode works very hard to evoke a specific emotional response, and while it explains MacGyver’s phobia of guns, the moral it tries to convey (“When are they going to do something about guns?“) doesn’t apply – not in our modern day of 2017.

(Note in passing: after all the times MacGyver blows up Murdoc, or drops him in acid, or knocks him off cliffs, or drops buildings on him, etc., Mac’s aversion to firearms seems a rather weak stance.)

Back to the specific episode, I shall break down the specific issues point by point.

* * SPOILERS * * Continue reading