“Already Gone” by Ken Ham and Britt Beemer

"Already Gone" by Ken Ham - Christian discipleship - Kimia WoodDo our twenty- and thirty-somethings stop attending church because they were not engaged at six, ten, or fourteen, either?

Ken Ham, of Answers in Genesis, and Britt Beemer, of America’s Research Group, ran a survey of 1000 “20–29 year olds who used to attend evangelical churches on a regular basis” but now rarely if ever attend church. Their question: Why do church kids go off to college, and never come back to the corporate church?

Reading Already Gone 13 years after it was published, and several decades into the “Great Deadening,” as we might call this generational falling-away, several things struck me from my unique perspective of being raised in the heart of the church, yet outside the Church culture.

Children of Caesar

First, let’s deal with the elephant in the room. The Educational Industrial Complex. A good 60% of Ham and Beemer’s sample attended Sunday School as children, yet its effect on their spiritual growth was “meh” at best, and detrimental at worst. In fact, the product page for Already Gone on AiG’s website contains these bullet points:

  • Those who faithfully attend Sunday School are more likely to leave the church than those who do not.
  • Those who regularly attend Sunday School are more likely to believe that the Bible is less true.
  • Those who regularly attend Sunday School are actually more likely to defend that abortion and gay marriage should be legal.
  • Those who regularly attend Sunday School are actually more likely to defend premarital sex.

Now add in this jaw-dropping statistic: “Ninety percent of children from church homes attend public/government schools” (emphasis mine). Yes, when we want our children to learn geology, astronomy, biology, anthropology, or anything else related to “real life,” we leave it in the hands of the Godless, secular school system. This is the information relating to their diplomas, their jobs, what the smart people say on TV, all that stuff that everyone around them insists is vitally important.

Then, when it comes to matters of “faith” (which in the popular mind implies squishy, metaphysical things for which there is no evidence), Mr. Ham estimates the average student gets 10 minutes per week of “focused, spiritual input from adults” at church. The math is just against us. Would you rather talk about an afterlife you can’t touch or see? Or deal with real, hard science you could grow up and get a job with in the real world?

Or, as Mr. Ham and Mr. Beemer put it much more succinctly:

The facts are relevant; faith is not. If you want to learn something that’s real, important, and meaningful, you do that at school. If you want to learn something that is lofty and emotional, you do that at church.

Obviously, “the things that are seen are passing away, while the things that are unseen are eternal”…but we need to actually teach our kids this. The default of our earthly minds is to focus on earthly things – and we need to actively confront this, both in our children and in ourselves.

One of Mr. Ham’s main solutions to this epidemic is “better curriculum” – actively connect the things we see in the physical world with the history and spiritual reality of the Bible, discuss the skeptics’ challenges to our faith and our worldview, and demonstrate how to stand strong in the face of a world that cannot grasp these spiritually discerned things. Fossils and physics and galaxies are relevant, yes…but the Bible teaches us how to interpret all these things and – more importantly – the Bible gives us a detailed introduction to the God who left His fingerprints on the universe.

Or, more simply put: teach Apologetics, which is an organized defense (or explanation) of Christian theology. Great idea. One hundred percent. I just want to see his bid, and raise him one:

Teach apologetics…to the entire church!

These children were taken in by the skeptics, because they didn’t have answers to the skeptics’ questions. They didn’t have answers, because no one gave them answers. No one gave them answers, because the adults didn’t have answers, either. The adults in the church didn’t have answers, because for too long the American church has drifted along in a “grandma” religion – believing it because “Grandma said it,” without actually examining their beliefs or forming a rigorous intellectual defense of their worldview.

And what better example of this can I find than the abdication of parental responsibility?

Parents have passed the sacred, God-given responsibility of teaching and discipling their own children to “experts.” I don’t care if the “expert” is a pastor, youth pastor, Sunday school teacher, or atheist college professor… parents are the front line for forming their children’s worldview and teaching them what is important (God and His word), what it means (apologetics and theology), and how it applies to their lives (they need to surrender their lives to Him in order to find forgiveness and true purpose). But most parents panic at the very idea.

Mr. Ham charges that Christian parents have ceded credibility about tangible, secular things to the school system…and so have also ceded the right to connect spiritual matters with the facts we can see and touch. I challenge that the two are one and the same – “the heavens declare the glory of God,” and to assume you can explore one without the other is to destroy the very ground you stand on.

How could parents fix this? By using everything – from math, to geology, to current events – to demonstrate God’s very present work in our lives and in our world, and to point their children to Him. Can a great Sunday School curriculum and kind-hearted church teachers help with this? Sure – but the instant parents think the church staff can do their work for them, they’ve lost a huge battle…and a huge opportunity to be faithful, and to see God work through their obedience.

As for those youth ministers:

Youth Segregation

The American church typically segregates the youth off from the rest of the church body. Even if they don’t have a youth group for the teenagers, they surely have a children’s church, Sunday school, or nursery for the younger kids.

Why do I bring this up? Based on research from George Barna:

“Nearly 50% of teens in the United States regularly attend church-related services or activities.

“More than three-quarters talk about their faith with their friends.

“Three out of five teens attend at least one youth group meeting at a church during a typical three-month period.”

And yet Already Gone asserts:

“We are one generation away from the evaporation of church as we know it.”

How can our young people be so plugged-in to church (apparently) and yet walk away once they graduate from college and don’t just come because Mommy makes them?

Of these thousand 20 to 29-year-old evangelicals who attended church regularly but no longer do so:

“95% of them attended church regularly during their elementary and middle school years

“55% attended church regularly during high school

“Of the thousand, only 11% were still going to church during their early college years”

“They were disengaging while they were still sitting in the pews. They were preparing their exit while they were faithfully attending youth groups and Sunday schools.”

What Mr. Ham and Mr. Beemer glean from this is: the college experience is not a magic cut-off point. Put another way – of the study participants who don’t believe all the accounts in the Bible are true, 80% had their first doubts in middle or high school.

You’d think this should go under the previous section – where I discussed the failure of Sunday school to counteract the influence of the public schools, and where Mr. Ham suggested an apologetics-based curriculum to prepare students for the intellectual conflicts of life. But this is a two-pronged problem, and the second prong is children are excluded from the life of the church.

At one point in his book, Mr. Ham asks his reader to look around on any Sunday morning, and look at all the kids patiently sitting next to their parents…then to imagine two-thirds of them gone. As for me, I can’t imagine – there are no kids in my Sunday morning congregation! That’s right: we march them away for “children’s church” where they can’t hear the solid Biblical teaching we give the adults, and they can’t see the men and women of the Christian body applying themselves – body and mind – to following God.

Knowing what we believe and why we believe it should be a part of every Christian’s spiritual development…and yet we somehow act like Christians under a certain age can only learn it among people of the same age group. Sheesh, we act that way for older Christians, too.

One of Mr. Ham’s final suggestions is mentoring teenagers to minister to other teenagers. Actually include young people in the life and work of the church? What a wild concept! Encourage them to serve alongside more experienced Christians? Insane! Provide opportunities for deeply-rooted, well-learned Christian young people to teach more childish Christians who just happen to be older than they are? Get that idea out of here!

We actually have two pits to fall into.

The first is that children are naturally innocent, and can be considered Christians just because Mommy and Daddy brought them to church since they were six months old, and they know all the right answers and never act out (even if they’ve never made an explicit profession of faith, or shown any fruit of the Holy Spirit’s work in their lives).

The second is that young people are an entirely different breed who cannot be integrated into the regular body of believers. We create youth groups and college-student-focused ministries to keep them in their own sub-culture as long as possible, instead of folding them gently and naturally into the larger congregation, where they could develop accountability relationships and learn to confront the challenges of the world from other Christians who have already experienced them…y’know, just like regular Christians.

While Mr. Ham and Mr. Beemer don’t spell out these problems in so many words, they do insist children are never too young to learn apologetics. You might have to adapt the lesson to the learner…but dinosaurs are pretty much Answers in Genesis’ signature trademark – and who doesn’t love learning about dinosaurs and how God created them on Day 6 (and told us about it in His Word)? The topics for connecting people to God are limitless… After all, He is limitless – and eager to connect with us. We don’t have to be afraid. God has given us so many answers to the nay-sayers in His word…all we have to do is open it and look for them. What’s more, Answers in Genesis and other ministries like it have plenty of resources to help us find answers to questions.

Following God is a journey – and journeys are better if you have someone to travel with. Instead of shoving children off to flounder on their own, we should be inviting them to walk alongside us as we learn how to answer the skeptics of our day and to confront lies with God’s Truth.

Church vs. “church”

One of the things Mr. Ham found most interesting in the survey data is: “12 percent of those surveyed answered all the questions correctly.” That is, they understood what the Bible actually says, claimed to hold to Christian doctrine, and still believed themselves to be saved. Yet being part of the physical gathering of God’s people is part of following Him on this earth. So why has this group “left”?

This might be a good place to comment: Mr. Ham tends to use “Church” (capitalized) to refer to the true, invisible, spiritual, omnitemporal gathering of God’s people…while at the same time confusing it with the brick-and-mortar, service-times-listed-on-the-sign “church” that most of us in Western culture associate with the word. I would have done the reverse: use “church” to mean the fundamental, intangible structure of God’s body – and use “Church” (or “Church TM”) to refer to the tax-exempt facade superimposed on top of the true church. (But even I haven’t kept it entirely consistent in writing this review, so I guess the most important point is to keep these two bodies distinct in our thinking while we examine this issue.)

So what do we make of this mysterious 12%?

“They all went to church growing up. They still claim to believe the major tenets of the Christian faith…but there they are on our AWOL list. Clearly, factors other than their belief in the Bible and traditional Christian values have influenced their decision to leave. As we crunched the data from our survey, it became apparent that commonly held stereotypes of those who are leaving the Church are not altogether accurate. Church attendees tend to blame the epidemic on those who have left. We label them as apostate, insincere, uncommitted, lazy, or indifferent. You can believe that the Bible is true and intellectually accepted but still not feel called to go to church on Sunday.” [emphasis mine]

Mr. Ham and Mr. Beemer talk about two groups within their survey: Group 1 has left the church and never comes back, and never intends to come back. Group 2 attends on Easter and/or Christmas, and is more likely to express the intention of coming back once these men and women have children of their own.

“Group 1 believes the service is boring, the agenda is too political, and that the Bible is not relevant. These people have a low level of belief in the Bible.”

In other words, they “know” the answers…they just haven’t claimed these answers as their own, nor accepted God’s view of the world over the view extended by the secularists all around them.

“When reporting what they miss about church, those respondents in Group 1 said that they miss the music … but that’s obviously not enough to persuade them to come back. … They don’t like the people and they don’t believe the message, so there’s really no reason for them to come back at all. The Bible is irrelevant to them and the people are too. They won’t come back unless something changes on this level.”

Apparently “they went out from us, because they were not of us.”

“Group 2, on the other hand, has a much higher level of belief in the Bible. Three-quarters of them believe that they are saved and report relatively high levels of belief in biblical accuracy, authority, and history. The obvious point here is that over half of the people who have left the Church are still solid believers in Jesus Christ.”

(Note: these are Mr. Ham’s words, and I don’t have a firm enough grasp on the survey numbers to understand his fraction here. I remember feeling he was too eager to count respondents who gave the “right answers” as true Christians, without knowing about any other fruit of the Spirit in their lives. If over half of the people surveyed are really “true believers,” why do they have no desire to meet with God’s people? But I think I’m getting ahead of myself here…back to defining Mr. Ham’s “Group 2”-)

“When asked what they miss about church, they report that they miss the pastor’s teaching. What they object to, however, is hypocrisy, legalism, and self-righteousness. The Bible is relevant to them, but the church is not. This group needs to be convinced that Christians in the church are living by God’s truth, and are living in a way that is relevant to their lives (such as being a positive influence on their children).” [bold emphasis mine]

Incidentally, of those respondents who miss any part of the church service, “[o]nly about 7 percent said they missed the music, and nobody was missing Sunday school”. Now can we please stop singing bad praise songs because we think it’ll draw in the “younger generation?” Okay, that’s beside the point.

Mr. Ham theorizes that this Group 2 recognizes they do not have a problem with God, just with other humans. He is hopeful that they will bring their own children to services for the spiritual instruction, and to connect with other Christian brothers and sisters to help them grow. He also theorizes that, if the Group 2 people left the organized church partly over a disagreement with other members, that they will find a new place in the corporate body once the other people have either died or left.

There is of course an alternative interpretation.

These young people may say they want their own kids to experience church because they believe in it as a cultural institution – perhaps we should say “Church TM” – and just find it healthy like a gym membership or 4H is healthy. They believe in the tenets of the Christian faith in the way they believe in niceness and a “higher power” and presents at Christmas…not in the way Peter believed in it as he ate breakfast with the resurrected Jesus or Paul believed it as he sat chained in prison for proclaiming this same Jesus.

This is something we cannot know without looking at the true hearts of people…and only God can do that, so we need to leave it in His hands. But it is true that “if you love Me, you will keep My commands” – and one of the commands Jesus left us was to keep meeting together…for encouragement, for discipleship, for corporate worship, and for mutual teaching and sharing of burdens.

Mr. Ham again quotes a George Barna report:

If people “cannot find a local church that will help them become more like Christ, then they will find people and groups that will, and connect with them instead of a local church” – and twenty-somethings are 70% more likely to take this stance than older adults.

But wait a minute…a group of people who meet for the express purpose of honoring God and becoming more like His Son? That is a church…even if it’s not tax-exempt and it doesn’t meet in a fancy building.

So perhaps we have a Group 3…a group that looks kind of like me.

This group firmly believes God and His word. They strive to follow Jesus and are listening to His Holy Spirit as He changes them from the heart outward. But they’re tired of being treated like children by the Church (TM) that spends more time making people remove their hats while indoors than confronting the skeptic questions of the day.

The young people of Group 3 want to be part of the church body and participate in the teaching and learning and mutual growth…but they’ve been told to stop upsetting the apple cart, and to get in line. Maybe they were shuffled off to youth group, when they would much rather be studying theological necessities with the adults. They want to ask questions and hold people to the standard of God’s word…but the grid-locked structure of the institutional Church and those who lead it do not allow them to.

So they find another place where they can actually be Christians and exercise their faith. Whether or not they still show up at a fancy building on Sunday mornings, their actual “church” fellowship takes place some other time of the week…in a small group with other believers, where they can be challenged, taught, and nurtured to serve and contribute as God has called them.

This discussion feels deeply personal, and is perhaps moving away from the core concerns of Mr. Ham’s book. But I feel we are still on the same page, because his ultimate solution for this Great Deadening (as I have dubbed it) is basically:

Teach God’s word and live God’s word.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

When we proclaim God’s word, His Spirit has the power to take those words and convict people’s hearts and call souls to Himself. Who builds the church? Jesus said, “I will build My church”!

God Builds His Church!

“Britt and I are praying that one of the consequences of this book is that churches will be changed from the inside out by the Word of God. We also pray that committed believers will have the freedom to leave, if necessary, to find a group of individuals that prioritizes the sharing of the Word of God, teaching how to defend the Christian faith and uphold the authority of the Word in today’s world, and lives by the principles of the Word of God. And we are also praying that those who have left the Church will find their way back into this type of fellowship.”

This is not something pastors and Christian educators can do. Maybe they can help as parents step up to the plate and become more intentional about training their children in the knowledge of God’s truth…but ultimately, this is a battle for every single Christian believer to stand strong and be faithful where God has put him or her.

One of the funniest quotes from Already Gone is:

“Our country has forsaken its Christian soul.”

Countries don’t have souls. People do. God calls every single one of His children to read the Word for himself and practice following the leading of Jesus every moment of every day. No one else can do it for you, nor can anyone (even the Apostle Paul) follow God on behalf of someone else.

So the good news is: the world is not worse than it’s ever been. And maybe the veneer is being ripped away to expose just how naked and blind the American people have always been, so finally – finally – they will be hungry and thirsty for the Spirit of God and His righteousness. Perhaps God is exposing the cracks in the single-pastor-led, overly-crowded-congregation organizational model, so that the way will finally be open for a new “mode” of church fellowship…the church that has been meeting in homes and forest clearings and catacombs for two thousand years (or more?? Abraham??), learning and failing and worshiping and squabbling and standing washed in the blood of Jesus.

The other good news is that: if we trust God, He will clothe us in His righteousness and bring about His work, no matter how often we screw up. When we don’t teach our kids correctly, or love our church brothers and sisters perfectly, or give the right answer to an accusing agnostic, God is powerful and will fill up our failings with His victory.

Stand firm, and be obedient.


Disclaimer: Seven chapters and an introduction are available for free on the Answers in Genesis website. I’m not sure whether this is the entire text of Already Gone, but this is what I read and where I read it. I was not required to write a review of any kind.

The book is also available from Amazon, from Kobo, from Barnes & Noble, or as paperback or ebook versions from Answers in Genesis.

Do We Trust God?- Patriarchy, Abuse, and a Radical Call to Biblical Christianity

Do We Trust God?- Patriarchy, Abuse, and a Radical Call to Biblical Christianity

Does abuse make it okay for women* to divorce their husbands?

That’s the question of the day…and it’s a toughie.

(*This post is framed in terms of female victims and male aggressors, because it’s easier to speak specifically that way – and it’s more common for physical abuse. But we all know women are also dirty sinners who need Jesus, and can be abusers just as easily.)

God hates divorce.

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Pixabay

Jesus told us that He allowed it because of our sinfulness…but He also made it clear that He designed marriage for something better.

“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matt. 19:9)

So, short answer:

I don’t see “abuse” mentioned here.

But that’s a hard thing to say to the woman whose husband beats her, verbally destroys her, or otherwise degrades her body, mind and heart. That’s not how it’s meant to be. God’s heart breaks with ours for her.

But what does God’s word say we should do?

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Jesus is God (John 1:1-5), created the world (Heb. 1:1-4), and is the exact radiance of His Father.

And yet – he suffered abuse! Isaiah 53:3-11 describes the “Man of sorrows” who suffered cruelty, mockery, and literal whips and nails.

Your husband abusing you does not mean you’ve done something wrong!

God says men should be the leaders of the family (1 Cor. 11:3) and love [their] wives, as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25). But they screw up. A lot.

Big surprise. Adam, the very first man, the first human, and the perfect creation of God, chose to reject his Creator – and doomed us all.

Yes, you are a sinner. But you are not responsible for others’ sin.

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Pixabay

Jesus – perfect, sinless God-man – suffered and died…for us.

Job – faithful servant of God – suffered horribly. He went from the rich owner of many herds, happy father of many children, faithful benefactor of orphans and widows, and devoted worshipper of God, to:

Penniless father of dead children, whose own wife advised him to “Curse God and die!”, sick and sore-covered worshiper of God. Remember: his own “friends” came over while he was treating his boils with ashes and accused him of the equivalent of “running a pedophile ring” or something…

And “In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (Job 1:22).

Shelby (I’m going to call this theoretical abused woman “Shelby”) – your husband is doing horrible, wicked things. That doesn’t mean you’ve sinned! Are there choices you made in the past that could have led here? Absolutely! But suffering is not always a punishment! (see Acts 5:40-41)

So…”how then should we live?” How can we honor God in the midst of these sinful circumstances?

Be Imitators of God

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Joseph Martin Kronheim/Kean Collection/Getty Images via SCPR.org

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. (Eph. 5:1-4)

Ephesians 5 is a classic passage for talking about marriage…but do you see how the chapter starts?

“Be imitators of God…” That’s how you start. Don’t let yourself be controlled by what your husband is doing…you keep your eyes on Jesus.

“Be pure and free of coveting…watch how you walk, so as to separate yourselves from the sons of darkness, and submit to one another out of reverence for Christ!”

God never promised it would be easy. In fact, He promised we couldn’t do it – not without His help and His Holy Spirit living inside us. But take comfort from the words of Paul:

If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Cor. 7: 13-16)

I don’t see from this that Shelby (our suffering wife) can leave her husband. But if he wants to leave, she has no obligation to stop him, or pursue him. If she found Jesus, and he refused Jesus – she is to live at peace.

This is the adornment of the daughters of God: quiet spirit, humble attitude, a servant’s heart (see 1 Peter 3:1-6; we see the church fathers were in agreement about this). You will stand out from the women of the world, and display the truth of God’s word by living this way.

What does that look like when you’re scared to go home? I don’t know. But I know God will be with you.

“What Can Man Do To Me?”

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity“Abuse” takes many forms. Some British politicians suggested expanding it to “economic abuse.”

But a husband who beats his wife is obviously sinning. He is not being considerate of the fact she’s a delicate flower compared to him (1 Peter 3:7), nor honoring her as he honors his own body (Eph. 5:28-31).

“Shelby” can’t make him care about that, of course. So –

What can Shelby do? And what are the possible outcomes?

  • Shelby might die.

Okay. If Shelby belongs to Jesus…then she just graduated and shot to her place under the altar before the throne of God (Rev. 6:9-11)!

Yes, death is serious, and we shouldn’t be flippant about it…but let’s be real about Who we serve. Jesus, the Grand Executor of Death.

No, I don’t think we should go around advising the Shelbys in our lives to hope her husband kills her – but we need to get a grip on what we’re really afraid of.

Suffering is bad. Pain is bad. But they’re not something we can’t face – and in fact, even death is something Christians have faced throughout history…often gladly. Singing hymns as the stones flew, or the lions ate them.

This is where Shelby’s response to her husband is going to be crucial.

Now, God’s not going to disinherit her if she responds badly (gossiping, backbiting, disrespecting him, etc.)…but think of the glory when she is faithful – patient, peace-making, respectful, gentle-hearted! When her neighbors and relatives look at her life and death, they will say, “How could she put up with that? Why did she submit to him without enabling him?”

The answer, of course, will be: only through the POWER of Jesus! (Matt. 5:43-44)

(Besides, life in prison might be where Shelby’s husband finally breaks and turns to Jesus.)

  • Shelby’s kids might die.

This is a more serious consideration…but again, if they belong to Jesus, that just means they’re home free.

And besides, on what basis do we want concerned individuals taking children away from their families? God gave these children to this family…and even if we can’t understand His logic, it’s our duty as Christians to do things His way – especially when it’s hard.

With that in mind, should Shelby send them away (to her mom’s, to foster care, etc.) – while staying in the house to witness to her husband? You could make a case that her “sphere of authority” means this could be an option for her to exercise her responsibility for her kids. But see the 1 Cor. 7 passage above…I’m not convinced from God’s word that we should break up this family as our first option – but more on that below.

  • Shelby’s husband may be convicted, turn from his sin, and surrender to Jesus.

Hallelujah!

  • Shelby may sin.

Either by leaving him, responding in kind (evil for evil), or some other response that’s contrary to God’s word.

Sure, God can forgive her…but –

…if through my lie God’s truth abounds to his glory, why am I still being condemned as a sinner?

And why not do evil that good may come?—as some people slanderously charge us with saying. Their condemnation is just. (Rom. 3:7-8)

As much as it breaks our hearts, as Christian brothers and sisters to the Shelbys in our lives it is our duty to remind them of God’s truth and help them live it out.

  • Shelby may break under the strain, and abandon her faith in Jesus.

This is even worse than outright death. As Christians, we know that physical death only affects our bodies – but Jesus gave His own blood to the whip and to the cross to rescue us from spiritual death.

When we put our trust in God, believe what He did for us, and claim His death as our own, we become part of the refugee-party.

If Shelby turns her back on this, saying something like, “I can’t believe in a God who would make me suffer like this,” then what else could possibly save her? God literally already gave His Only Son for her…what more could be given? What other blood could wash away her sins and seal her for the New Earth?

  • Other people may see her suffering, and decide that God doesn’t care.

I don’t have to explain this one, do I? It’s a classic atheist excuse for ignoring God:

“Well, if God is real, why does He allow X, Y, or Z?”

Real Christians know the answers to this: “Are you able to drink the cup I drink?” God allows us free will – and since Adam, we have chosen suffering and oppression – but He also made a way to fix things…through the blood of His own innocent Son, Jesus.

If the people of the world still won’t understand…that’s on them. Not on Shelby, and not on her friends nor the other Christians in her life.

But – this does give us the opportunity to ask: what can we do about it?

How can we show the world the great compassion of God – without breaking His word?

To Comfort Widows and Orphans in Distress

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Kate Remmer on Unsplash

We know God cares about women. Just one quick example: while Jesus was hanging from His wrists and the shredded muscles of His back were sticking to the wood behind Him, He still took the time to make sure His mother had a designated person to give her a roof and meals and protection (John 19:26-27).

As Christians, we’ve faced what we’re really afraid of about abuse…and we’ve reminded ourselves of how God calls us to live. So what does it actually look like, in the physical world? What does it look like to live like God – pleasing Him and helping the hurting?

We Can’t Start By Trusting Ourselves

I know what my very first response is.

If I saw my good friend “Shelby” being punched and yelled at by her husband, I would storm over there with a pitchfork, load her and her kids into my car, and move them into my house until her husband agreed to counseling, or went to jail.

And that – is not from the Bible. That’s from my own heart and head.

Why does God allow evil? Because He allows us a choice — He gives all of us free will…that means Shelby’s husband and Shelby.

Kidnapping Shelby because it’s “in her best interests” is denying her the free will and responsibility she has before God! She has no chance to submit to a sinful husband if I jump in and interfere! She has no chance to confront her husband with Scripture and pray over him as he abuses her.

My heart breaks for those who suffer – and that’s as it should be! But I must never, ever say “I have to do X, Y, or Z, otherwise P, Q, or J bad-thing will happen.” When I do that, I’m not trusting God.

Just like Shelby is not responsible for her husband’s choices, I cannot be responsible for her choices. I can pray for her, tell her what I think is best, and offer all the help I can give…but the decision has to be hers.

Love One Another

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. (1 Cor. 13:4-6)

So how can Shelby love her husband – while obeying God’s word, showing the world the beauty of a humble and submissive spirit, and warning him of the consequences of his sin?

Well…God tells us to “be subject to governing authorities” (Rom. 13:1-4) and “render to Caesar what is Caesar’s” (Matt 22:16-21).

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Mike Popovich on Unsplash

And spousal abuse is – illegal.

Penalties and definitions will vary depending on where you live…but beating your spouse is Assault and Battery.

Shelby, you have a duty to the civil authority to report that. Maybe you don’t want to, maybe you’re afraid what will happen if you do, but your husband’s sin hurts his relationship with God. As his wife, you have a duty to respect him by not gossiping to neighbors and friends, not talking behind his back, not lashing out in anger or using foolish speech, not retaliating or losing your temper yourself…but you also have a duty as his spiritual partner to encourage his relationship with Jesus.

Does he claim to be a follower of Christ? Remind him of God’s word, and discuss his behavior as his concerned sister and soul-mate. Don’t sugar-coat sin…but don’t use personal disagreements as an excuse to attack his spiritual walk. Remember: your goal is to ingest, live, and breathe out Scripture so both of you can draw closer to your King.

Does your husband not have a relationship with Jesus?

Then he doesn’t have the Holy Spirit living inside him, raking him over the coals of conscience every time he loses his temper.

Either way, Shelby, you won’t help him by misrepresenting his actions (lying), making excuses for him (like shifting blame to yourself), or helping him escape the consequences of his actions.

When my brother and I were little, our parents regularly prayed that, if we snuck around to do something we shouldn’t, that we would be caught! Pray the same for your husband (and children)!

If your husband physically attacks you, call the police! File a report, and send him to jail! God gave the government the “sword” so they can punish wrong-doers.

You can still visit him, and speak God’s truth to him. Maybe facing real consequences for his bad behavior will finally teach him some restraint.

Easy? Of course not. And it’s all the harder because this is a choice only you can make. Don’t ask your sister or Sunday School teacher or pastor or neighbor to file a police report for something that happened to you. You are the one with a duty to your husband, and your children…honor the “emperor” and allow him jurisdiction over your abusive husband.

Trust and Obey

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical ChristianityMaybe you’re a different Shelby — your husband doesn’t beat you, but he does verbally hurt you and belittle you and stomp on your emotions.

This is also a hard road, but that’s no excuse for leaving the path God has drawn for us.

Eat His word. Not devotionals, not other human’s advice – God’s actual inspired word in the Bible. If you are a Christian, then His Holy Spirit lives inside you, and He will give you strength to follow where He leads.

Even if He leads you to the Valley of the Shadow of Death.

The LORD is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me? (Psalm 118:6)

He will even surround you with brothers and sisters in Jesus to encourage you and testify when you are walking the hard but straight path.

What About the Rest of Us?

How can we “comfort widows and orphans in their distress” (James 1:27) – without breaking God’s word, and without trying to be responsible for everyone else’s choices?!

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. (Eph. 5:15-16)

Recognizing that we will never “change the world”…that we will never create a utopia where every man is perfectly loving and kind to his wife and children, and every wife is respectful and supportive of her husband, and all the children obey their parents with good attitudes the first time…*takes breath* in spite of our weaknesses and the broken state of the world, what can we do?

Point Everyone to Jesus

Only when they fix their eyes completely and exclusively on Jesus will husbands—

  • shun porn and satisfy themselves with their wives;
  • sacrifice their dreams and career ambitions to disciple their children and spend quality time with their wives;
  • love their wives enough to tell them the hard truths of God, so their womenfolk can grow into the fully mature princesses they were created to be;
  • give gentle and patient answers to sarcasm, ridicule, passive-aggression, manipulation, and bullying;
  • stand between their daughters and the world, letting their precious girls know that nobody will hurt them and live to tell about it;
  • other things God calls men to!

Only when they fall head-over-heels in love with Jesus can wives—

  • let their husbands do the “men” jobs, even when they’re bumbling around and not doing it well;
  • trade the world’s measure of success (based on education, money, achievement, and social standing) for God’s measure…and then devote themselves to training their children to love God, love others, have humble hearts, and trust Him alone;
  • trust God completely, and let their children make the mistakes that God will use to instruct them (you can’t live their lives for them, after all!);
  • do all that, and still have time to host strangers in their homes, donate time and resources to the poor, share the Good News with their neighbors, etc. (Titus 2; Prov. 31);
  • basically show the world what a woman ruled by the Spirit of God acts like!

We are called to be a distinct people – a kingdom of priests – set apart and holy.

So “…in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy…”Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Which comes from 1 Peter 3:

Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good?

But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.

For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. (vv. 13-17)

Confront Sin

Does Shelby’s husband claim to be a Christian? Well, then, men of the church – you have a God-given duty to march over to his house and ask him, “Whut?!”

Let’s do this right, though. Check out Matthew 18.

Jim, you saw the bruises on Shelby’s face. So, you take Alex with you as a witness, and go over to the Shelby household. Sit her husband down and ask, “What the heck, man?”

Get his side of the story. Get at the truth.

Tell him, “husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

“He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.” (Eph. 5:28b-30)

“You don’t go banging your head into the wall, eh, man? So stop defiling the name of your Lord and sinning against His daughter and our spiritual sister, and straighten up.”

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image source: ThisFragileTent

If he doesn’t listen to you, the next step is to talk to the elders of the church. But you don’t need me to read Matthew 18 to you…you can figure this out. The point is, there’s a God-honoring way to do this.

And if Nadab and Abihu taught us anything, it’s – sad things happen when we don’t follow God’s instructions! AKA two wrongs don’t make a right.

(Check out Paul’s letters to the Corinthians. Some guy was living with his step-mother – and in his first letter Paul chewed them out for not dealing with it like the sin it was. From the second letter, we can glean that the church kicked the guy out until he straightened up…and Paul encouraged them to repair their relationships because the guy had repented. In the house of God, discipline always longs for repentance and reconciliation…because the goal is holiness.)

Open God’s word. Pray. Do it right.

Don’t try to make their choices for them…but point them to Jesus and His word.

My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins. (James 5:19-20)

Stop Shaming Singles

Shelby got into this marriage somehow, right?

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianty

Photo credit: Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Okay, frankly, I’ve been really blessed…I’ve only had one really painful conversation, and it was with my grandparents, who I know love me dearly.

But…

We all know youth group is for the teenagers to pair off. A lot of our seminars and “retreats” are geared towards husbands and wives…which, y’know, is great ‘cause that’s a large percentage of the population…but it kinda leaves us singles out in the cold.

I’m not the only one feeling this, either. The idea that singleness is just a “stage” on the way to marriage (and that marriage is the great end goal of our lives) permeates our unconscious attitudes and word choices. If you’re pushing thirty and still not posting baby pictures on Facebook, what’s wrong with you?!

Obviously, marriage is a fantastic gift from God. GK Chesterton said something like, “Don’t complain that God doesn’t let you enjoy all the women. Marvel that He allows you to have one.”

I think I’ve already discussed in this very post how a sanctified marriage, forged in imitation of the God-Head and His Church, built on the foundation of His word and for His glory, is a beautiful thing.

But here I am, late twenties, never been on a date. Never been asked on a date.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Yes – I dearly, passionately wish I was married by this time! I have friends in my small group just a few years older than I am, whose third kid is already a year old!

But God has not led me to marriage. I’ve been too busy working at the job He gave me, visiting people He wants me to minister to, learning spiritual lessons He wants to teach me, and sharing His Good News with the people He sent me to.

Yes, a God-honoring marriage is glory and blessing.

But God-honoring chastity and celibacy and patience in the face of alone-ness is also glory and blessing.

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Unsplash

Let’s teach our young people to be satisfied with Jesus! Show your young women and girls they have a church family that will always be there for them and protect them.

Then, maybe they won’t be so desperate and vulnerable that they fall for the first smooth-talking abuser-in-waiting who makes them “feel” special. My great-grandpa had a saying: “Better to be single than wishing you were.”

(Yes, to Shelby this might feel like “closing the barn door after the horse has escaped,” but there are other future-Shelbys out there we need to protect!)

In the world out there, you can’t swing a cat without hitting a romance novel, or a movie with a romantic subplot, or an advertisement with sexual undertones, or a person with a broken heart and a string of failed relationships.

Church, let’s teach the whole council of God.

Let’s teach people the high and holy duties of a Christian marriage, yes…but let’s also teach our young people that they are not defined by a romantic relationship!

If our children and grandchildren belong to Jesus, that is the only relationship in their lives that matters! And if a seminary professor, or an angel from heaven!, were to take a knee and ask for your daughter’s hand…a 1000 times better for her to say, “No,” than to violate God’s will for her life!

And even if he’s a “nice” “Christian” guy – if her eyes are on his hot body, or her own loneliness, or financial security or people’s opinion of her or anything other than the Incarnate God-Man our Master Jesus Anointed-One, then SHE IS DOING IT WRONG.

And with a start like that, who’s surprised when their marriage is full of selfishness, manipulation, bullying, deception, and suffering?

Can God redeem a fallen relationship like this?

Is Jesus descended from King David, whose grandmother Ruth was a Moabitess, whose founding ancestor Moab was the son of Lot by Lot’s own daughter?

(In case you’re wondering…yes. The answer is yes. Matt. 1 and Gen. 19.)

Buuuut…do we want to create situations for God to redeem?

As Paul said to a similar question, “By no means!…” (Rom. 3:6).

So…teach our young men and ladies to be satisfied with Jesus.

If Shelby is a Christian…she really, really shouldn’t marry a non-Christian. No matter how polite, rich, or hot he is. Even if he’s a delightful man who never abuses her at all – this is not the will of God for His daughters (1 Cor. 7, among others).

And teach them the red flags to look for, to detect potential abusers before the fact.

But that’s going to require something else:

Be More Than Sunday Acquaintances

Actually involve yourself in Shelby’s life. She could be your sister, your mother, your daughter…or your neighbor, your coworker, or someone in your church.

Do you smile and nod and ask, “Hi, how are you?” without really listening to the answer?

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

That’s a problem.

Do you invest in Shelby’s life, know her kids and what they’re busy with, take casseroles over to her house when she’s sick, know what her husband does for a living, etc.? Obviously you can’t be this involved with every family in the church…but you’re not called to be. You’re only called to get involved with the families God has placed in your life.

Is Shelby in your small group or Sunday school class? Are her kids in the same class as your kids? Is she your neighbor? Your sister?

The Good Samaritan didn’t go up and down the land of Israel looking for robbery victims to help. He just happened to be on his way to work, when God put someone in his path…someone in need. And the Samaritan helped him…regardless of how late it made him, or how expensive the medical care was, or whether people walking by would think mean things about him as he lifted the man onto his donkey.

If you are a part of Shelby’s life, then you’ll notice the signs that something isn’t right. And you’ll have the moral cred to step in and help when she needs it. She’ll know you’re not just there to tell her how to run her life…that you actually care.

Because you’ve been there for her.

Shelby – do you have mature Christian women in your life to do this? If not – go find some! Don’t look for women who will just cry and feel bad and hug you (although you will need that sometimes)…look for women who love Jesus more than they love you, and will show you in His word when you’re doing something wrong.

Flag the Wolves

I think the reason a lot of people are uncomfortable with this topic is that, too often, everything has been handled the wrong way.

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Unsplash

Shelby’s husband puts a good face on it, and the situation devolves into “he said, she said.”

Or…let’s face it. Sometimes Shelby is an emotional wreck, with no proper spiritual head in her life, and runs damage control for the very person abusing her! Her husband is supposed to be her head…but if he’s not doing his job, it’s easy for her to lose her moorings. Especially when he’s abusing her emotions on top of that.

How do we lovingly tell her that she’s enabling her husband’s sin, and it’s okay to confide in her older Christian mentors? Without, y’know, taking over her life like all her abusive boyfriends? (That’s another hard truth to face: some women gravitate to men who abuse them.)

Or – prepare for a big surprise – sometimes church elders are sinners, too. *audible gasp!*

They have too much invested in the status quo, in how outsiders perceive their congregation, or in their relationships with Shelby’s husband that they ignore the abuse or cover it up.

The recent scandals of the Catholic church and Southern Baptist Convention are easy examples. In these cases, it was actually the church leadership “us[ing] the name of Jesus to prey on” vulnerable people in their care; Russell Moore (head of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention) called this “horrific depravity” (quoted by Kent Covington in WORLD Magazine).

How did God call us to respond to this situation?

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image source: ThisFragileTent

Read Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 5…and stand firm on God’s word. If these creeps (Jude 4) running your church building don’t really know Jesus – then you need to share God’s Good News so they can repent and escape hell!

If they are members of Jesus’ body – you need to share God’s Good News so they can repent! Sin interferes in our relationship with God (Matt. 5:23-24) and harms our witness to the unbelieving world… Don’t worry about them facing here-and-now consequences for their wickedness (like prison) if it helps them sort out their hearts before God (1 Cor. 5:3-5).

(Again – allowing the “emperor” the authority that God gave him to punish evil – like sex and child abuse. We’re not running off to form our own inquisition here.)

Some people use Scripture to batter their women-folk into subservience.

But did Adam doom us all by following the advice of his wife and a snake and seizing by conquest the one thing God had not given him?

(Yes. Yes he did.) And ever since, every one of us has been a twisted sinner, fighting God’s law and striving to rule the world ourselves.

Does my sinfulness (or Shelby’s, or her husband’s, or Joel Osteen’s) invalidate the word of God? Stark verboten!

What if the elders at your church are on the take?

Do We Trust God? — Kimia Wood — patriarchy, abuse, Biblical Christianity

Image credit: Unsplash

Corrupt church leadership? Shuffling sexual predators from church to church to protect our “reputation?” Using the Bible like a club to tell women to shut up and make me a sandwich already?!

*gasp!* It’s not like the religious leaders of Jesus’ day were twisting God’s word to satisfy their greed and lust, and leaving their elderly parents and disfavored wives out in the cold (Mark 7:9-13)!

“Elders” just means “old dudes,” okay? So, if you’re a mature believer and “little Christ,” then it’s your responsibility to get involved!

My family hasn’t taken our church problems to court in the past, because it wasn’t worth the trouble for us (and “don’t you have any learned men to decide cases in the body?”)

But if there are serious sin issues going on – treat it seriously.

I don’t care if they’re your next door neighbor, or the president of your denomination, or your own brother – these creeps should be behind bars! They haven’t gone beyond the reach of God if they serve a prison sentence. Maybe this is the only way He could reach them! After all, when they’re full of themselves, they might think they don’t need anything…when actually—

For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. (Rev. 3:17)

Ignoring their deeds and covering up the sin isn’t “loving” to these creeps…and it isn’t “loving” to their victims, either.

Jesus didn’t come to make us feel warm and fuzzy and affectionate toward each other (Matt. 10:34-39).

He came to pay the penalty of our sin and give us His righteousness.

God is in the business of fixing broken things.

Just go read James, people. In fact, go read the rest of your Bible. It’s the only way to really make Jesus your Spiritual Head, and ensure that you’re walking in His will…not using “abuse” as a get-out-of-jail-free card every time the road gets tough. Marriage is supposed to be hard…that way we lean only on Jesus, not our own strength.

And that’s the bottom line…do we trust God? Trust Him enough to obey His word? Even when there’s something nasty involved, like abuse?

Do I trust Him enough to let Him run Shelby’s life – instead of me?

As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful. (James 5:10-11)


This post is approved by my spiritual head.

Kimia Wood currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family – including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

She’s bracing for the collapse of society by working, baking, knitting, writing, and other excuses for not gardening.

Subscribe to the mailing list to be notified when she publishes a new novel!

“Eight Cousins” by Louisa May Alcott

"Eight Cousins" by Louisa May Alcott — Kimia Wood My tattered paperback attests that this simple classic was my absolute favorite book at the age of twelve.

Revisiting it a full fifteen years later not only brings fresh perspective on the situations and characters I once adored, but confirms that this “Young Adult” novel is one for the ages!

Seven Boys and a Girl

Rose Campbell has recently lost her father, and so is forced to move in with her great-aunts on the “Aunt Hill,” where the whole of her large extended family is eager to meet her.

But all seven of her cousins are boys! Oh, what is a poor, sheltered little flower to do?

Worst of all, when her new guardian – her uncle Dr. Alec – shows up, he turns out to be so eccentric that he wants her to run (the un-lady-like horror)…to wear loose-fitting scarves and dresses of bright colors (not the belt that held in her petite waist)…to eat plenty of healthy, wholesome food…to work with her hands…and overall to fill out her small frame, rosy up her cheeks, and draw her out of herself so that she can become the healthy, confident, caring young woman she was meant to be. Continue reading

My 27 Happy Birthday Things

Today – April 27 – I turn 27 years old.

(That’s right, isn’t it, Mom? Right? [math]…okay, yeah.)

My day-job is still on quarantine shut-down – along with most things in my state – but I figured I could still have fun by coming up with 27 things that I like.

Read on to: 1) find some things you might like to try; 2) rejoice that something you like is enjoyed by someone else; and 3) find out more about me! (Because who wouldn’t want to!)

1. Jesus

He’s the most wonderful Person in the history of ever. Not only does He put up with me when I’m being a selfish, petulant baby, but He rescued me from my own selfishness and is going to marry me one day.

(In a spiritual sense, of course. It’s not weird…talk to Him about it!)

2. My family

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

The famous brother!

Well, a whole lot of things have to tie for second place. But I think the cake has to go to my parents and my kid brother.

(Just kidding! I eat the whole cake myself!)

While they’re far from perfect, I think my parents’ success can be boiled down to two basic parenting choices:

A—They boldly lived their Christian walks in front of us kids

…the times they doubted, the times they came up short, the times they didn’t have the answers. They communicated their love of Jesus – not only in their words – but in the actions and decisions they made every single day.

B—They took us along for the ride.

We were never excluded in a little box of “innocence,” and they never made us feel like the adult world was some boring place we didn’t belong. Whether visiting the OB floor where my mom worked…or sitting around with our church-friends talking heavy theology stuff…or going over math sheets together…or taking two weeks for an “American Government” field trip on the East Coast because homeschooling lets you do that!…we were always included, valued, “one of the guys,” and shown the “adult world” as a place we absolutely belonged.

And my brother…well, I could talk all day about this complicated and precious dynamic we have.

3. Dorothy Sayers

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Amazon

She had to come sooner or later.

If I were to list only one author whose work I would want with me on a desert island, it would be the lucid, intellectual, witty, and soul-searching novels of Dorothy L. Sayers.

She doesn’t just write mysteries…although they are such clever, twisty, and satisfying mysteries.

Each of her works is infused with a philosophical bite, a keen insight into human nature, glorious British banter, colorful flesh-and-blood characters…

I could go on, but I’ll just recommend my personal favorite: Unnatural Death.

4. One Punch Man

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: One Punch Man Wiki

Another tie for 2nd place, this anime blew my mind and skyrocketed to the top of All Things Amazing in my life.

Yeah, probably don’t show it to the kids (there’s sprinkled coarse language and borderline male nudity), but there’s so much else awesome here!

Genos! Saitama – a noble (though bored) hero with the Daddy-like power to crush any bad-guy! Crazy monsters, and truck-loads of professional heros. Genos! A snotty telepath chick who kicks Captain Marvel in power, attitude, and characterization. Simple plots with deep themes – oh, such themes! Heroism! Self-sacrifice! The harsh reality of mob mentality, attacking the very heroes who saved their lives! Genos!

Enough already. Just go read why Genos is totally adorable, then maybe find it on YouTube or your favorite streaming service (or even buy the DVD and a t-shirt to match!).

5. Baking

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Pixabay

When I was a kid, I always found baking frustrating because it took so much time and energy to produce something that…would be consumed and gone before you could turn around.

Now, it still takes time and energy…but I just need those chocolate cookies, man. Whatever method delivers my hit.

Oh! I’ve also figured out yeast-bread. For the longest time, breads with yeast were always frustrating because they took longer, you had to get your arms all flour-y with kneading them, and 90% of the time they wouldn’t even rise!

Now, though, I have a few secrets:

a) Use yeast that’s not old and kaput. b) Knead on the kitchen table (which is just the right hight to be comfortable for my arms). You still have to get flour all over your hands, but if you knead it long enough the dough goes all soft and squishy and elastic and it’s lovely. c) Arrange the dough beside and above a ROARING WOOD-STOVE to rise!

Now…well, my baked goods still seem to disappear shockingly quickly. But I’m having enough fun experimenting with the process that it’s not so terrible when I only get one or two rolls.

(ALTHOUGH I STILL WANT MORE THAN ONE ROLL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.)

6. My coworkers

I like my day job. I really do. Yes, it’s work, and yes, it’s makes me tired and frustrated…but that’s what adulting is about.

And part of what makes it all worth it is the great people I get to work with! They really are like family 🙂

7. YouTubers: Lindsey Ellis, Filmento, Overly Sarcastic Productions, Literature Devil, The Closer Look

I watch way too much YouTube. One of the reasons I’m always baking (or washing dishes) is it gives me an excuse to watch.

My pattern over the past year or so is: I find a video I like (usually on story theory, movies, or human nature) and then I go obsessively watch the creator’s entire back-list.

I forced myself to narrow it down to just my absolute favorites. Go check them out…maybe you’ll discover some new content you love!

(And one of these days I absolutely need to put something in their Patreon tip jar, ’cause – come on! – I want them to keep eating and keep making content!)

Overly Sarcastic Productions—My favorite of their videos is their series “Trope Talk” on various commonly repeated story elements/tools/building blocks, like this video on Paragon Characters (language caution for this one)—official site

—Literature Devil—His series of videos on “Is #ComicsGate Wrong?” asks the question: “Should comics focus primarily on Telling Stories, or on Politics and Social Issues?” Entertaining and thought-provoking!—official site

—Lindsey Ellis—I first found her channel through her ruthless critique of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast remake. She may be a woke lib chick from California, but even when we don’t agree I still find her arguments interesting and thought-provoking (LANGUAGE cautions, though!)—her channel homepage

—Filmento—This guy has an adorable little accent – I mean, also he analyzes movies from a story-telling and craft perspective…like this video where he explains why Captain America: Winter Soldier is amazing (language caution)! He’s also good because, when he critiques a movie, he gives suggestions for how it could be done better – like in this video for how the Men in Black reboot could have been stronger!—his Patreon

—The Closer Look—I first found this guy because of his video on how pushing a political viewpoint in a story alienates your audience…though I also like his video that discusses the unique immersion opportunities video games have versus other forms of media—his channel homepage

8. Wadjet Eye Games

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Gemini Rue

Maybe should have gone higher on the list but I refuse to overthink this.

This outfit consistently puts out amazing, high-quality point-and-click games.

The puzzles are intuitive (most of the time) and make you feel clever.

The stories and powerful, emotional, and feature jaw-dropping twists.

The voice work is top-notch, the music is addictive, and the graphics range from retro low-res to beautifully evocative.

How much do I love them? I finally bought one of their games NOT ON SALE! (Okay, it was a Christmas present from my brother, same difference.)

If you are in any way interested in point-and-click indie games, then checkoutmyreviews, and then give them your money so they can keep doing this!

9. Visiting nursing homes

It’s…strangely fulfilling and addictive. Of course, I haven’t gone to see my little friends for at least a month…but I’m still praying for them, and can’t wait to get back at it!

You, too, can visit nursing homes and brighten someone’s day!

10. Pretty yarn

My work-place has started carrying these super cute skeins that have multi-color swirls of different colors, and they look so adorable all wrapped up (and feel so soft and fun when you touch them) that I’d have a hard time actually using any of them.

But they’re still super adorable.

11. Columbo and Mission: Impossible

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: marketwatch.com

Tied for 5th place (don’t try to make the math come out…I’m not) are two amazing TV shows.

Columbo is a knuckle-biting (and sometimes humorous) murder mystery starring the smartest, frumpiest police lieutenant to ever be perpetually underestimated.

Mission: Impossible is packed with suspense, intrigue, slow-burn plots, keep-you-guessing double-agents – all held together with amazing teamwork!

If all you know of M:I is the movies…you’re missing out and you need to see the TV show!

12. My Hero Academia

My brother and I only recently cracked into this show over quarantine…and, well, I guess it lives up to the hype.

I know I put it after Columbo and M:I, but it might actually be my #2 favorite show. (It’s way better than Avatar: The Last Airbender YES I SAID IT.)

I really need to write a full review. Suffice to say that it handles a large cast expertly, builds slow-burn friendships and character arcs deliciously, offers pay-offs on things you didn’t even know they were setting up…all while exploring the explosive concept of a super-human society with creativity, humor, and plenty of action.

Perfect? No. But 100% worth $5 for a month of streaming from whatever service you can find it on. (And maybe when they finally come out with full-season or multi-season DVDs we can get those, too.)

13. Buckeyes

For those not in the Midwest, these are basically half-and-half frosting and peanut butter – rolled into balls and coated in chocolate. (Although they also work just plastered on a cookie sheet and chopped into slices.)

Chocolate and peanut butter. The only downside is the calorie price-tag.

14. Our dog and cats

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia WoodTied for 5th place (just give up…I have) is our dog (Border collie mix) and cats (our current ones are all-black American short-hairs).

My family never owned a dog until we moved to the country when I was…well, over 20 – and now I don’t know what we did without him!

Wag wag SO FLUFFY wag snuffle *stroke ears*

15. Knitting

I’ve been trying to rotate lately, to cut down on hand pain (really hoping this isn’t early-onset carpel tunnel), but I love knitting.

Probably especially since I can do it while doing something else (reading, watching a movie, talking with people) and feel like I’m being productive (or “extra productive”).

I’ve been knitting since age 12, and have made countless hats, scarfs, afghans, sweaters, shawls, doll clothes –

My bad. The doll clothes I’m thinking of were crocheted.

I also do cross-stitch, am getting into sewing, and have done embroidery in the past.

I probably like knitting the best, but it depends on the situation. (And I’m constantly having to talk myself out of picking up a new project.)

16. Research

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Mike Popovich on Unsplash

Part of the fun of being an author is researching stories!

Back when I was writing Sons of the King, I lived to hunt through all the obscure websites about castles, swords, poison, and other info about pre-Conquest Great Britain.

Hayes and Hayes, of course, required me to learn A LOT about the Drug Enforcement Administration, gangs, and meth. (Reminds me of a funny story from Sociology class…also I wrote a Statistics paper about meth-rehab clinical studies!)

And of course, White Mesa Chronicles let me dive head-first into societal collapse…what urban environments might look like after 50 years of neglect…home-steading…prepper culture…how you could rebuild Western civilization with a 3D-printer in your basement (ahem – you really can’t, but having 50 other families with 3D-printers in your neighborhood is a good start)…parasite epidemiology…I lose track.

Ooh! And if you grab my latest release (Transmutation of Shadow, publishing TODAY!), you’ll find out why I researched jails; the CIA headquarters at Langley, PN; the strength tolerances of bullet-proof glass; when Dunkin’ Donuts opens; and other cool stuff like that!

(It’s so much fun sometimes you don’t write the actual book…*cough cough*!)

17. Fire escapes and sewer grates

That reminds me. I have an unnatural attraction to fire escapes.

Not like I want to do parkour or anything… Maybe it’s just the draw of the forbidden.

Like those “Staff only” and “No entry” doors, and the little packets at stores that say “Silica gel Do not eat Throw away.”

What would happen if you ate one?

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: es.Valve.wiki.com

As for the sewer grates, I’m pretty sure that’s 85% to 90% of me worried a head-crab is going to appear at any moment.

18. Halo and Half-life 2

How could I call this a “list of things I like” and totally forget two of the greatest games to ever grace the digital world?!

While I have written about how, in some ways, Halo is superior to Half-life 2…they both played huge, HUGE roles in my development – mental, emotional, and creative – and I will always owe them a great debt.

(Honestly, though, the Master-chief beats Gordon Freeman. Totally.)

19. Steve Taylor

My favorite singer/songwriter ever.

My family teases me that you can’t understand a word he says…but if you take the time to dive into the lyric sheets, you’ll find words that cut deep to the soul of humanity – and then stake that soul out to roast on the solid rock of Biblical Theology.

He’s also sarcastic, which is delightful.

20. Kristen Lamb

This Texan lady is a blogger on story structure, author business, marketing, the publishing industry, inter-personal social dynamics…

She’s so very different from me. She’s aggressive. She’s a go-getter. She calls it like she sees it, and doesn’t care what extra characters (@#%&) she uses in her posts.

She’s also remarkably right about a lot of things…and I find her call-to-arms inspiring.

My favorite post is probably this one, talking about how content providers (authors, singers, artists, performers) actually do deserve compensation for the services they offer.

Check her out! Maybe even buy her books (or check out her tip jar if you really like her stuff).

21. Magnolia flowers

Every spring, the tree in the front yard blooms, and my heart sings.

22. also Tulips and Daffodils

Everybody talks about how wonderful roses are, but tulips are gorgeous and amazing and come in so many different colors and have such a pleasing shape! (Also our property is coated with rose bushes that are all thorns and will grab you at the most unexpected times but I digress.)

23. Marvel movies

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: BrianOverland.com

My favorites are Thor: Ragnarok and Captain America: The Winter Soldier!

My mom’s favorite is Avengers: Age of Ultron because of the scene on Hawkeye’s farm. She could probably just watch that scene over and over and be happy 🙂

24. RWBY soundtrack

I think I might like the music more than the show itself, even! As I said in my review, it’s like cinematic orchestral smashed with rock with a smattering of ballad…and also jam packed with clever words and emotion.

(Note to self: buy the CDs one day in case YouTube is down…)

25. Cleaning things

Sounds weird, I know. I think the fun comes from the visual progress of seeing dirt and grime peeling away and being magically replaced with clean surfaces.

(I also have a perfectionist streak, so whenever I start cleaning something, I get wrapped up in doing it all.)

26. Our D&D campaign

My dad and brother have gotten more “into it” than I have (which is strange, since re-launching our campaign was kinda my idea), but it grows on you. (Maybe dying has a way of increasing emotional investment?)

It has taken over my blog in some ways. Or rather, it’s kept the blog alive during some dry creative patches!

Go ahead – check out the Ranger Journal (at “Season 1: the Cult of the Reptile God,” “Season 2: the Village of Homlette,” or the in-progress “Season 3: the Temple of Elemental Evil“).

When it’s less about rolling dice – and more about creating a story as friends – it’s more fun!My 27 Happy Birthday Things — Kimia Wood

27. Blogging

Tied for #10, I love my blog.

Though I started it to promote my author career, I have fun jabbering about whatever I care about, formatting it prettily, then PUBLISHING it for all the world to see!

It gives me a place to process things I want to think about, and encourages me to articulate it in a way that makes sense to other people.

So…look around, make yourself at home – and maybe find something that entertains you and makes you think!


My 27 Happy Birthday Things — Kimia WoodKimia Wood turns 27 today!

She was born in what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo, and currently lives with her family somewhere in the American Midwest. She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

If you like lovable characters, gripping action, siblings who would die for each other, mysteries, questions, emotional adventures, and asking “what if?”…then you will enjoy any of her books!

Her latest novel just PUBLISHED TODAY, and features a lovable “Jason Bourne Jedi” – who works as a government assassin – finding out some of his targets weren’t on the approved list! Give me a birthday present and grab yourself a copy 😉 😀My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Listen, Kid…(What Do You Say Next?)

Listen, Kid…(What Do You Say Next?) — Kimia Wood

CHOOSE YOUR PATH! Photo by Oliver Roos on Unsplash

So once upon a time an older person met a younger person. They didn’t know each other very well, but were connected through socio-cultural similarities.

Wanting to encourage the younger person, the older person chose to give advice about their potential life choices.

See if these words sound familiar…

You’re interested in writing? You should go to a four-year college and get a Master of Fine Arts degree! That will let you make money as an author.

You did very well with your three lines in the church play! Maybe you should go to a four-year acting college, move to California sight-unseen, and get a job in the movies!

You enjoyed high school math and economics? Invest in that! Go to this website and check out internships in your field, then look into advancing your education and getting into clerical/economic positions!

Do you notice anything…off?

Naturally, there’s a lot of good here: the older person is trying to affirm the younger person…to notice their interests and passions…to give them positive feedback…and encourage them to better themselves.

The older person wishes only the best for the younger person. They seize on what little data they can find, and build on that…with nothing but the best intentions.

And yet…

What god do these people worship?

Take a close look at the quotes. There’s not a lot to go on, is there? There’s mention of a “church play”…but what else in the scene places these two characters?

They might be meeting at a Lions Club. They might be distant relatives at a family reunion. Perhaps they’re total strangers interacting briefly in a store.

Look again at what the older person said. Based only on their words, who (or what) do they consider the most important thing in the world worship?

Short Aside—What Is A God?

If you’ve ever read the Bible, you know that “idols” are things people worship apart from God, and it makes Him very angry.

Because, if we’re Christians, we’re “married” to God…but every time we put something else in His place, that’s like having an affair with the idol.

That’s what He literally says through his prophets Jeremiah and Ezekiel.

(Anyone else feeling dirty right now?)

My dad defines a “god” as this—

A god is something we go to when we want to get things done…or something whose claims on us we acknowledge.

Examples?

Money is an easy target. It’s even mentioned in the Bible. Money is a very generous god…it gives us anything we could desire.

But in exchange, it demands our soul.

Power and sex are other “gods” we go to for getting what we want.

Sports is a harsh authoritarian, demanding our Sunday mornings, our school nights, and our time with family. It can be hard to deny Sports the things it demands.

Pride? Pride is a god worshiped by many (including me – that’s why Jesus needs to change my heart). I want other people to praise me, to acknowledge me, and to speak great things of me. Because (get this) it’s all focused on ME…not God.

And in exchange, Pride rots my heart from the inside out.

Back to Our Fairytale…Who Gets My Life?

An older person spots a younger person…just starting out, an image of what they themselves once were, with a chance to do anything and be anything this world offers.

This older person wants to advise the younger person…to give them a hint about the direction they should take…to encourage them to put their youthful energies and resources into something meaningful.

So the older person says:

[…what would you say?…]

[…what is the most important thing?…]

[…what one thing would you point to, that you wish every whipper-snapper in your life would devote themselves whole-heartedly to?…]

There’s no guarantee they’ll listen. They’re young…they probably won’t.

But what is so critical, so vital, that you’ll use your one interaction with this incarnation of Past You to impart?

Think about it. Your answer will say a lot about where your heart is…


Listen, Kid…(What Do You Say Next?) — Kimia WoodKimia Wood lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family…including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

Subscribe to her mailing list before society collapses and the web goes dark! You’ll get a FREE copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier…plus periodic updates on her latest reading and writing adventures.

Best Articles You Shouldn’t Miss

I love Twitter for all the cool articles I can find and share there. So I dug back through my feed for the best articles, posts, and videos I found and shared this past year!

Whether you’re an author, a blogger, or just a Christian who likes thinking deeply about things, here are some cool (and/or important) pieces for you to enjoy!

Writing and Story DevelopmentBest Articles You Shouldn't Miss — Kimia Wood

This year I fell down the deep, dark hole of “writer YouTube”…Here are some of the amazing (and addicting) videos I found:

Former CIA Chief of Disguise Breaks Down 30 Spy Scenes From Film & TV

via WIRED

I found this video while researching my spy/suspense/action story Transmutation of Shadow, and it’s so cool!

Trope Talk: Robots

via Overly Sarcastic Productions

Red does a great job recognizing that humans and computers have totally different ways of thinking…and she also breaks down the good, the evil, the friendly, and the realistic of writing robots in fiction.

Rey and the Sad Devolution of the Female Character

via Thor Skywalker

We don’t hate female characters…we hate poorly done characters that serve a meta agenda, rather than feeling like genuine people within the story world.

Watch the video to see for yourself!

(Also check out this video – by Literature Devil – about “Mary Sue” characters…what they are, why people dislike them, and how they relate to the issue of “Social Justice Warriors”.)

A Few Words from Roger Zelazny

via on Tor.com

Roger Zelazny wrote the Chronicles of Amber, which inspired my dad as a young writer…and became a surprise favorite with me when I read it. This interview with him gives insight into his writing process, his opinion of fantasy vs. science fiction, and on writing complex characters.

It’s not a video…so read it at your leisure.

Action Choreography for Novels

via Felix the Fox Mysteries

Action plays a big role in my White Mesa Chronicles (especially Gladiator…guess why) and in Transmutation of Shadow. Thus it’s important to get the physics right!

This post (also not a video) will help you think about those pesky problems of what’s actually, physically possible in your story!

Also check out his post on making pre-modern (and fantasy) battles more realistic in terms of equipment, technique, and strategy. Remember: everything happens in context!

The Elevator Pitch

via Christa MacDonald on Christian Shelf-Esteem

If you’ve been in the “author” circle for long, you’ve heard you need an “elevator pitch”…a short, pithy expression of your book(s) that would fit into the space of an elevator ride, but make whoever’s listening want to hear more.

Christa MacDonald found she was making assumptions about what the people she was talking to would be interested in, and defending her work before anyone had raised any objections.

Read her post to see how she decided to let go of this fear rooted in pride, and share her stories at face value.

Worldview

Best Articles You Shouldn't Miss — Kimia Wood

Photo by Oliver Roos on Unsplash

How we think about the world is crucial…and our different perspectives form a central part of who we are.

Each of these articles (or videos) explores a different element of our lives and challenges us to think about morality, culture, art, ourselves, and/or God in a different light.

Enriching Lives – What Mass Effect 2 Teaches Us about Morality

via Extra Credits

Extra Credits create entertaining, thought-provoking videos about video games…how to make them well, how to tell meaningful stories through them, what they can mean for the broader culture, etc.

This one talks about how video games can force us to examine our own moral beliefs!

Artistic Originality: Is It Dead—or Was it Merely a Fallacy to Begin With?

via Sean P. Carlin

In our cultural climate of reboots, sequels, prequels, reboot-sequels…Mr. Carlin has asked the question, “What is artistic originality anyway?”

Can we ever truly be free of our creative influences, and make “original” art?

Read his article to find out!

Also check out his article about his childhood of urban exploration in New York City, and how our shifting culture of security-consciousness makes that impossible for kids of the modern day. We’ve lost something…is it worth the price of “safety” to give up?

Read his piece and decide for yourself!

How Virtual Horse Armor Paved the Way for Micro-Transactions

via Cheddar

Micro-transactions are all over the place in free-to-play games…sort of like YouTube has started shoving ads in my face every time I want to load a video.

This video (on YouTube…ahem) talks about how it started…and why micro-transactions that affect game-play make players more unhappy than things that affect aesthetics.

How Our Addiction to FREE is Poisoning the Internet and Killing the Creatives

via Kristen Lamb

This post was so interesting, I even wrote my own follow-up piece.

Basically: we all love free stuff. Getting free stuff, that is. But nothing is free…someone has to give it. And as authors give away more free stuff (books, songs, etc.) the more audiences expect free stuff, and the worse the whole problem gets.

Just go read her full post – then read my post about living generously!

(Also read her post about the flood of new books that self-publishing has created, and some strategies that we as an industry could use to find the “good fish” amidst the tsunami. Basically, go check out her blog in general.)

My Son Was Addicted to a Smartphone

via Sabrina McDonald on Family Life

Yes, smartphone addiction is a thing, and yes, you can confront it. In fact, before drugging your kid up for ADHD, look into culling his screen time! It might be the trick you need.

YouTube: Manufacturing Authenticity (For Fun and Profit!)

via Lindsey Ellis

Having become, ahem, slightly addicted to YouTube this year, I naturally found channels/content providers that I liked and looked up all their videos.

However, as an author and blogger, I also have a feeling for the other side (people all over the world aren’t watching my face, but they can look up my words at any time).

When the wall between “media celebrity” and audience comes down…when your favorite YouTuber or author “gets real” and shares personal things…what does that do to them? What does it do to us? What are the “moral hazards” of this “authentic celebrity” culture?

If you’re not sure exactly what I mean, just watch the video! It’s thought-provoking! (Language cautions, though.)

Christian Fiction Guidelines

via Chad Pettit

Did you know that some “Christian” readers have very specific guide-lines for what they consider to be “Christian” fiction? And that they’ll rake authors over the internet coals if they break these rules?

Perhaps we should go back to the BIBLE for a consideration of what we should be reading/writing in our fiction…and maybe we can extend some Christian kindness to our brothers and sisters.

This post is a plea for just that. Read it yourself!

A Tale of Two Worldviews

via Scott Allen at WORLD Magazine

Ta-Nehisi Coates versus Martin Luther King, Jr. — two African-American thought leaders with very different approaches to the race issue. Justice and reconciliation will only come from a Jesus-centered worldview.

MarketingBest Articles You Shouldn't Miss — Kimia Wood

We authors are always looking for ways to better get books into readers’ hands. Here are some of the useful posts I’ve found on marketing:

How To Improve Your Amazon Book Descriptions

via Jane Friedman

How do you describe your book so that someone else will want to buy it? Making the text easy to skim, and starting with a grabby line, are just a couple of the suggestions you’ll find here!

How to Improve Your Email Newsletters Right Now

via Bad Redhead Media

Email newsletters are one of those things that are so important, yet so mystifying. These tips and tricks will help you look like a pro to your fans! (Hint: STOP USING G-MAIL ALREADY.)

How to Write for a Blog: 10 Tips for Writing Strong Web Content

via Anne R. Allen

Writing a blog post is different than writing a term paper. Here are some easily digestible, understandable tips to help anyone write a better blog!

Blogger + Author Interaction Etiquette Survey Responses: Answers from the Book Bloggers’ Perspectives (2019)

via Vicky Who Reads

200+ bloggers were surveyed (anonymously) about how they want authors to interact with them. I found some of the answers very interesting, and it’s worth it to check out someone else’s perspective.

The Eternally Clickable Headlines of Buffer (And How to Write and Find Your Own)

via Buffer

Blog post headlines are mysterious, but very important. Here’s some advice that is readable and digestible to make your blog headlines even better!

Six Reasons Nobody Reads Your Blog and How to Fix It

via Mixtus Media

You say you could never write a blog? That it’s too complicated, or too hard?

These six tips might just give you the tools and the steps you need to become a blogger (or to take your blog to a more professional level)!

Hope you enjoyed these posts!

Be sure to share the posts you liked best with your friends, and support the authors!

What did you enjoy learning this past year? What were your favorite things to read? Give us your suggestions!


Best Articles You Shouldn't Miss — Kimia WoodKimia Wood lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family – including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

She’s currently bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier! You’ll also receive periodic updates on her latest reading and writing adventures.

“Talk to the Hand” by Lynne Truss

Talk to the hand, ’cause the face ain’t listening!

How rude!

Well, you know what you can effing do!

Is everyone around you shockingly rude? Do you find yourself dissed by shop clerks?…given the run-around by customer service phone trees?…pelted with garbage by faceless, uncaring litterers?

Lynne Truss’ Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door will comfort you that at least you’re not the only one exasperated…and perhaps challenge you that there is something we can do about it. Continue reading

Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver

Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver

NOTE: This post is something of a departure from my usual tone, as it will be more dry and academic than I usually write. This is because it’s a subject I have strong emotions about, and in an attempt to avoid breathing fire on my keyboard, I’ve squeezed a lot of my normal humor out of it.

But it’s still an important piece about a vital subject, so please take the time to read it and form your own opinions. I promise I only froth at the mouth a tiny bit.

What if we’ve been wrong about preschool this whole time?Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver — Kimia Wood

Lots of people see “preschool” and they think “good.” We all want our kids to learn, right? We want them to have the best chance to succeed, right? And wouldn’t starting them in an institutional learning system as early as possible be the best way to do this?

No.

There’s also the question of whether this is the best way to honor God with our children. We want them to “achieve their full potential” and get good jobs, etc., but if we don’t make honoring God our chief focus (and make sure our kids know as much as we can teach them about Jesus) then we’re not living our Christian witness to the best of our ability.

But I’ll save that for a different post. For now, I’ll focus on the benefits preschool promises: academics, adult interaction, and affirmative action.

Let’s dive into this topic and try to figure out what we’re hoping to get out of preschool and whether it really delivers (or not)!

Academic Achievement

We all want Little Johnny to learn “reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic”. After all, “whatever you do, do it as though you were working to the Lord.” We want our kids to be able to support themselves, contribute to their communities, and enrich the lives of others…to say nothing of living full lives themselves and using the intellectual gifts God has given them.

It all starts with a “good education,” right?

And preschool is one of the best ways to give kids that, right?

No.

Where child development is concerned, there are very few absolutes…but the evidence is coming in stronger and stronger that preschool – especially an academically-focused preschool – does not give kids an “edge” to learning…and in fact might hurt them.

Academics over Learning

There’s been a lot of emphasis lately on pushing kids to achieve higher standards at earlier ages. The Atlantic tells us how kids who used to be expected to read by the end of first grade are now expected to read by the end of preschool. Maybe I’m doing the math wrong, but isn’t that a two-year advance?

Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver — Kimia Wood

How can we help our children thrive? Image from Pixabay

A recent article in the newsletter from the Home School Legal Defense Association cites several researchers and testimonies from parents that children grow and develop at different ages. For instance, “children who had learned to read in kindergarten had no substantial advantage over those who learned to read in the 1st grade.”

Kids have different development rates, and that’s okay. Trying to force them into a one-size-fits-all system is a terrible way to let them flourish.

Parents testify to children as old as seven and eight years old who would not have done well in a traditional, sit-down-shut-up learning environment. Forcing these children to attend a rigorous preschool at four or five years old would not have helped them with “school preparedness”…it would have destroyed them. They needed a kinetic, hands-on learning environment tailored to their particular interests (an environment that their parents did provide for them).

The article also references increased diagnoses of Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder (ADHD), or similar disorders on the spectrum, when kids who aren’t developmentally ready for school are expected to conform to the school environment. Do these kids really have a learning disability? Or are they just being asked to perform above where their brain and body have developed to?

Long-term consequences?

There’s more. According to Psychology Today, an intense focus on academic attainment (learning reading, writing, and math through worksheets and instruction) in preschool almost doubles a child’s chance of a felony record. (Presumably because the early pressure and behavioral expectations led to them acting out more in school, and elsewhere…although it’s impossible to finger causality in cases like this.)

Contrast this with “play-based” preschools where children are encouraged to play, interact with others, and explore on their own…sort of like what they would do in a natural home setting, perhaps in conjunction with play-dates.

EdLibertyWatch.org collects quotes from several different papers, including this study from the National Bureau of Economic Research: “…researchers concluded that preschool has a positive impact on reading and mathematics scores in the short term and a negative effect on behavior.”

Further, the National Conference of State Legislatures (NCSL) reports that a 2015 study found that “while children coming from ECE [early childhood education] programs earned higher achievement scores in kindergarten, these students did not test higher than their non-ECE attending peers by first grade, and tested below their peers by the third grade.”

Which is more important?

A slight, temporary rise in test scores in exchange for increased behavior issues, and even more ADHD diagnoses? Wait – should this even be a trade-off at all?

The homeschooling examples prove we can suit our education models to each child’s learning needs. Maybe we shouldn’t throw the “preschool” baby out with the bathwater…but it’s high time we stopped taking it for granted that the earlier we got our kids into preschool, the higher their college entrance scores would be.

The spiritual dimension: anti-Biblical curriculum

Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver — Kimia Wood

Image from Unsplash

I know I said I’d leave this for later, but I came across a quote during my research that just stunned me:

What is gender identity? Why should it to be taught to three and four year old children? How [will it] close the achievement gap for poor and minority children?…

The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAYEC), whose accreditation results in both more Minnesota state funding for childcare programs and gains a higher rating in the Parent Aware quality rating system, promotes these types of “gender anatomy and gender identity” exercises in its curriculum.

(Education Liberty Watch, quoting from the National Association for the Education of Young Children)

Notice that both state money and professional validation are tied to accepting the NAYEC’s view on this moral issue. And homosexuality is only one example – the culture has a whole hat-full of issues to introduce to your kids.

If you thought preschool was all about “school readiness” and getting a jump-start on learning the alphabet, these secular educators have one up on you. Kids at these ages are sponges, ready to accept whatever the “people in charge” teach them.

And if your child’s preschool is teaching transgender issues with anatomically correct dolls, wouldn’t you want to know about it – and be involved in conversations with your child?

To defuse the part-to-whole objections:

No, I’m not saying every teacher in every school is out to make your preschooler gay. But think about the trend of the culture, the political pressures of “this present age”…and remember who God will hold accountable for the children He entrusted to you.

Adult Interaction

Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver — Kimia WoodWe want kids to grow up to be confident, competent, fully-functioning adults. Kids are great at learning by imitating (just wait until they start repeating that one word you wish you hadn’t said).

So the best way for them to learn how to be adults is…by putting them around adults.

More specifically, there’s plenty of research that what children at the preschool ages need is not math worksheets and vocabulary tests, but stable, lasting relationships. They will have plenty of time to grasp the more cerebral concepts if their emotional, psychological, and spiritual health is firmly grounded in relationships with trustworthy adults.

As Morningstar Education Network’s research adviser, Denise Kanter, says: “Young children need to be at home bonding with their mothers and fathers.”

KindredMedia.org collects several reports that speak to this:

[A]ccording to Martha E. Mock, assistant professor at the University of Rochester Warner School of Education[,] “Young children learn best through meaningful interaction with real materials and caring adults and their peers, not through the drilling of isolated skills,” … Kids from play-based programs usually catch up academically, while kids from academic backgrounds may never catch up socially. — Education.com

…the years from birth to age 5 are viewed as a critical period for developing the foundations for thinking, behaving, and emotional well-being. Child development experts indicate it is during these years that children develop linguistic, cognitive, social, emotional, and regulatory skills that predict their later functioning in many domains. — Early Childhood Education: The Long-Term Benefits (PDF, first page)

But won’t my child miss out on socialization if he doesn’t go to preschool?

If you do the necessary socializing and relationship-building that parenthood involves, your child won’t suffer from missing out on preschool. Just because a good preschool is superior to plopping kids in front of the TV and ignoring them, though, doesn’t mean it should be our go-to method of child-rearing. (See below!)

The Atlantic article cited above explains that organic, child-driven learning (coached by engaged adults) is more interactive – and more educational – than the traditional “butt-in-seat” classroom model. This is where a teacher (or parent) uses a child’s natural curiosity to let them explore the world and ask questions (yes, millions of questions) and let them learn through the natural give-and-take of human conversation…instead of a list of facts they will be tested on later.

Focus on the Family insists that preschool should enhance the parents’ relationship with their child, not hinder it — nor simply be a way to get a “leg up” on those other kids! After all, trying to “keep up with the Joneses” isn’t very neighborly, is it?

The spiritual dimension

We should be especially concerned about this as Christians. Rod Dreher in his book The Benedict Option – which is all about cultivating a deliberate, passionate Christianity that informs every aspect of our daily lives – talks about how the model of “education” has changed over the past century. Instead of learning about the natural world and human history as a way to understand God better, and as a way to provide context for the divine order of the universe, modern schools are focused on retaining facts and applying them to work skills.

“Every educational model presupposes an anthropology: an idea of what a human being is. In general, the mainstream model is geared toward equipping students to succeed in the workforce, to provide a pleasant, secure life for themselves and their future families…and to fulfill their personal goals—whatever those goals might be.” (pg. 147)

Christian education, in contrast, should focus on “join[ing] ourselves to Christ and striv[ing] to live in harmony with the divine will” – from the time we wake up and have breakfast, to when we’re walking past the weird stranger on the street, to when we say our prayers at night.

As Christians, we need to teach our children that God is an important part of every single facet of our lives…that He is not somehow unrelated to physics, or social studies, or English spelling.

Tend your own personal orchid

Remember how every single child is unique, and develops at his or her own rate? Just because your child is seven years old and can’t spell doesn’t mean he (or you) is a failure. It means he needs someone caring and invested to give him the help he needs to learn in the best way for him (like getting up and moving during spelling tests, instead of glued to a desk with a pencil in his hand).

My mom used to have me write short stories with the words I missed on spelling tests…and now I can spell “snake” and “rabbit” just like any other well-adjusted twenty-something! (And, well, check out my “Books” tab to see what encouraging my story-telling got us!)

Kicking your orchids out of the hot-house make them shrivel…

Going back to that wealth of materials collected by EdLibertyWatch.org, the National Institutes of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD – 2007) say:

The more time a child spent in center-based care the more likely he or she was to be described by sixth grade teachers as one who “gets in many fights,” is “disobedient at school,” and “argues a lot.”

Children need a stable home life to help them develop emotionally and behaviorally – and that maturity will only improve their academic endeavors later on. In fact, to quote the rest of the excerpt on the NICHD study:

…NICHD tracked 1,364 children who had participated in early childhood education. Preschool participants were more likely to score higher on factors of aggression and disobedience as reported by their teachers. This finding was true even for children who attended high quality center-based care.

Remember: who are the two adults children will interact with for the greatest part of their growing-up? Their parents. Even if they go to institutional school and learn from different teachers every single year, they need a strong relationship with their parents to anchor them throughout their childhoods and beyond.

Children are more than a statistic…and when it comes to their lives, we need to be concerned about more than what the “experts” say, “what we’ve always done,” or what supposedly “works” to get the outcome we want.

This isn’t about outcomes. It’s about doing what God says. Right?

Teach a man to fish…

My parents have always affirmed that teaching their children how to study is one of the most important things they could do.

Children who develop emotional, psychological, and cognitive maturity will be self-motivated to study…and if they haven’t had their love of learning “snuffed out” by over-exposure, they will drive their own educational journey through grade school, high school, college, and beyond into adult life. (You knew we don’t stop learning once we get a job and don’t have a designated “teacher,” right?)

Assisting the Disadvantaged

Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver — Kimia Wood

I don’t have a picture of an impoverished child, so enjoy this cute dog instead.

A lot of voices in favor of preschool emphasize “closing the gap” between the “disadvantaged,” poor children and those with a better home life. A noble goal, and one in line with God’s own plan for us (check out James 1:27 and Mark 12:29-31).

The orphan (or in some places “fatherless”) is already late to the starting line, before the race even starts. That’s no fault of theirs, and God cares deeply about giving justice to the oppressed and helpless (just read, like, all of the Psalms).

However… While it’s good to feel for children who are growing up with only one parent, who suffer lack of opportunity due to poverty, etc. – none of that explains how the preschool system is superior to the natural, historic, and God-given system of two dedicated parents raising and educating their own biological children themselves.

And our concern for disadvantaged kids should in no way interfere with the raising of those kids who are blessed with a committed mom and dad.

But what about those poor kids who don’t have the same chances other children do?

Maybe they’re living in a single parent home, or their family doesn’t have the financial resources for books, etc. Maybe they really do have ADHD, autism, blindness, or some other physical barrier to learning the way other kids do. Do early childhood education programs help them succeed better – both now and later in life?

The Psychology Today article referenced above shared the results of a study among “sixty eight high-poverty children living in Ypsilanti, Michigan”. This study was largely to examine the effects on these children of a “Direct Instruction” preschool classroom (that focused on academic attainment) versus a “Traditional” preschool (which emphasized play). To quote:

[T]he experiment also included a home visit every two weeks, aimed at instructing parents in how to help their children. …

The initial results of this experiment were similar to those of other such studies. Those in the direct-instruction group showed early academic gains, which soon vanished. This study, however, also included follow-up research when the participants were 15 years old and again when they were 23 years old. At these ages there were no significant differences among the groups in academic achievement, but large, significant differences in social and emotional characteristics.

That’s right. “No significant differences in academic achievement“!

This is the same pattern we saw in the other studies. The writers suggest that the children in the so-called “play-based” preschools learned to “plan their own activities, to play with others, and to negotiate differences” – skills which served them not only in the later grades, but beyond into adulthood. (“Teach a man to fish…”)

The article writers also theorize that the home visits encouraged the children’s parents to reinforce these teaching styles. The Traditional “play-based” preschools encouraged the parents to let their children interact with the world creatively. The Direct Instruction preschools were focused on test scores and other “academic” markers of “personal achievement” – and this focus on “personal achievement” could have encouraged these children in the selfish attitudes that led to their generally more anti-social behavior.

Without being simple pragmatists, let’s look at the fruit.

The Bible tells us we can evaluate teachers by their fruit…or in other words, we can pick up hints about whether to listen to them by watching their actions (Matt. 7:15-20).

What is the outcome of preschool for disadvantaged children?

Obviously in some cases the outcome was…not too good. Early pressure to achieve, plus a focus on personal performance, encouraged anti-social behavior in some of these individuals. We might go even farther, and say that denying them a carefree childhood, and the opportunity to learn at their own pace, hampered their emotional and social growth.

So we see that even for disadvantaged children, the best outcome is the one that mimics a traditional, Biblical upbringing centered in the home of their biological parents.

But, post writer, what about all the terrible parents who will just stick their kids in front of the TV and who have no idea how to parent –

Statistically speaking, children with “bad” parents will have poor outcomes, no matter what school system you devise for them. The students discussed in Psychology Today had professionals visiting them at home to advise their parents how to support the teaching curriculum of their preschool – and the results still weren’t stellar.

The point is not that we should “give up” on these disadvantaged kids, but that we need to have our eyes firmly fixed on JESUS and to make sure we’re 1) trying to accomplish what He wants, and 2) going to Him for direction in how to do that.

Systemic Dysfunction

Preschools that drill facts and figures into little kids doesn’t help them. In fact, in the worst cases, it hurts their chances because they missed out on that crucial period of character development by worrying about head knowledge.

Children at these young ages should be sending down their roots and finding out what can be depended on…not raising their branches to test high on impersonal markers of “achievement.”

The preschools that did seem to succeed were the ones that allowed children to flourish at their own pace and ask questions naturally…in fact, the care centers that mimicked a nurturing home environment.

Further, as Christians, we understand that there are more important markers to success than grades or salaries. Give me ten children who respect their parents, treat those around them with kindness, and love their Creator over one “child” who makes six figures with his graduate degree and can’t keep his marriage together.

Institutional education is the cultural norm.

My grandparents have finally stopped asking when I’m going to get a college diploma (although they’re still not satisfied with my Associate’s Degree). The culture around us expects us to send our kids off on the bus as soon as they can walk, and our young adults off to college as soon as they’re old enough to join the army vote.

But is that the best way? Is that really how we’re going to accomplish our goals? Even if it was, the ends do not justify the means. (Otherwise, as my brother loves to shout, there is no justice, only means.)

Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver — Kimia Wood

Which is the “straight and narrow” way? Photo by Oliver Roos on Unsplash

God calls us to justice and righteousness. How can we strive for that in our everyday lives, and with our children?

Maybe in some other post, we’ll examine what God calls us to in our daily lives, and what that means for raising our kids. Until then, take a good, hard look at your own decisions.

I firmly believe the system of institutional education is broken – and that goes all the way down to preschool. Whether you agree with me, or think my mom dropped me on my head as a young’un, your kids are worth more than the default.

We need to get out of the rut of thinking “preschool” always equals “good.” Can it help? Sure – under certain circumstances and in certain situations.

But don’t do it because “everyone else is doing it.” Don’t do it because it’s expected of you, or because the grandparents want you to.

These are your kids we’re talking about – the kids God gave to you. Look at all the evidence, and decide if preschool will really help your kids to send down their roots, and thrive in God.


Preschool: Over-promise, Under-deliver — Kimia WoodKimia Wood was raised by an aspiring author, so spinning words and weaving plots is in her blood.

She currently lives somewhere in the American midwest, bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, gaming, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier! You’ll also receive periodic updates on her latest reading and writing projects.

10yo Girl Killed—God Proved Right

10yo Girl Killed—God Proved Right

This week something abominable happened in my own slice of the Midwest.

In a nutshell: A ten-year-old girl went missing. A four-day search by police and the community ended with the discovery of the girl’s body. Her step-mother has been accused of strangling her.

What’s our reaction? Continue reading