How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City

How will you survive the coming apocalypse?

Lots of people are worried about political disruption or violent riots. But I think we’re heading for something much worse.

If the infrastructure of our civilization breaks down, what will you do?

What with economic turmoil, civil unrest, and contagious diseases, everyone needs to have a plan in place…but especially if you live in a city!

Your best bet is to get out…as soon as possible, perhaps even now! But to do that you need a plan and know what to prepare.

If “bugging out” isn’t on option for your family, fortifying in place is your next best bet.

By educating yourself, you can make the best choice to protect yourself and the ones you love.

Remember: your relationship with God is of more lasting importance than your survival. And nothing (not even a nuke-proof bunker and twelve-years-worth of canned beans) can guarantee continued life.

How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia Wood

Image credit: christinprophecy.org

But you can still be smart about this! Go ahead and make responsible plans…just be realistic about your end goal.

Prepare

How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia Wood

Image credit: Pixabay

That’s what you’re doing now, by the way. Reading posts and books is the first step to knowing your options and making an educated choice.

Assuming you’re not reading this while the rabid mob pounds on your door, you also have time to gather your resources.

Some of those resources should be hard copies of the information you find. If a blog post or article is especially helpful, save it to your device or print it and put the paper where you can find it! The last thing you want is to be counting on a good internet connection while fleeing for your lives.

If the apocalypse happens and chaos erupts, getting out of the city is your best option.

If you have time to move to a rural property, do it. The more open space you have between you and possible rioters and looters, the better.

Finding skills you can learn to provide for yourself will also help you survive in the long-term. Do you know anything about farming? Can you hunt? Maybe get some chickens and goats to provide continuous food.

Remember: canned goods don’t procreate.

If setting up your own personal frontier-homestead is just impossible, at least have a plan for emergency evacuation.

Do you have family, friends, church or school buddies that live out in the country? Make arrangements to stay with them if things hit the fan.

Even if you can’t completely move in with them, have a place where your family can sleep with a roof over their heads…where no one’s going to burn down the house in the night.

If you have elderly neighbors or relatives who live nearby, make plans to take them with you. Just like it’s smart to drill your kids on how to escape the house if there’s a fire, have a drill in place for how you will get out of the city if things get serious. Maybe have it on a printed sheet so everyone can know what’s going on (along with maps you might need).

Many “preppers” recommend packing a “bug-out bag,” which is an emergency pack you can grab on your way out the door if you need to evacuate. (See more later.)

The hard part will be judging when is the right time to leave. When your mayor de-funds the police? When a riot is announced for your neighborhood? When you see the angry mob blocking your neighbor’s driveway and throwing molotov cocktails?

That’s a choice only you can make…but hopefully, with enough thought ahead of time and the right resources, you will be confident to make the decision that’s best for your family.

Finally, sometimes you have no option but to “shelter in place.”

There are resources for you to do that, too. Depending on where you live, this could work out really well.

For instance, if you have good relationships with all your neighbors, and all of you are committed to protecting and supporting each other, you could make arrangements to share out the duties of a self-sufficient community and provide for each other’s needs when crunch time comes.

Now let’s look at all these options in more detail:

Get Out

How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia WoodIn a total breakdown of the social order, lots of things will stop working.

People will stop trusting money. Stores will get tired of stuff being stolen, and stop stocking the shelves. Hungry people will do things they were always too afraid to do before…especially when the police aren’t arresting anyone for it.

All of this won’t affect you as much if you’re away from people!

When the rioters are looking for stuff to steal, they’ll go where it’s convenient. Whether they’re walking, or bring U-Hauls to load, the city has more targets (and Targets) close together. They get more bang for their club, if you like.

If you’re a long walk from anyone else, you’re much more inconvenient to steal from.

If you have time to prepare…

You can set up your own self-sufficient farm!

People don’t survive without food. How will you get it without the mega-industrial farms shipping products to the grocery stores? (Just read my post about 10 things I’ll miss after the apocalypse!)

Where you live (or move to) will determine what grows best and what resources are available to get you set up.

How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia Wood

This is the shoe-shelf I made all by myself! #NailedIt I am totes qualified to do all our woodworking now.

But you can decide what you’re good at…and what you want to become good at!

Now is the time. Get books. Take classes. Dig that garden, plant those heirloom seeds (so they’ll keep coming back year after year!), and decide what skills you want to have when you can’t just order anything on Amazon!

What if you don’t have that time?

Your mayor has deleted your city’s police and the resident angries are drooling over your iPhone.

If you’re looking at days or weeks before these laws go into effect (not months or years), you need a safe place for your kids and loved ones now.

This is where having friends comes in. Chances are you know someone who lives on a farm, or owns a cabin in the woods or something. You might even have a vacation home that’s in a less densely populated area (or even a “quieter” area)!

They might not be excited to have you just move in to their guest room…but lots of things are bearable if there’s an end-goal in mind.

Make those connections, build those relationships, and have a plan in place in case you need to get out right now.

I mentioned a bug-out bag earlier. Some common suggested items are:

  • First aid kit
  • A change of clothes (for everyone, if you have dependents you’re taking care of)
  • Warm clothing, if you live in cold climates…you can’t depend on building or car climate control in a tense situation
  • Energy bars (again, if you have to jump in the car and drive to your safe house before dinner, you need to be prepared)
  • Diapers and other kid-care items
  • Compass, paper maps
  • Candles, lighters, flashlights with spare batteries
  • Water

If you’ve ever been camping out in the wilderness, think about what you would absolutely need for a back-packing trip. These are short-term supplies to get you to your “safe house.”

Once there, of course, you need to be making other plans. Are you spending the next five years in your mother-in-law’s cabin basement? Or is this just a stepping stone to something more sustainable?

Shelter in Place

How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia Wood

I don’t have a good pic for this, so enjoy Gordan Freeman! Image credit: fanpop.com

If, for whatever reason, you just can’t get to a safe place outside the city, you should be making a plan to survive where you are.

Many preppers encourage you to have so-many canned goods in your basement (three months, six months, whatever). This is great…if you’re sitting out an earthquake, flood, or pandemic.

We’ll ignore the question of whether you packed enough food for all your neighbors as well, and whether you’ll share your precious reserves with everyone who asks you…or start shooting them to keep the canned beans for your own kids.

Quite aside from that is the question: what happens in the spring? You survived the riots, you survived the winter-with-no-grocery-stores…what next?

Will you plant a garden in your backyard? Raid your neighbor’s house to see if he left any canned goods after he died?

If you decide to “shelter in place” – make sure it’s a good place.

If your climate is mild, and your neighbors are friendly, you’ve already dodged two of the bullets that take out apocalypse sufferers: exposure and violence.

But even if you live in a sweet little town where everybody knows everyone else and would never hurt a fly, you have to consider:

  • Where will your food come from?
  • What medical conditions do you have that might need care?
  • What diseases in your area would be highly dangerous without modern medical science?
  • What parts of your modern lifestyle (plumbing, cookies, computers) do you like best…and what would you have to do it produce them for yourself?
  • What wild animals in the area would you need to keep out of your stuff (and away from your children)?! For instance, Chicago (the city) has 250 coyotes roaming the streets as part of their rat-control program. Speaking of rats, these vicious little critters are the reason The Pied Piper is a thing…
  • Good gravy, I didn’t even mention clean water! Sanitation has been a huge problem throughout history…how will you keep your waste away from your drinking water, and get enough clean water to drink – all without electricity or indoor plumbing?!

Fore-warned is fore-armed.

Make a list now of anything you know of in your area that might threaten your survival. Once you have it in front of you, you can make a plan to deal with it.

Which is another way of saying:

Fortify

How do you survive an apocalypse? By focusing on what is sustainable.How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia Wood

Are you in a good place? Do you have people around that you can depend on? Is there plenty of room to grow your own food and raise your own animals…possibly in cooperation with your neighbors?

Then plant yourself like a tree.

Research the weapons laws in your area, and take classes on self-defense. If the police won’t answer when someone attacks your home, it’s a comfort to know you can protect yourself…

And that your neighbors have your back.

Vigilante patrols have not turned out well in the past, so I don’t think it’s time for that. But what if rioters announce they’re coming to burn your neighborhood, and you all block the in-coming roads with cars?

I’m sure that violates all kinds of traffic laws, so I can’t recommend it. God tells us to “honor the governor” and “those in authority,” after all.

But I am brainstorming what it might look like if the people who live near you have your back…and likewise know that they can depend on you.

Say if you keep chickens, and your next-door neighbor grows melons…it could be an excellent opportunity to take care of each other.

The crucial thing to remember is: don’t depend on AMERICA* to take care of you [*insert your country, city, or organization here].

The only actions you can control are your own. The only people you can depend on are the people around you.

And they depend on you. So study all you can, pray, think, and make the choice that will best protect you and the people you love.

Survival Is Over-rated

Odd thing to say in this kind of post, eh?

But there’s another side to this whole apocalypse thing.

I may be a prepping homesteader who sees the collapse of civilization looming closer every day…but NOTHING (not gold in my mattress, nor solar panels on my roof) will GUARANTEE the preservation of my lifestyle.

God is the one Who holds my life… Any number of things could throw a monkey wrench in my plans: like martial law, a tornado, or even scarlet fever!

That’s why I say, “Survival isn’t everything”:

Because there are more important things than the preservation of my lifestyle.

Say, for instance, to “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God.”

And even if I stuff 100 years’ worth of canned vegetables in my bedroom and manage to survive all the bloodshed and starvation and disease that is coming on Western society…I will one day face my Maker, and He will ask me a very simple question:

“What did you do with My Son, Jesus?”

He will ask you the same thing when you face Him. Every single person on this planet will one day be judged for everything they’ve done…but most of all for their response to Jesus.

I believe the cities that are burning in America and the people getting murdered are the prelude to the judgement of God (a nation can’t hum along merrily slaughtering its babies as we have done without facing consequences).

But I also believe that anything that happens here is nothing compared to an eternity of punishment, separated from God.

How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia Wood

And let me never forget that, with all the thousands that will die in a civil war, and the millions more that will waste away in starvation and disease, Jesus the Anointed God-Man bled and died for every last one of them.

I don’t know who will win the election. And part of me doesn’t care. God never gets out of office. He’s King-of-the-Universe-for-Ever-for-Life.

So while you pack your bags, and plant your garden, and learn how to sew clothes or make medicine or whatever…don’t forget the poor souls who stayed behind.

Keep reminding them that Jesus loves them, which is why we love them, and that He wants them to survive the much worse judgement at the end of the world…they just have to trust Him and believe in Him. That’s it.

Thing is, the end of their world might be when a protester drives over them…or when two groups of rioters get in a firefight.

Or when the local pharmacy won’t stock insulin because people steal it too fast, and their diabetes kills them.

Let’s get to them, first!


How to Survive the Apocalypse in a City - Kimia WoodKimia Wood was raised by an aspiring author, so spinning words and weaving plots is in her blood.

She currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest, bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing adventures (as long as that’s a thing!). You’ll also get a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier.

5 Miracle “Explanations” That God Knew About

5 Miracle “Explanations” That God Knew About

Ever noticed how people like to “explain away” miracles? I call them “just so” stories.

You know those “just so” stories…like the one about how the bear lost his long tail, or “why mosquitoes buzz in people’s ears,” or how the vulture poked his head through the night sky and burned it bald with the heat of the sun (and the hole he left is now the moon).

Silly little kids’ stories to “explain” why something is the way it is – which are often so much more complicated than the truth.

People like to come up with these “explanations” for the miracles in the Bible, too…but —

God knew about our explanations before we came up with them.

How do I know? Because, if you look at the Bible, you’ll often see details in the stories of the miracles that disprove whatever “just so” story the skeptics have come up with to “explain away” what God did.

Here are some examples to get you thinking. Those seminary professors may have nice stories, but if you actually read and believe what God said, even a child can tell that they’re just making up stories to sound good.

Turning the Nile to Blood

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Actually, it was ketchup. Image credit:

In Exodus 7, God ordered Moses to hit the Nile River with his staff and turn the water into blood.

The purpose of this was to convince Pharaoh that God was serious about wanting the Hebrew slaves set free…and also to punish the Egyptians for following false gods, show God’s strength to the Israelite people, etc.

Take a look:

And the LORD said to Moses, “Say to Aaron, ‘Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt, over their rivers, their canals, and their ponds, and all their pools of water, so that they may become blood, and there shall be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, even in vessels of wood and in vessels of stone.’”

Moses and Aaron did as the Lord commanded. In the sight of Pharaoh and in the sight of his servants he lifted up the staff and struck the water in the Nile, and all the water in the Nile turned into blood.

And the fish in the Nile died, and the Nile stank, so that the Egyptians could not drink water from the Nile. There was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.

But the magicians of Egypt did the same by their secret arts. So Pharaoh’s heart remained hardened, and he would not listen to them, as the LORD had said.

Pharaoh turned and went into his house, and he did not take even this to heart.

And all the Egyptians dug along the Nile for water to drink, for they could not drink the water of the Nile. (Ex. 7:19-24)

Some people don’t believe this really happened!

The “just-so story” I’ve heard about this is that red plankton flowed up from the Mediterranean Sea or something, and that’s why the Egyptians couldn’t drink the water.

But God put in details that contradict this theory:

Notice that not only the water in the river, but even the water in “vessels of wood and stone” (vs. 19) AKA the water-pitchers and stored water in people’s houses also turned to blood (according to God Himself!).

Then Egyptians dug wells, and God allowed them to get water.

Crossing the Red Sea

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: bible.ca

Exodus 14 gives us the account of the Hebrew people crossing the Red Sea. God had rained such brutal plagues on the Egyptians that they were eager to set the Israelites free…but then Pharaoh and his officials had a change of heart.

They caught up with the Israelites at the Red Sea:

The Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward.Lift up your staff, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it, that the people of Israel may go through the sea on dry ground.

And I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they shall go in after them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host, his chariots, and his horsemen. And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten glory over Pharaoh, his chariots, and his horsemen.”

Then the angel of God who was going before the host of Israel moved and went behind them, and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them, coming between the host of Egypt and the host of Israel. And there was the cloud and the darkness. And it lit up the night without one coming near the other all night.

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.

And the people of Israel went into the midst of the sea on dry ground, the waters being a wall to them on their right hand and on their left.

The Egyptians pursued and went in after them into the midst of the sea, all Pharaoh’s horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.

And in the morning watch the LORD in the pillar of fire and of cloud looked down on the Egyptian forces and threw the Egyptian forces into a panic, clogging their chariot wheels so that they drove heavily. And the Egyptians said, “Let us flee from before Israel, for the LORD fights for them against the Egyptians.”

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand over the sea, that the water may come back upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.”

So Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to its normal course when the morning appeared. And as the Egyptians fled into it, the LORD threw the Egyptians into the midst of the sea. The waters returned and covered the chariots and the horsemen; of all the host of Pharaoh that had followed them into the sea, not one of them remained.

But the people of Israel walked on dry ground through the sea, the waters being a wall to them on their right hand and on their left.

Thus the Lord saved Israel that day from the hand of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians dead on the seashore. (Ex. 14:15-30)

Does this really need explaining?

Well, some people think so. Some people will tell you that it happened to be low tide or something, and so the Israelites actually walked through shallow water.

God knows better.

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

I couldn’t choose so here’s another picture! Image credit: SeedsOfFaith.cph.org

God actually told us explicitly that the Hebrew people walked on “dry ground” – with a wall of water on either hand.

And when the Egyptian army chased them into the sea, God made their chariots stick in the mud, and buried them with the waters.

Yeah, I know I literally just repeated what God said…but who’s complaining?

If the Red Sea was only a couple feet deep…then why did God say “walls of water”? How were the Israelites able to cross on “dry land”?

And how on earth did the Egyptians all drown – so that their bodies washed up on the shores – if they could have just waded after the Hebrews and re-enslaved them?

God meant what He said…and if you believe what He said, you have to accept what He meant.

The Wine at Cana

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Joseph Martin Kronheim/Kean Collection/Getty Images via SCPR.org

This example comes from John 2:

On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples.

When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.”

And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.”

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons.

Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim.

And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it.

When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.”

This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him. (vv. 1-11)

This “explanation” comes from Lloyd C. Douglas’ novel The Robe.

He suggests that the servants took water from vessels that used to hold wine (and so might have a residual taste) and then when everyone at the party tasted the wine, the magnetism of Jesus’ personality made them think it was really wine.

I call baloney-sauce!

Notice that our eyewitness account says the water came from “jars [used] for the Jewish rites of purification” — I don’t think they’d be storing wine in there at any time!

You’ll also notice that Jesus told the servants to take the wine in to the master of ceremonies…which implies (although it doesn’t explicitly say) that He Himself was in another room at the time.

The master of the feast didn’t know anything about where it came from – but thought it was the best wine he had ever tasted.

I doubt he would mistake water with a little lemon slice for real lemonade, regardless what scintillating conversation he was listening to.

Noah’s Flood

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: AnswersInGenesis.org

God judged the world by sending a great flood of water, so that only Noah, his family, and the animals they took with them on the preservation-craft were safe.

Some people insist that this was a “local” flood. But that is very silly on the face of it.

Check out Genesis 7:

In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, in the second month, on the seventeenth day of the month, on that day all the fountains of the great deep burst forth, and the windows of the heavens were opened. And rain fell upon the earth forty days and forty nights.

On the very same day Noah and his sons, Shem and Ham and Japheth, and Noah’s wife and the three wives of his sons with them entered the ark, they and every beast, according to its kind, and all the livestock according to their kinds, and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth, according to its kind, and every bird, according to its kind, every winged creature.

They went into the ark with Noah, two and two of all flesh in which there was the breath of life. And those that entered, male and female of all flesh, went in as God had commanded him. And the LORD shut him in.

The flood continued forty days on the earth. The waters increased and bore up the ark, and it rose high above the earth. The waters prevailed and increased greatly on the earth, and the ark floated on the face of the waters.

And the waters prevailed so mightily on the earth that all the high mountains under the whole heaven were covered. The waters prevailed above the mountains, covering them fifteen cubits deep.

And the waters prevailed on the earth 150 days. (vv. 11-20, 24)

Also Genesis 8:

Then Noah built an altar to the Lord and took some of every clean animal and some of every clean bird and offered burnt offerings on the altar.

And when the LORD smelled the pleasing aroma, the LORD said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done. While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.” (vv. 20-22)

We know this was a global flood…

…because it covered the tops of all the mountains – as evidenced by fossils of fish found on high mountain peaks!

Also, God promised He would never repeat this show. He would never “strike down every living creature as I have done.”

There have been plenty of local floods, but nothing approaching the world-wide devastation that Noah saw. Either the Bible is right…or God broke His promise.

You do believe what God says, right?

Feeding the Thousands

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Photo by Kate Remmer on Unsplash

We all know these stories, right?

The original accounts are in Matthew 14 and 15, Mark 6 and 8, Luke 9, and John 6.

For simplicity, let’s look at Mark:

And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. Send [the crowd] away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”

But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said to him, “Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?”

And he said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.”

And when they had found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.”

Then he commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties. And taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all.

And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish.

And those who ate the loaves were five thousand men. (Mark 6:35-44)

And again:

In those days, when again a great crowd had gathered, and they had nothing to eat, [Jesus] called his disciples to him and said to them, “I have compassion on the crowd, because they have been with me now three days and have nothing to eat. And if I send them away hungry to their homes, they will faint on the way. And some of them have come from far away.”

And his disciples answered him, “How can one feed these people with bread here in this desolate place?”

And he asked them, “How many loaves do you have?”

They said, “Seven.”

And he directed the crowd to sit down on the ground. And he took the seven loaves, and having given thanks, he broke them and gave them to his disciples to set before the people; and they set them before the crowd. And they had a few small fish. And having blessed them, he said that these also should be set before them.

And they ate and were satisfied. And they took up the broken pieces left over, seven baskets full.

And there were about four thousand people. And he sent them away. (Mark 8:1-9)

Here come “some people”—

What do they say about this passage?

They say that when the people saw Jesus sharing his sack lunch with all the hungry people (only John mentions that a little boy brought the food – John 6:8-9)…then they all decided to pull out their lunches and share, too.

Because SHARING. (And hiding your snacks even though you’re hungry because someone else might want some…)

I think Jesus said it best:

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Dudes…I’m going to be executed and come back to life. You think food is a problem? Image credit: Pixabay

And Jesus, aware of this, said to [the disciples], “Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened?

“Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?”

They said to him, “Twelve.”

“And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?”

And they said to him, “Seven.”

And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?” (Mark 8:17-21)

Do you not yet understand?

  • First:

The crowd of 5,000 was in a desolate place, and it was late in the day (so, dinnertime, not lunchtime – their sack lunch was already eaten, I guess).

The crowd of 4,000 was also in a “desolate place,” and had been listening to Jesus for three days. Chances are that – if they had packed some supplies for camping out, they were running low. Jesus even worries that they’ll pass out from hunger before they get home!

  • Second:

Notice how many left-overs they picked up! I don’t have the linguistic skills to prove whether it was a large or small basket…but just look at the number of them!

That’s way more food than you’d expect from some people hoarding rolls up their sleeves.

  • Third:

“Do you not yet understand?”

Jesus is literally teaching them that He is God.

When He’s done with the crowd in Mark 8, He takes the disciples and jumps in a boat. The disciples are worried because they didn’t bring bread – even though Jesus literally just created baked bread and cooked fish out of thin air.

Jesus warns them about “the leaven/yeast of the Pharisees” (v. 15) – meaning their wicked teachings which are contrary to God. Just like it’s “not what goes into a man, but what comes out, that makes him unclean,” it’s not physical food we should be worried about.

We need to be eating the spiritual bread of Jesus and His word…because when we do that, we will find we have just what we need physically.

Also…y’know…Jesus literally has the power to make literally anything…since He did literally make everything (Hebrews).

Why Do People Do This?

Maybe you were basically familiar with all my examples already…and you just wonder why anyone would do this?

Maybe you’re a “God said it, I believe it, that settles it” kind of person. It must seem strange that people make up reasons and little explanations to cut the metaphysical part out of the Biblical miracles.

Why would they want to?

First group: they don’t actually believe it.

These people may call themselves Christians, go to church, or teach in a seminary…but they prove by their actions that they don’t really believe what Jesus said.

They think “moral lessons” are the true heart of Christianity, and that teaching people to be “nice,” to share, and to “look on the bright side” is all there is to it.

Actually…that’s a very sad, pathetic view of the world.

Second group: well-meaning but clumsy.

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Do they just want to sound smart? Image credit: Pixabay

These people want to make the Bible more “believable” – perhaps more “acceptable.” They might be embarrassed by the flame-strikes and the rising-from-the-deads, and they want to explain the “Bible stories” to their kids without looking like they don’t know physics exists.

They don’t seem to understand that – of course physics exists, God just out-ranks it. ‘Cause He made it. ‘Cause He’s awesome.

These people don’t realize it, but they’re really saying:

“Well – this is what really happened. Don’t believe the physical world obeyed God to part rivers, cover the desert with bread, rain fire on wicked cities and people, devour Herod with worms, shrivel fig trees, make a day last more than 24 hours, and return life to people who stopped breathing days before.

“But totally believe you should obey God to forgive your enemies, deny yourself lusting over the opposite sex, tell the truth in all circumstances, not let food control you, and practice kindness to everyone regardless of how annoying they are.”

The historical accounts in the Bible don’t need us to make excuses for them.

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: ThisFragileTent

I hope these examples encourage you that the next time someone smart-sounding starts telling you this-or-that “didn’t really happen,” God probably put details into His Word that defies exactly what they’re suggesting!

So get out your Bible, and you can know what the real story is!

Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead?
But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.
We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised.
For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished.
If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.
But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. (1 Cor. 15:12-20)

For we did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty.
For when he received honor and glory from God the Father, and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,” we ourselves heard this very voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on the holy mountain.
And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation.
For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit. (2 Peter 1:16-21)


This post is approved by my spiritual head.


5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia WoodKimia Wood was raised by an aspiring author, so spinning words and weaving plots is in her blood.

She currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family – including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing exploits! You’ll also receive a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier.


Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.

3 Rules for Writing Comic Strips

The comic strip world is in shambles. Back in my day, we had good comics.

Call them the “funny pages,” do you? These simple line drawings are the touch-stone of our culture!

Or – they should be…if they hadn’t been infected by lazy writers who don’t know what they’re doing.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: it is I, knower of everything, who have come to share exactly what is wrong with modern comic strips (that even goes for classics like Blondie whose current strips are being written by contemporary wannabe hacks)…and how anyone can produce a quality comic strip with my three easy steps.

Listen to me. After all, I know everything there is to know…and I am here to offer my gracious instruction to all you young whippersnappers.

1. Look Pretty

In the good old days, comics were nice to look at. Maybe the characters weren’t beautiful, but they weren’t a pile a squashed polygons that look like a made-in-China Picasso.

The lines were clean…the shapes were pleasing… You could tell what the backgrounds were, and what the characters were supposed to be.

3 Rules for Writing Comic Strips — Kimia Wood

Image courtesy of xkcd

Even “ugly” characters were somehow cute – or at least funny.

Minimalism is okay, too. But even simple designs can still lead the eye smoothly and give it satisfying shapes to look at.

Bottom line – in the old days, you could stare at the drawings without going blind.

You want to be a real comic strip writer? (Of course you do!) Then draw characters you wouldn’t mind hanging full-size on your wall!

If the people’s heads look like a pumpkin had an unfortunate accident with a tall building, you need some more work! If you don’t want your characters attractive, or cute…at least make their designs funny. You’re a comic strip writer.

2. Be Funny

Listen, my friend. You hold a valuable piece of our republic in your hands.

The comic pages are the one and only reason my grandpa buys a newspaper at all…and then only on Sundays…

And only for Sherman’s Lagoon.

You’re not competing with paint drying, you know. Put in a little effort! Do you want your character’s face used to light the fire in the morning?

Or do you want to hang on the bulletin board at work, for all the coworkers to see?

3 Rules for Writing Comic Strips — Kimia Wood

Image credit: ComicsKingdom

Trust me, your fellow comic writers are scraping the bottom of the barrel. (The next person to invent a fresh joke about Black Friday sales is getting the Pulitzer.) You don’t have to reach that far above them.

We all get that social media is a thing, now. Unless you have a really, truly unique gag about that inane fact (or about wives dissing their husbands, or kids whining about school, or any of the other tired, boring stereotypes) then just leave it alone.

Make your characters do interesting things. Force them to say interesting things.

If they’re just floating aimlessly across the page – nobody is going to care.

I don’t! And I am the gold standard for everything. (I also know everything, in case you’ve forgotten.)

There are loads of hilarious things in the world! Use some of them! Like the time our goat got so snarled around a tree with her cable that she literally got her hoof stuck in her collar.

Yeah, I just had to chuckle while I was untangling her.

Be the strip we tape to the bathroom mirror so we can wake up happy. Don’t be the strip that we read – and then feel absolutely nothing.

3. Aim for Timelessness

I don’t think I’ve said this part yet, so let me be clear:

You’re writing a comic strip.

This is not your personal editorial column, or your MySpace page. (Though if you can’t get published anywhere but MySpace…there might be a reason for that?)

By the way, no reason but I saw this hilarious comic strip skewering President Ford the other day. I can’t decide if that, or the one mocking Caesar Augustus, is my favorite –

Said no one ever!

Look. Shakespeare made bank with Julius Caesar because he tapped into the emotions of pride, jealousy, and betrayal that span all humanity.

Hamlet is still performed because it speaks to the doubts and longings common to our shared human experience…not because the Danish royal court is “relevant” or anything.

Yes I just compared Shakespeare to comic strips no I’m not sorry.

Sure, everyone else calls you the “funny pages” and uses you for a coffee mug coaster. Is that who you want to be?

Close your eyes and imagine five years from now…ten years from now… You’re holding the anniversary collection of your strip in your hands.

Are all the jokes lame and nonsensical because you’re mocking political figures that ran out their terms of office before your kids were born?

Who’s going to be laughing then?

No one! That’s who!

And your job is to be funny, for Calvin’s sake. (Calvin and Hobbes, of course.)

If no one will be interested in buying hardcover collector’s edition books of your strips because they’ll be meaningless after the next election cycle – think about that for a moment.

Crafting the Perfect Comic Strip

My time as your muse is drawing to a close. Just remember these three crucial points:

  1. Draw pictures you can enjoy looking at…staring at…and coming back to.
  2. Write plots and dialogue that actually get a chuckle. Or a wry grin. Or an appreciative snort.
  3. Dig deeper, aim higher, and create something people will come back to again, and again…and again, to read to their kids.

Unless, of course, you’re just here to make sure Frazz still has newspapers to distribute his genius.

In that case, I bow to your sacrificial support of the greater good.


3 Rules for Writing Comic Strips — Kimia WoodKimia Wood currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family…including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing exploits. You’ll also receive a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier!

Prophecy—Messages vs. Theology vs. Smoke-and-Mirrors

Prophecy—Messages vs. Theology vs. Smoke-and-Mirrors

Whenever people start on a tear about “prophecy has ceased,” I usually dig my heels in.

Not because of any personal, emotional connection. I was born in a semi-liturgical denomination, and grew up in pretty rationalist circles.

No, I never bought the cessationist mantra because of what I see in the Bible.

Then I came across a new presentation of this theological ideology, and I think I’ve gained some perspective. Maybe we’re not so different, you and I, Mr. Apostolic Age.

I mean, I still don’t believe in an “apostolic age”…but I think if we narrowed down some definitions, you’d find I’m not such a flaming heretic as you think. And maybe we’ll both be able to agree over the Scriptures.

Smoke-and-Mirrors

The book is The Ever-Loving Truth, a group Bible-study book by Voddie Baucham, and the chapter in question is Week 4, Day 3 (pp. 104-107).

Prophecy—Messages vs Theology vs Smoke-and-Mirrors — Kimia Wood

I don’t think that’s what it’s supposed to look like… Image credit: torrilynn@hubpages

The chapter starts by talking about church-attenders who use the “God told me —” or “I’ve really prayed about this, and —” to excuse un-Biblical behavior.

That is baloney sauce, and these Bible teachers are right to call people on it.

(Y’know: “God has given me peace about leaving my wife.” No, He hasn’t.)

It is never okay to divorce your wife for un-Biblical reasons, or to pursue a ministry you are obviously unqualified for (like a woman as pastor), because you “feel at peace” about it or “really feel called.”

That is called “emotions” talking…sometimes called “selfish ambitions” or “evil desires,” and the Bible tells us how to respond to them.

Consider:

If a prophet or a dreamer of dreams arises among you and gives you a sign or a wonder, and the sign or wonder that he tells you comes to pass, and if he says, ‘Let us go after other gods,’ which you have not known, ‘and let us serve them,’ you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams. For the LORD your God is testing you, to know whether you love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him and keep his commandments and obey his voice, and you shall serve him and hold fast to him.

But that prophet or that dreamer of dreams shall be put to death, because he has taught rebellion against the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt and redeemed you out of the house of slavery, to make you leave the way in which the LORD your God commanded you to walk. So you shall purge the evil from your midst. (Deut. 13: 1-5)

To take the point and drive it into the ground, if your own heart tempts you and tries to draw you after other gods – sports, money, chocolate, nice vacations, Disney movies – any other god that doesn’t start with J- and end with -esus, then…cut it out and throw it away. (See Mark 9:43-45.)

“It is better to enter life without your heart, than with a functioning aorta to be thrown into hell.”

*another metaphor bites the dust*

God warned us that false teachers and prophets would try to drag us away from Him with lies and dreams and all kinds of false signs. The best way to tell the real ones from the fakes is to live in God’s word.

Messages

Another kind of “prophecy” is just personal, specific, time-sensitive messages.

Prophecy—Messages vs Theology vs Smoke-and-Mirrors — Kimia Wood

Image credit: ThisFragileTent

When the prophet in Acts (11:28) warned the church of an up-coming famine…they didn’t brand him as a “charismatic,” they didn’t accuse him of undermining their faith, and they didn’t chant, “The cannon is closed, the cannon is closed.”

They started raising money to send aid to their fellow believers affected by the famine.

This kind of prophecy doesn’t contradict God’s word. God is very serious that, if you say such-and-such in His name, it had better come true…otherwise you better like rock sandwiches.

(Okay, I am only joke – we can’t stone false prophets anymore. At least not dead.)

But you get the point…claiming “God told me —” is super, deadly serious.

And if you say, “God told me to divorce my wife so I can pursue my dreams,” I will be hunting for the nearest stone.

God does not contradict Himself!

Which is why I don’t believe prophecy has ceased. After all, the same God who taught us:

“All Scripture is God-breathed, and useful…” (see 2 Tim. 3:16)

also gave us:

“Some He made apostles, some prophets, some teachers, some pastors…” (see Eph. 4:11-13)

From this I assume two things. 1) That the second passage is still useful for teaching, correcting, and training in righteousness. 2) That prophets and teachers are not identical…and therefore prophets are still a thing.

I don’t get it, and I’m not actually comfortable with people standing up in worship services saying, “I have a word –!”

—But I’m not comfortable saying, “God’s word doesn’t apply to us anymore.”

We have to remember the prophet from the days of Judah and Israel, though. (Read 1 Kings 13.)

He went to prophesy against the wicked king of Israel, but God had warned him he shouldn’t stop and eat or drink anything on the way home.

Some other guy (whether he was a real prophet or a self-styled prophet, I don’t know – God knows) came and stopped the first guy and brought him home for a snack.

The second guy told the first guy, “God told me to tell you to come back and eat.”

Now, the first guy should have said: “God told me not to stop and eat, so I’m going to stick with what I know He told me.”

Instead, he had the snack – then Mr. Two told him he was doomed to die on the way home…and sure enough, a lion killed him on the way home.

I’m not exactly sure what the moral of the story is, but, “Don’t take some guy’s word over God’s word” is a pretty safe bet.

Theological Truths

Prophecy—Messages vs Theology vs Smoke-and-Mirrors — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Markus Spiske on Unsplash

The Bible clearly teaches that the Holy Spirit living inside us guides us into all truth. Every time we read the Bible, new things jump out at us. In each stage of our lives, God prompts us and prods us to grow in the direction of His choosing.

Not all of us grow in the same directions at the same time. Not all of us are called to minister in the same places, or in the same ways. The same passage of Scripture can say two different things to two different Christians, depending on their own sin struggles, their stage of growth, their mission callings, etc.

Is this “prophecy”? Does this count as “God told me – in such-and-such passage – that I need to apologize to my neighbor”?

According to The Ever-Loving Truth – no. The author there says that this is the work of the Spirit through God’s word, and not actual “revelation,” and therefore not banned under the “prophecy has ceased” mantra.

So what is “prophetical revelation” according to this author?

Apparently it’s a “dream, a vision, a spiritual visitation”…something that claims spiritual authority because of its metaphysical appearance, and so trumps Scripture.

And with that definition, I totally agree with them.

As Paul said:

But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed.
As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. (Gal. 1:8-9)

“…even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.” (2 Cor. 11:14)

There are a lot of silly ideas floating around Christianity. Some of them come from reading too many “Sunday school versions” of the “Bible stories” – and not enough of the actual historical accounts in the Bible.

Some silly ideas come from listening to the culture around us, and not thinking hard about the things they say. A lot of our mental images of angels don’t come from the Bible (bright, terrifying, male) but from the world (pretty, winged, female).

You know – the world Jesus was talking about when He said:

“I have given [my disciples] your word[, Father], and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.

“I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.

“They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

“As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.” (John 17:14-19)

The Ever-Loving Truth makes the case that God has given us everything we need to know Him and grow in Him.

After all, Jesus is the culmination of all history and prophecy (cp. Heb. 1)…the whole Law of Moses, all the prophets, the setting apart of Israel as God’s chosen people – all of it was a flashing neon arrow pointing at Jesus.

What more could we need?

I’d like to ask that question of the people trying to figure out how election works. Mostly to see the sparks fly, because I’m wicked.

(When I’m done there, I’ll go put the question to the people making timelines for Revelation.)

I’ve never been satisfied with the arguments that, “The cannon is closed; get over it.”

Revelation 22:18-19 is specifically talking about “the words of this prophecy” (and isn’t charting out the time-table kind of adding to the book, eh?).

I don’t see why new revelation would challenge our faith, cause us to doubt, or destroy the church. After all, the New Testament didn’t do any of those things.

It did tear down the top-heavy system of Jewish religion…but only because, with the Perfect Passover Lamb sacrificed, there was no need for all the rest of it. It was complete…fulfilled…

“It is finished.”

If God really had anything more to say, whatever He said would align perfectly with everything that went before, from Genesis to Jude and beyond. It wouldn’t just rhyme…it would harmonize.

He’s awesome like that.

But what more could He possibly add to the cap-stone and cornerstone that is Jesus Christ the God-Man?

How about, “I am Jesus, and I am the way to God. Find this Christian to find out more.”

This is apparently the message to many Muslim people in closed countries, who see Jesus in a dream so they can seek out believers and hear the gospel.

It’s not “the work of the Holy Spirit through God’s word” because they don’t have the word to read… And they’re not Christians yet, so they don’t have His Spirit living inside them to guide and teach them.

I don’t know about you, but when this “prophetic revelation” is driving people to seek Jesus, not “other gods they have not known,” I can but praise God and give thanks for more brothers and sisters saved.

Discernment Required

Prophecy—Messages vs Theology vs Smoke-and-Mirrors — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Pixabay

I don’t think I’ll ever take in stride people standing up in the middle of corporate prayer or something and spouting out a “message” they’ve been given.

Fortunately, God loves us all, and is big enough to take us all in.

As long as we’re matching everything against what God has already said, I can’t say, with my dispensational, cessationist brothers – “Prophecy has ceased, gifts have ceased, get with the program, you heretic.”

And I can call you my brothers as long as we can agree on these key things:

God never lies. He does not change. God cannot prove false to Himself.

Jesus Christ, Son of God – sent by God, crucified for our sins according to the Scriptures, buried, and risen again according to the Scriptures.


This post is approved by my spiritual head.

KimiaProphecy—Messages vs Theology vs Smoke-and-Mirrors — Kimia Wood Wood currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family – including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing adventures! You’ll also receive a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier.

Is “Girl Power” Hurting Us?

I think “Girl Power” is a lie.

What does it even mean, anyway? Strictly speaking, it should be the power of skills and abilities that girls hold in common…the unique ability of feminine traits.

But that’s not what people mean by #GirlPower, is it? I once read a blog post (that I have since lost – humanity is fortunate) talking about “strong women” or “strong female characters” or something like that.

Every single example was fictional (as in, made up). Every single example had either magic powers (like Storm from the X-Men) or battle prowess (like Xena the Warrior Princess).

What about Cinderella – whose strength of character enabled her to endure a devastating home situation and whose purity, humility, and attitude led her to marrying the prince?

What about Corrie ten Boom and her sister, who hid Jews from the Nazis, were arrested and hauled away to a concentration camp in their fifties, and still held Bible studies in their barracks? As for Corrie, she even forgave one of her former guards – through the transforming power of Jesus, of course.

Can’t a girl be “strong” without imitating exactly what the boys are doing?

World: You Go, Girl!

Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Wikipedia

With hashtags like #girlboss, #beastforshe, and #believeher, you’d think girls would be encouraged and strong.

Disney is re-doing all their old titles to make them less sexist. You can buy hundreds of dollars worth of plaques that say #GirlBoss or #BossBabe or “Messy bun and getting stuff done” or “I drink the coffee and then I do the things” (can you guess where I work?).

Women do marches with funny pink hats on. A woman makes an allegation of sexual misconduct, and anyone who questions her facts is a sexist hater.

You’d think that, with all this support flooding the women of our culture, women and girls would be confident, strong, able…and happy.

But they’re not happy. They’re intensely unhappy. Whenever I hear a news item about Hillary Clinton, one of the most powerful women in the country (if not the world) I think about how absolutely miserable she seems.

Where’s the joy?

Also World: Girl, Wash Your Face!

Is "Girl Power" Hurting Us? — Kimia WoodScroll the bestsellers on Amazon, or browse the books on sale by the registers of Hobby Lobby, and you’ll start picking up a vibe…

  • Me, Myself, and Lies: A Thought Closet Makeover — “Words are powerful. Especially the words women speak to themselves.” Get rid of the negative things you think about yourself, and replace them with positive things from God’s word!
  • Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely — “GOD WANTS US TO LIVE LOVED WHEN WE FEEL LEFT OUT, LONELY, AND LESS THAN. [sic] … Lysa TerKeurst digs deep into God’s Word to help you explore the roots of rejection, the way other relationships get tainted because of a past rejection, and the truth about what it looks like to live loved.”
  • Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be — A lifestyle blogger and CEO of her own media company encourages girls to “live with passion and hustle.”
  • Also Girl, Stop Apologizing — the same author tells women to not “define themselves in light of other people” but rather learn “how to own who they are and what they want”.
  • Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free – “Many women live under a cloud of personal guilt and condemnation,” says this author. “Many are in bondage to their past. Others are gripped by fear of rejection and a longing for approval. Still others are emotional prisoners.”
    “Nancy offers the most effective weapon to counter and overcome Satan’s deceptions: God’s truth!”
  • Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free – “Pure is a powerful wake-up call about our society’s subjugation of women.”

Books* don’t get to these prominent places unless someone buys them. Lots of someones.

People (women) want to read these books, are reading them, and feel a need for them. Why?

Our culture is telling women and girls to achieve, to be their best selves, to chase their dreams, to roar. And yet, lots of women are obviously feeling beaten down, surrounded, inadequate, injured, and tarnished.

Why?

Bible: “She is Clothed with Dignity and Strength”

Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia Wood

This is my mom. She is one powerful lady.

In total, we had ten little kids in our house (not all at once, but over time). Toddlers are like all the annoying parts of humanity condensed into Toddlers challenge the best of us I hate tod

Little kids are a handful. Yet this powerful, patient woman poured all her kindness and caring into every single one of them.

Sure, there’s a #momlife hash-tag…but do we as a culture glorify the “getting up at two in the morning” part of parenting? The “pitched battle over a pile of peas” part? The “he spent three months of his life in the time-out chair” part?

Women aren’t strong in the same way men are.

And that’s okay. In fact, it’s awesome.

One of the worst things the transgender movement does (apart from enabling stalkers) is teach kids to be uncomfortable in their own bodies.

It’s okay to love the body you were born in. It’s OKAY to like being a girl!

We should be telling girls, “Yes, you feel uncomfortable. It’s called puberty. Everyone feels it, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Instead, we’re telling them, “Hey, maybe you’re really a boy in a girl’s body! We need to permanently alter your body chemistry and ruin your potential to bear children! Be ashamed of your boobs and your long hair because obviously the universe got you wrong!

“Oh, and by the way, Wash Your Face!”

Girls can be strong. Just not necessarily the same “strong” as boys. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s healthy.

Bible: Your Daughters Will Be Pillars in the House of Our God

Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Unsplash

Women are built to be nurturing, empathetic, bonding, supportive.

I’ve already talked about what men should be – and all the reasons I’m a patriarchist – but just for now let’s focus on the girls.

Women are sustainers. They’re the glue that holds families (and hence society) together…and keeps those wild, impulsive, world-changing men from killing themselves by accident.

I am a lioness. I do not lead the pride — I only hunt the food for my cubs. There’s a reason the man is the king.

But how can we expect them to do their jobs when we’re not doing ours? God calls us to quiet submission…which inspires our menfolk in ways we could never understand.

Without the pillars, the building collapses. We can’t all be the flashy frieze on the roof-line. We can’t all be the foundation and floor. And if a pillar tried to be the floor…well, “falling down on the job” is a cheap shot.

Modern culture wants women to shamelessly pursue their own desires…at everyone else’s expense.

But that’s not how women were designed. That’s not how any of us were designed.

Don’t just blame the girls for this…as a civilization (as a species?) we are convinced that the only good is whatever “I” want, and that whoever denies me what I want is wrong.

We tell women to distance themselves from relationships that hold them back, to get rid of “negative” thoughts, and to lay aside their shame. That if they had an extra layer of confidence, they could protect their self-esteem from the unrealistic expectations of the world and be happy.

But while the culture and the media are screaming, “I am woman, hear me roar!” all the women and girls are curled up in the corner having a panic attack.

Solution: Solve for X

How do we fix this? What can we do?

If your car is broken, you call a mechanic. If your sink or your A/C is broken, you call a plumber or a technician.

When your human is broken…open up the Manual!

The very fact that these books are selling so well is a hint that we feel a need. We feel broken. What we’re trying isn’t working.

We want to choose who we are…to define for ourselves what it means to be a “woman.” Trust me, we’ve been doing this since about Chapter 3…and it doesn’t work. Never has, never will. So let’s try something else – something that’s not “girl power.”

You can read thematic Bible studies if you want (as some of the books mentioned above bill themselves), but I prefer to cut out the middle men and the artificial preservatives. Just give me the straight-up, organic, gluten-free Bible!

Do it. Now.

Stop reading this meandering, totally anecdote-based, highly unscientific blog post and go read your Bible! You’ll be surprised how direct God is about who He wants you to be.

Like so many things, change starts with a hard look at yourself. Feel ashamed of your past? Trapped by your relationships? Impotent to pursue your dreams?

Start right here.Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia WoodBy building a wooden cross By asking Jesus for help.

Once we have the foundation, we can set up the pillars in their proper place. The solution isn’t always to punch through things…sometimes we need to reevaluate our strategy completely!

Only once we know what it truly means to be a woman will we know how to “achieve our full potential.” And that comes from asking the Guy who invented women!

Let me end with a quote from prolific Christian writer C.S. Lewis:

“Don’t you remember on earth — there were things too hot to touch with your finger but you could drink them all right? Shame is like that. If you will accept it – if you will drink the cup to the bottom – you will find it very nourishing: but try to do anything else with it and it scalds.” (The Great Divorce)


* Retweet is not endorsement – but to make sure we’re clear: I have not read any of the six books in this list, so cannot recommend or give a judgement on any of them. They are merely to illustrate the point that a lot of the “inspirational” best-sellers are aimed at helping women feel better about themselves…which prompts the question, “What’s tearing them down?”

I can, however, highly recommend Lewis’ Great Divorce. All these years later, it still drives to the heart of human nature. Read it now (after your Bible, of course)!


Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia WoodKimia Wood lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family…including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing adventures! You’ll also get a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier.

3 Reasons To Avoid the Cloud

Everybody wants you to embrace the “cloud” — streaming your movies and music, storing your files on a cloud service, buying software and video games that “dial in” to a server in order to work, and more.

The idea is that all or part of the digital product you use is stored on the company’s servers. You have to connect to their computers to use the program, play the game, watch the movie, or whatever.

Maybe you love the connectedness, and how you can get whatever you want on any device. Or can you?

Here are three reasons I think this trend is dangerous, and why I’m working to avoid the “cloud”:

1) Internet is Never 100%

3 Reasons to Avoid the Cloud — Kimia Wood

Internet connectivity; Image credit: BusinessInsider.com

I live in the heart of the US of A, and the internet is not constant. Sometimes it goes down for no reason.

Our internet provider just sent us a new modem, so it’s been better for the last few days. But it still gets hung up on my YouTube videos sometimes.

My parents thought about buying a house where, because of the terrain and the location of providers, it was a dead zone for internet.

And that’s not even talking about the rest of the world.

Continue reading

The Blonde in Room 128

Todd checked over his shoulder both ways so no one would see him at the alleyway entrance. So far, his buddy at work had been correct.

The address appeared to be an apartment building with heavy curtains in all the windows.

He drew a long breath, winced at the shooting pain in his temple, and checked the surroundings once more before heading inside.

The small lobby was empty except for a guy behind a desk at the far end, like in a motel.

Todd swallowed again and crossed the room.

The attendant looked up as he approached, but said nothing.

Todd felt like a fool, but his wife had insisted he come here. He swallowed again and tried to smile.

“Hi, I’d like a – an appointment,” he said.

“Right,” said the attendant, opening a big ledger in a blue three-ring binder. “What’s your pleasure?”

Todd double-checked the little brochure his work-buddy had given him…the one with head-shots of a dozen attractive young ladies.

“I’d like a – uh – blonde? With a…pretty face.”

He felt stupid saying it, but that’s the way it worked – according to the brochure.

“Right,” said the attendant again. “That’s $200 up front.”

Todd pulled out his wallet, and wiped his hands on the front of his shirt so he could pull out the cash.

The attendant took the money and slipped it into a little metal cash-box.

“Down the hall, room 128. Wait there.”

And with that the man pulled out a copy of New England Journal of Medicine and ignored him.

Todd shuffled down the hall. At least it was well-lit. Strange thumps and hums came from behind the closed doors.

At number 128, he hesitated…but he was committed now. Stroking his throbbing temple again, he slipped in and closed the door behind him.

A bright fluorescent white bathed the whole room, where a spotless white table the size of a gurney stood in the middle of the room – in front of an enormous white machine like a giant donut. It looked just like the photos on the internet.

Behind a curtain in the corner, Todd changed into the hospital gown he found in a plastic package on top of the table…then stood watching the machine, rubbing his head and licking his lips.

There was a knock on the door, immediately followed by a young man in a long white lab coat. Todd noted, with a desperate instinct to find humor in the situation, that the young man was blond.

“Head trouble, eh?” said the stranger, making straight to the LCD screen on the side of the machine.

“I got a sudden headache last weekend,” said Todd, tip-toeing up to the table. “My wife thought I should get it checked out, so I went down to our local medical clinic.”

The young man tapped away at the screen, and Todd licked his lips.

“They told me I should get an MRI scan, but the wait time would be –“

“Let me guess,” said the man in the lab coat. “Three months.”

“Five, actually,” said Todd.

“Ha! I’ve heard six months to a year. Colonoscopies are even worse.”

Todd licked his lips again. “Are you a doctor?”

“Nah, I just run the machine.” The stranger gestured at the table. “Take a load off. When we’re done, it’ll take fifteen minutes or so to load your results on a CD…and then you do whatever you want with it. If you want a doc to give his opinion, that’s another 150, and you have to come back in a couple days; we’ll give you the CD with a doctor’s notes.”

Todd lay down on the table. The stranger flicked a switch, and the whole platform started moving, until his head was inside the hole of the donut.

“A-Aren’t you afraid I’ll turn you in?” he asked, just to make conversation.

“Do you want to do that, or do you want an MRI?” asked the technician with a chuckle. “Think about it — you can either get us for practicing private medicine…or you can actually get the benefit of our services.”

“And you have real, registered doctors who work with you, too?” asked Todd.

“Face it: the National Medical System doesn’t pay peanuts. Plenty of qualified, university-trained diagnosticians are happy to make a little extra analyzing test results.”

“And if they’re wrong, the patient can’t complain — we don’t know who the doctor is, and we can’t admit where we got the test.”

The technician peeked into the donut and smiled. “You wanna live dangerously? Or you want to wait a year for an X-ray? By that time, if it’s cancer or an aneurism or something, you might be dead anyway.”

Todd held up his hand, anything to delay the strange machine from making noises. “What do you get out of it?”

The technician shrugged. “A little pocket change – and I get to make a difference in people’s lives. I actually run an ultrasound machine in normal life, but the pay – plus the regulations – are murder.”

He patted the machine. “Right, I’m going to warm up our lovely Blondie here. There’ll be a humming noise, but you won’t feel a thing. Just take it easy –“ He grinned. “Blondie will treat you well.”


The Blonde in Room 128 — Kimia WoodKimia Wood was raised by an aspiring author, so spinning words and weaving plots is in her blood.

She currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family…including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend. She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier! You’ll also receive periodic updates of her latest reading and writing adventures.

DOs and DON’Ts of Face Masks

It’s 2020, and Face Masks are all the rage.

I’m part of the consumer-elastic and -fabric supply chain, so I know. By the time this is all over, we should have about 500 face masks per capita.

[For future web-surfers, “this” is the COVID-19/coronavirus/Wu Han virus pandemic that paralyzed the world during the first part of 2020.]

And yet…a lot of people seem to be missing the point.

On the one hand, it’s great that people have found something they can do to participate in this pandemic.

On the other hand, is wearing a face mask something we should medically be doing?

When the so-called “experts” keep giving conflicting advice – or changing their minds about what is “best” – it’s easy to not know what to believe.

But you should listen to me. I’m on the internet. You can trust me.

Here, in one place, are some basics on Face Masks…so you can decide for yourself if wearing one is worth it! Continue reading

The Gift – Yes, Gift – of Singleness

The Gift – Yes, Gift – of Singleness

Singleness wasn’t your plan, was it, girlfriend?

Yeah, me neither.

Feel it? The throbbing, gnawing ache that chews its way up through your heart?

Put it there, girlfriend. Yeah, me, too…it comes and goes.

A bad stretch? Your cousin’s getting married, now? Your childhood friend posted more kid pics?

We have lots of tissues — knock yourself out.

Listen, maybe you don’t want to hear this right now, but God’s plan is always –

No, I’m not going to be your aunt. Not going to quote the plaque your church gave, you, either. Yeah, everyone says it to me, too—

The Gift – Yes, Gift – of Singleness — Kimia Wood

Rub it in, why don’t you?!

God’s got a man for you somewhere out there.

So, how’s the “fishing” going?

Y’know, you’re not getting younger… Let me tell you about the wonders of marriage –

You know what the Bible says: “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord –”

No, I wasn’t going to say that.

I was saying, “God’s plan is always good.”

Have another tissue, and I’ll explain. Continue reading

Open Letter to Chick Publishing

Open Letter to Chick Publishing

Dear Chick Publishing,

I grew up with your tracts. My mom handed them out every Halloween.

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: Pixabay

I’ve often cried real tears while reading them because I see the beautiful story of my Master Jesus and His love for His people. And now that I’m grown, I’ve made your tracts a part of my own “passive evangelism” strategy (as opposed to the times I actually have conversations with people).

Which is why I feel I have to write this letter. I feel you (as an organization, maybe not as an individual) have a blind spot that’s hurting your witness and your relationship with your brothers and sisters…and our common Lord.

Is the KJV Really Your Hill to Die On?

I don’t mind if y’all prefer the King James Version of the Bible…but the anger and bitterness with which y’all 1) defend your preference and 2) attack others who make a different choice is frustrating.

Quite apart from the ways in which the KJV is a poor reflection of the original Greek, the things y’all write in your newsletters (and even in some of your tracts!) make it sound like you believe God sent an angel down in 1611 with golden tablets inscribed with these words, and to translate them would be a heresy!

Dude! Seriously?! What– Is this seriously how you want to be remembered? If even I, a Christian fundamentalist patriarchalist, thinks you sound cray-cray, what are unbelievers who run across this material going to think?

But let’s break it down. Because it’s not even rational. The KJV is the only valid Bible? Really? Are y’all for real?

God’s Literal Words…in English

Okay, so…your company (Chick Publishing) prints Spanish tracts.

SPANISH tracts.

People. You print tracts…in SPANISH.

Those tracts ARE NOT USING THE KING JAMES.

When Paul of Tarsus sat down and dictated to Silas, he wasn’t using English…they were speaking (gasp) GREEK. Literally Greek.

Were the things Paul, Peter, Luke, Moses, Jeremiah, etc. said/wrote all wrong until some random guys in Great Britain came along to “translate” them into the words God actually meant (meaning the KJV)?

What about the Bible translation work going on around the world?

This very moment, as I write this, Wycliffe Associates is supporting more than 1,550 translation projects, translating the Bible into languages around the world.

Not a single word of those translations is going to be KJV.

Do y’all seriously, honestly, intellectually believe that no one can be a “good Christian” unless he reads the Scriptures in 17TH-CENTURY ENGLISH?

I guess I’ll just go give the bad news to, like, literally 99.9% of Christians who have ever lived in the history of the world!

If We’re Here to Communicate…Shouldn’t We Speak Their Language?

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: ThisFragileTent

Not all English is created equal.

Meaning, many English-speakers (even those who speak it as a first language) have trouble with the phraseology of the King James.

I’ve heard a pastor preach about how bad “diver’s weights” are…not realizing the Proverb is talking about “diverse weights” AKA “weights of various (lying) measurements.” (Prov. 20:10…note how the ESV renders it…)

There was also a girl who was turned off from Jesus because she though He wanted children to suffer (“Suffer the little children to come unto Me…”). Using a translation that actually spoke her version of English helped her see that Jesus meant, “Let the children come to Me…”

We want to show people the real Jesus. I believe we can do that without compromising the truth of God, while still speaking in language people actually understand.

Incidentally…

Your tracts are written in modern English.

The cartoon on the back of one of your recent newsletter shows a “figure like a man” on a shiny throne, and he’s saying, “What are you doing with my words?”

Not, “What dost thou with My words?”

So is he really God if he’s using modern English sentence structure?

Oops! I was sarcastic!

Check out the tract “The Big Spender,” which y’all just published/republished.

It devotes a lot of text to explaining the Bible verses it quotes.

If it just used a translation that spoke modern English, it wouldn’t have to waste that space.

You apparently understand that the KJV doesn’t clearly communicate your meaning a lot of the time…so why do you insist on clinging to it? I’m honestly mystified.

“Do Not Add ANY Words…”

One of the things y’all complain about with other translations is “taking away” or “adding” words that aren’t in the original languages.

But honestly, the KJV isn’t immune, either.

Take this addition:

In John 8, we find the story of the woman caught in adultery.

The crowd asks Jesus to rule on the matter, and He ignores them to write in the dust.

Then the men, beginning with the oldest, left (vs. 9).

The KJV mentions they were “pricked in their consciences.”

The problem is, that phrase isn’t in the original Greek!

It helps with understanding the passage, but it’s an ADDITION to the literal words of Scripture! Those responsible for the KJV used their own interpretation in how they chose to render the passage.

To an extent, every translator makes choices like this.

But if you’re going to get bent out of shape over “adding or subtracting” from the word of God, you should at least apply the same metric to your own favorite translation. (Not even touching on the fact that Rev. 22:18-19 technically applies to “the book of this prophecy” AKA Revelation…)

Anger

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: pinterest

Y’all might have picked up on some “passion” from this writing. You might even read in a tang of bitterness, anger, or frustration.

That is not my intention. I’ve tried to speak as frankly as possible to take away some of the sting of my point…and because, if you are born again in the blood of Jesus Christ, then we are brother/sisters.

And that’s what siblings do: smack each other around, yell at each other, and be willing to die to protect each other.

So don’t mistake my sincere frustration for anything more hostile than sisterly care for the state of your witness and mentality.

I’ll be blunt…I don’t feel that care from your material.

When I open your newsletter and see a cartoon man guiltily holding an ESV, it hurts.

The ESV is one of the best translations for balancing the sense of the original languages (Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic) and communicating clearly with a modern English audience.

If Cartoon Man had been dropping the KJV for a TNIV or a Jehovah’s Witness Bible, I would agree with your condemnation.

But the ESV?

Attacking a solid translation isn’t fair.

You’re dying on this hill…and it ain’t pretty.

You’ve dedicated countless newsletter articles to this issue…You even have entire tracts dedicated – not to sharing the Good News of Jesus our Savior – but to the KJV!

I get you love it…but is it really so important to tell everyone that every single Bible translation is corrupted by some Satanic Catholic cult except your precious gold-plated King Jimmy?

(That sounds like the pop-up on that website I visited telling me about Jesus’ super secret cure for diabetes!)

The unbelievers are watching. Weak Christians are watching you. What do you want them to hear you say?

“Jesus washes us from our sins and teaches us to follow Him!”

or

“You need to be using my Bible or you’re a degenerate, reprobate heretic who’s probably not saved to begin with.”

One of these feels a whole lot more loving to me.

Your reasons are your own.

I don’t care if you really, really want to use the KJV. Whatever. You be you.

Maybe that’s what you grew up with, so it sounds familiar…maybe you like how it renders this or that passage…maybe it’s in the public domain, so can be used in new publications without any costly licenses or contracts (well, at least in the USA!).

You can defend your own preferences and make choices for your own publications without demonizing fellow sons and daughters of God!

GOD Builds His Church, Y’all!

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJVAnd God preserves His word.

Just look at the Septuagint.

This Greek translation of the Old Testament was pretty inaccurate in a lot of ways…even so far as changing the ages of the patriarchs in Genesis so that they no longer add up!

And yet, when people in the New Testament quote the Scriptures (Jesus, Paul, etc.) they use the Septuagint! (In Greek, by the way.)

Are y’all really saying that the All-powerful, All-wise God of the Universe can’t get His point across unless we use specific English words (words that even some native-speakers have trouble understanding)?!

Again, if you want to use the KJV, more power to ya.

Whatever floats your boat.

But stop telling every other Christian in the English-speaking world that we have to use some hundred-years-old translation commissioned under a Catholic king.

(Oh, yeah…y’all hate – Catholics, too. But that’s a discussion for another time.)

God speaks to the Christians in Tanzania…in Bolivia…in Indonesia…in Russia…and in Kansas. And He uses His Holy Spirit and the Scriptures to do it.

Yes, He calls us to faithfulness.

Yes, He calls us to follow to the best of our ability…to holiness…to love and patience and grace.

But…He’s like the literal MAKER AND KING OF THE UNIVERSE who sees the end from the beginning and if you’re honestly saying He needs your specific translation to reach the English-speaking world – then I have one question for you:

Whuht?

What Did God REALLY Say?

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: Unsplash

So…I wrote this section title, and suddenly remembered the person in the Bible who’s quoted as using those words.

Hint: he had a forked tongue.

Yes, there are bad translations. Some translations are better than others. But God in the person of the Holy Spirit hammers home the lessons He wants to teach each and every one of His children, and you’re not going to mess that up by reading the “wrong” Bible.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to get as close to the original as possible. But by “original” I mean the Greek/Hebrew/Aramaic that the original authors penned their words in.

It’s good to be concerned that we’re learning from reputable sources, and that we’re following God to the best of our ability.

But we’re all going to fall flat on our faces…and Jesus has to pick us up and help us walk again.

Remember Job: Satan is a dog on God’s leash.

Don’t you give that liar more credit than he deserves. He’ll try to twist our Scriptures, pull our pastors away after riches and sex, and confuse us with constant arguments about tiny details that don’t matter.

He’ll try.

But he can’t touch us unless our King and Master allows it…to test us, to teach us, or to teach someone else something.

So stop being so afraid! God’s got it!

The vibe I get from your material is that you’re so controlling and fixated on this particular aspect that you’ve taken your eyes off some other things that are equally (or perhaps more?) important:

“I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in the heavens above, or on the earth beneath, or in the waters below.”

“You Pharisees have abandoned the teaching of God in favor of man’s tradition. Foolish hypocrites!”

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

“The one who is weak should not judge the brother who is strong…and the one who is strong should not despise the brother who is weak.”

“Little children, love one another, for love comes from God.”

(Those are “off-the-top-of-my-head translations” of Exodus 20:1-4/Deut. 5:6-8; Mark 7:6-13; 1 Cor. 13:1-2; Rom. 14:1-4, 9-13; and 1 John 4:7-8)

I hope, hidden in my words here, you can feel the love…somewhere.

And I write this message with the firm conviction that y’all will…do precisely whatever you please.

But I had to write because I would hate for you to hum along without ever being confronted with an alternate perspective – AKA never being given the chance to choose differently.

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: Oliver Roos on Unsplash

Just as, in my own walk, I would far rather my church family bring issues to my attention so I can grow and improve…rather than let me float along in error without a clue.

Because the other thing the Holy Spirit does is He puts people in our lives to challenge us, irritate us, have painful conversations with us, and rub off our rough edges to make us more pure for our Father.

So to anyone who actually reads this…thank you!

Keep up the good work!

Fear not…God is king!

And if God starts poking you over something…well, it’s best if you listen the first time, is all I’m sayin’.


Featured image credit

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJVKimia Wood is a Christian – fundamentalist – patriarchalist.

She also writes novels full of lovable characters and mysterious plots. She’s currently living with her family somewhere in the American Midwest, bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier! You’ll also receive periodic updates on her latest reading and writing exploits.