5 Miracle “Explanations” That God Knew About

5 Miracle “Explanations” That God Knew About

Ever noticed how people like to “explain away” miracles? I call them “just so” stories.

You know those “just so” stories…like the one about how the bear lost his long tail, or “why mosquitoes buzz in people’s ears,” or how the vulture poked his head through the night sky and burned it bald with the heat of the sun (and the hole he left is now the moon).

Silly little kids’ stories to “explain” why something is the way it is – which are often so much more complicated than the truth.

People like to come up with these “explanations” for the miracles in the Bible, too…but —

God knew about our explanations before we came up with them.

How do I know? Because, if you look at the Bible, you’ll often see details in the stories of the miracles that disprove whatever “just so” story the skeptics have come up with to “explain away” what God did.

Here are some examples to get you thinking. Those seminary professors may have nice stories, but if you actually read and believe what God said, even a child can tell that they’re just making up stories to sound good.

Turning the Nile to Blood

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Actually, it was ketchup. Image credit:

In Exodus 7, God ordered Moses to hit the Nile River with his staff and turn the water into blood.

The purpose of this was to convince Pharaoh that God was serious about wanting the Hebrew slaves set free…and also to punish the Egyptians for following false gods, show God’s strength to the Israelite people, etc.

Take a look:

And the LORD said to Moses, “Say to Aaron, ‘Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt, over their rivers, their canals, and their ponds, and all their pools of water, so that they may become blood, and there shall be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, even in vessels of wood and in vessels of stone.’”

Moses and Aaron did as the Lord commanded. In the sight of Pharaoh and in the sight of his servants he lifted up the staff and struck the water in the Nile, and all the water in the Nile turned into blood.

And the fish in the Nile died, and the Nile stank, so that the Egyptians could not drink water from the Nile. There was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.

But the magicians of Egypt did the same by their secret arts. So Pharaoh’s heart remained hardened, and he would not listen to them, as the LORD had said.

Pharaoh turned and went into his house, and he did not take even this to heart.

And all the Egyptians dug along the Nile for water to drink, for they could not drink the water of the Nile. (Ex. 7:19-24)

Some people don’t believe this really happened!

The “just-so story” I’ve heard about this is that red plankton flowed up from the Mediterranean Sea or something, and that’s why the Egyptians couldn’t drink the water.

But God put in details that contradict this theory:

Notice that not only the water in the river, but even the water in “vessels of wood and stone” (vs. 19) AKA the water-pitchers and stored water in people’s houses also turned to blood (according to God Himself!).

Then Egyptians dug wells, and God allowed them to get water.

Crossing the Red Sea

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: bible.ca

Exodus 14 gives us the account of the Hebrew people crossing the Red Sea. God had rained such brutal plagues on the Egyptians that they were eager to set the Israelites free…but then Pharaoh and his officials had a change of heart.

They caught up with the Israelites at the Red Sea:

The Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward.Lift up your staff, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it, that the people of Israel may go through the sea on dry ground.

And I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they shall go in after them, and I will get glory over Pharaoh and all his host, his chariots, and his horsemen. And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I have gotten glory over Pharaoh, his chariots, and his horsemen.”

Then the angel of God who was going before the host of Israel moved and went behind them, and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them, coming between the host of Egypt and the host of Israel. And there was the cloud and the darkness. And it lit up the night without one coming near the other all night.

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided.

And the people of Israel went into the midst of the sea on dry ground, the waters being a wall to them on their right hand and on their left.

The Egyptians pursued and went in after them into the midst of the sea, all Pharaoh’s horses, his chariots, and his horsemen.

And in the morning watch the LORD in the pillar of fire and of cloud looked down on the Egyptian forces and threw the Egyptian forces into a panic, clogging their chariot wheels so that they drove heavily. And the Egyptians said, “Let us flee from before Israel, for the LORD fights for them against the Egyptians.”

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand over the sea, that the water may come back upon the Egyptians, upon their chariots, and upon their horsemen.”

So Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the sea returned to its normal course when the morning appeared. And as the Egyptians fled into it, the LORD threw the Egyptians into the midst of the sea. The waters returned and covered the chariots and the horsemen; of all the host of Pharaoh that had followed them into the sea, not one of them remained.

But the people of Israel walked on dry ground through the sea, the waters being a wall to them on their right hand and on their left.

Thus the Lord saved Israel that day from the hand of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians dead on the seashore. (Ex. 14:15-30)

Does this really need explaining?

Well, some people think so. Some people will tell you that it happened to be low tide or something, and so the Israelites actually walked through shallow water.

God knows better.

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

I couldn’t choose so here’s another picture! Image credit: SeedsOfFaith.cph.org

God actually told us explicitly that the Hebrew people walked on “dry ground” – with a wall of water on either hand.

And when the Egyptian army chased them into the sea, God made their chariots stick in the mud, and buried them with the waters.

Yeah, I know I literally just repeated what God said…but who’s complaining?

If the Red Sea was only a couple feet deep…then why did God say “walls of water”? How were the Israelites able to cross on “dry land”?

And how on earth did the Egyptians all drown – so that their bodies washed up on the shores – if they could have just waded after the Hebrews and re-enslaved them?

God meant what He said…and if you believe what He said, you have to accept what He meant.

The Wine at Cana

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Joseph Martin Kronheim/Kean Collection/Getty Images via SCPR.org

This example comes from John 2:

On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples.

When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.”

And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.”

His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

Now there were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons.

Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.” And they filled them up to the brim.

And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.” So they took it.

When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.”

This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory. And his disciples believed in him. (vv. 1-11)

This “explanation” comes from Lloyd C. Douglas’ novel The Robe.

He suggests that the servants took water from vessels that used to hold wine (and so might have a residual taste) and then when everyone at the party tasted the wine, the magnetism of Jesus’ personality made them think it was really wine.

I call baloney-sauce!

Notice that our eyewitness account says the water came from “jars [used] for the Jewish rites of purification” — I don’t think they’d be storing wine in there at any time!

You’ll also notice that Jesus told the servants to take the wine in to the master of ceremonies…which implies (although it doesn’t explicitly say) that He Himself was in another room at the time.

The master of the feast didn’t know anything about where it came from – but thought it was the best wine he had ever tasted.

I doubt he would mistake water with a little lemon slice for real lemonade, regardless what scintillating conversation he was listening to.

Noah’s Flood

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: AnswersInGenesis.org

God judged the world by sending a great flood of water, so that only Noah, his family, and the animals they took with them on the preservation-craft were safe.

Some people insist that this was a “local” flood. But that is very silly on the face of it.

Check out Genesis 7:

In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, in the second month, on the seventeenth day of the month, on that day all the fountains of the great deep burst forth, and the windows of the heavens were opened. And rain fell upon the earth forty days and forty nights.

On the very same day Noah and his sons, Shem and Ham and Japheth, and Noah’s wife and the three wives of his sons with them entered the ark, they and every beast, according to its kind, and all the livestock according to their kinds, and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth, according to its kind, and every bird, according to its kind, every winged creature.

They went into the ark with Noah, two and two of all flesh in which there was the breath of life. And those that entered, male and female of all flesh, went in as God had commanded him. And the LORD shut him in.

The flood continued forty days on the earth. The waters increased and bore up the ark, and it rose high above the earth. The waters prevailed and increased greatly on the earth, and the ark floated on the face of the waters.

And the waters prevailed so mightily on the earth that all the high mountains under the whole heaven were covered. The waters prevailed above the mountains, covering them fifteen cubits deep.

And the waters prevailed on the earth 150 days. (vv. 11-20, 24)

Also Genesis 8:

Then Noah built an altar to the Lord and took some of every clean animal and some of every clean bird and offered burnt offerings on the altar.

And when the LORD smelled the pleasing aroma, the LORD said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done. While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.” (vv. 20-22)

We know this was a global flood…

…because it covered the tops of all the mountains – as evidenced by fossils of fish found on high mountain peaks!

Also, God promised He would never repeat this show. He would never “strike down every living creature as I have done.”

There have been plenty of local floods, but nothing approaching the world-wide devastation that Noah saw. Either the Bible is right…or God broke His promise.

You do believe what God says, right?

Feeding the Thousands

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Photo by Kate Remmer on Unsplash

We all know these stories, right?

The original accounts are in Matthew 14 and 15, Mark 6 and 8, Luke 9, and John 6.

For simplicity, let’s look at Mark:

And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late. Send [the crowd] away to go into the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”

But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” And they said to him, “Shall we go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?”

And he said to them, “How many loaves do you have? Go and see.”

And when they had found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.”

Then he commanded them all to sit down in groups on the green grass. So they sat down in groups, by hundreds and by fifties. And taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all.

And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish.

And those who ate the loaves were five thousand men. (Mark 6:35-44)

And again:

In those days, when again a great crowd had gathered, and they had nothing to eat, [Jesus] called his disciples to him and said to them, “I have compassion on the crowd, because they have been with me now three days and have nothing to eat. And if I send them away hungry to their homes, they will faint on the way. And some of them have come from far away.”

And his disciples answered him, “How can one feed these people with bread here in this desolate place?”

And he asked them, “How many loaves do you have?”

They said, “Seven.”

And he directed the crowd to sit down on the ground. And he took the seven loaves, and having given thanks, he broke them and gave them to his disciples to set before the people; and they set them before the crowd. And they had a few small fish. And having blessed them, he said that these also should be set before them.

And they ate and were satisfied. And they took up the broken pieces left over, seven baskets full.

And there were about four thousand people. And he sent them away. (Mark 8:1-9)

Here come “some people”—

What do they say about this passage?

They say that when the people saw Jesus sharing his sack lunch with all the hungry people (only John mentions that a little boy brought the food – John 6:8-9)…then they all decided to pull out their lunches and share, too.

Because SHARING. (And hiding your snacks even though you’re hungry because someone else might want some…)

I think Jesus said it best:

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Dudes…I’m going to be executed and come back to life. You think food is a problem? Image credit: Pixabay

And Jesus, aware of this, said to [the disciples], “Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened?

“Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?”

They said to him, “Twelve.”

“And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?”

And they said to him, “Seven.”

And he said to them, “Do you not yet understand?” (Mark 8:17-21)

Do you not yet understand?

  • First:

The crowd of 5,000 was in a desolate place, and it was late in the day (so, dinnertime, not lunchtime – their sack lunch was already eaten, I guess).

The crowd of 4,000 was also in a “desolate place,” and had been listening to Jesus for three days. Chances are that – if they had packed some supplies for camping out, they were running low. Jesus even worries that they’ll pass out from hunger before they get home!

  • Second:

Notice how many left-overs they picked up! I don’t have the linguistic skills to prove whether it was a large or small basket…but just look at the number of them!

That’s way more food than you’d expect from some people hoarding rolls up their sleeves.

  • Third:

“Do you not yet understand?”

Jesus is literally teaching them that He is God.

When He’s done with the crowd in Mark 8, He takes the disciples and jumps in a boat. The disciples are worried because they didn’t bring bread – even though Jesus literally just created baked bread and cooked fish out of thin air.

Jesus warns them about “the leaven/yeast of the Pharisees” (v. 15) – meaning their wicked teachings which are contrary to God. Just like it’s “not what goes into a man, but what comes out, that makes him unclean,” it’s not physical food we should be worried about.

We need to be eating the spiritual bread of Jesus and His word…because when we do that, we will find we have just what we need physically.

Also…y’know…Jesus literally has the power to make literally anything…since He did literally make everything (Hebrews).

Why Do People Do This?

Maybe you were basically familiar with all my examples already…and you just wonder why anyone would do this?

Maybe you’re a “God said it, I believe it, that settles it” kind of person. It must seem strange that people make up reasons and little explanations to cut the metaphysical part out of the Biblical miracles.

Why would they want to?

First group: they don’t actually believe it.

These people may call themselves Christians, go to church, or teach in a seminary…but they prove by their actions that they don’t really believe what Jesus said.

They think “moral lessons” are the true heart of Christianity, and that teaching people to be “nice,” to share, and to “look on the bright side” is all there is to it.

Actually…that’s a very sad, pathetic view of the world.

Second group: well-meaning but clumsy.

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Do they just want to sound smart? Image credit: Pixabay

These people want to make the Bible more “believable” – perhaps more “acceptable.” They might be embarrassed by the flame-strikes and the rising-from-the-deads, and they want to explain the “Bible stories” to their kids without looking like they don’t know physics exists.

They don’t seem to understand that – of course physics exists, God just out-ranks it. ‘Cause He made it. ‘Cause He’s awesome.

These people don’t realize it, but they’re really saying:

“Well – this is what really happened. Don’t believe the physical world obeyed God to part rivers, cover the desert with bread, rain fire on wicked cities and people, devour Herod with worms, shrivel fig trees, make a day last more than 24 hours, and return life to people who stopped breathing days before.

“But totally believe you should obey God to forgive your enemies, deny yourself lusting over the opposite sex, tell the truth in all circumstances, not let food control you, and practice kindness to everyone regardless of how annoying they are.”

The historical accounts in the Bible don’t need us to make excuses for them.

5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia Wood

Image credit: ThisFragileTent

I hope these examples encourage you that the next time someone smart-sounding starts telling you this-or-that “didn’t really happen,” God probably put details into His Word that defies exactly what they’re suggesting!

So get out your Bible, and you can know what the real story is!

Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead?
But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.
We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised.
For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished.
If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.
But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. (1 Cor. 15:12-20)

For we did not follow cleverly devised myths when we made known to you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty.
For when he received honor and glory from God the Father, and the voice was borne to him by the Majestic Glory, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased,” we ourselves heard this very voice borne from heaven, for we were with him on the holy mountain.
And we have the prophetic word more fully confirmed, to which you will do well to pay attention as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts, knowing this first of all, that no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation.
For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit. (2 Peter 1:16-21)


This post is approved by my spiritual head.


5 Miracle "Explanations" That God Knew About — Kimia WoodKimia Wood was raised by an aspiring author, so spinning words and weaving plots is in her blood.

She currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family – including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing exploits! You’ll also receive a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier.


Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.

Is “Girl Power” Hurting Us?

I think “Girl Power” is a lie.

What does it even mean, anyway? Strictly speaking, it should be the power of skills and abilities that girls hold in common…the unique ability of feminine traits.

But that’s not what people mean by #GirlPower, is it? I once read a blog post (that I have since lost – humanity is fortunate) talking about “strong women” or “strong female characters” or something like that.

Every single example was fictional (as in, made up). Every single example had either magic powers (like Storm from the X-Men) or battle prowess (like Xena the Warrior Princess).

What about Cinderella – whose strength of character enabled her to endure a devastating home situation and whose purity, humility, and attitude led her to marrying the prince?

What about Corrie ten Boom and her sister, who hid Jews from the Nazis, were arrested and hauled away to a concentration camp in their fifties, and still held Bible studies in their barracks? As for Corrie, she even forgave one of her former guards – through the transforming power of Jesus, of course.

Can’t a girl be “strong” without imitating exactly what the boys are doing?

World: You Go, Girl!

Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Wikipedia

With hashtags like #girlboss, #beastforshe, and #believeher, you’d think girls would be encouraged and strong.

Disney is re-doing all their old titles to make them less sexist. You can buy hundreds of dollars worth of plaques that say #GirlBoss or #BossBabe or “Messy bun and getting stuff done” or “I drink the coffee and then I do the things” (can you guess where I work?).

Women do marches with funny pink hats on. A woman makes an allegation of sexual misconduct, and anyone who questions her facts is a sexist hater.

You’d think that, with all this support flooding the women of our culture, women and girls would be confident, strong, able…and happy.

But they’re not happy. They’re intensely unhappy. Whenever I hear a news item about Hillary Clinton, one of the most powerful women in the country (if not the world) I think about how absolutely miserable she seems.

Where’s the joy?

Also World: Girl, Wash Your Face!

Is "Girl Power" Hurting Us? — Kimia WoodScroll the bestsellers on Amazon, or browse the books on sale by the registers of Hobby Lobby, and you’ll start picking up a vibe…

  • Me, Myself, and Lies: A Thought Closet Makeover — “Words are powerful. Especially the words women speak to themselves.” Get rid of the negative things you think about yourself, and replace them with positive things from God’s word!
  • Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely — “GOD WANTS US TO LIVE LOVED WHEN WE FEEL LEFT OUT, LONELY, AND LESS THAN. [sic] … Lysa TerKeurst digs deep into God’s Word to help you explore the roots of rejection, the way other relationships get tainted because of a past rejection, and the truth about what it looks like to live loved.”
  • Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be — A lifestyle blogger and CEO of her own media company encourages girls to “live with passion and hustle.”
  • Also Girl, Stop Apologizing — the same author tells women to not “define themselves in light of other people” but rather learn “how to own who they are and what they want”.
  • Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free – “Many women live under a cloud of personal guilt and condemnation,” says this author. “Many are in bondage to their past. Others are gripped by fear of rejection and a longing for approval. Still others are emotional prisoners.”
    “Nancy offers the most effective weapon to counter and overcome Satan’s deceptions: God’s truth!”
  • Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free – “Pure is a powerful wake-up call about our society’s subjugation of women.”

Books* don’t get to these prominent places unless someone buys them. Lots of someones.

People (women) want to read these books, are reading them, and feel a need for them. Why?

Our culture is telling women and girls to achieve, to be their best selves, to chase their dreams, to roar. And yet, lots of women are obviously feeling beaten down, surrounded, inadequate, injured, and tarnished.

Why?

Bible: “She is Clothed with Dignity and Strength”

Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia Wood

This is my mom. She is one powerful lady.

In total, we had ten little kids in our house (not all at once, but over time). Toddlers are like all the annoying parts of humanity condensed into Toddlers challenge the best of us I hate tod

Little kids are a handful. Yet this powerful, patient woman poured all her kindness and caring into every single one of them.

Sure, there’s a #momlife hash-tag…but do we as a culture glorify the “getting up at two in the morning” part of parenting? The “pitched battle over a pile of peas” part? The “he spent three months of his life in the time-out chair” part?

Women aren’t strong in the same way men are.

And that’s okay. In fact, it’s awesome.

One of the worst things the transgender movement does (apart from enabling stalkers) is teach kids to be uncomfortable in their own bodies.

It’s okay to love the body you were born in. It’s OKAY to like being a girl!

We should be telling girls, “Yes, you feel uncomfortable. It’s called puberty. Everyone feels it, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Instead, we’re telling them, “Hey, maybe you’re really a boy in a girl’s body! We need to permanently alter your body chemistry and ruin your potential to bear children! Be ashamed of your boobs and your long hair because obviously the universe got you wrong!

“Oh, and by the way, Wash Your Face!”

Girls can be strong. Just not necessarily the same “strong” as boys. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s healthy.

Bible: Your Daughters Will Be Pillars in the House of Our God

Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Unsplash

Women are built to be nurturing, empathetic, bonding, supportive.

I’ve already talked about what men should be – and all the reasons I’m a patriarchist – but just for now let’s focus on the girls.

Women are sustainers. They’re the glue that holds families (and hence society) together…and keeps those wild, impulsive, world-changing men from killing themselves by accident.

I am a lioness. I do not lead the pride — I only hunt the food for my cubs. There’s a reason the man is the king.

But how can we expect them to do their jobs when we’re not doing ours? God calls us to quiet submission…which inspires our menfolk in ways we could never understand.

Without the pillars, the building collapses. We can’t all be the flashy frieze on the roof-line. We can’t all be the foundation and floor. And if a pillar tried to be the floor…well, “falling down on the job” is a cheap shot.

Modern culture wants women to shamelessly pursue their own desires…at everyone else’s expense.

But that’s not how women were designed. That’s not how any of us were designed.

Don’t just blame the girls for this…as a civilization (as a species?) we are convinced that the only good is whatever “I” want, and that whoever denies me what I want is wrong.

We tell women to distance themselves from relationships that hold them back, to get rid of “negative” thoughts, and to lay aside their shame. That if they had an extra layer of confidence, they could protect their self-esteem from the unrealistic expectations of the world and be happy.

But while the culture and the media are screaming, “I am woman, hear me roar!” all the women and girls are curled up in the corner having a panic attack.

Solution: Solve for X

How do we fix this? What can we do?

If your car is broken, you call a mechanic. If your sink or your A/C is broken, you call a plumber or a technician.

When your human is broken…open up the Manual!

The very fact that these books are selling so well is a hint that we feel a need. We feel broken. What we’re trying isn’t working.

We want to choose who we are…to define for ourselves what it means to be a “woman.” Trust me, we’ve been doing this since about Chapter 3…and it doesn’t work. Never has, never will. So let’s try something else – something that’s not “girl power.”

You can read thematic Bible studies if you want (as some of the books mentioned above bill themselves), but I prefer to cut out the middle men and the artificial preservatives. Just give me the straight-up, organic, gluten-free Bible!

Do it. Now.

Stop reading this meandering, totally anecdote-based, highly unscientific blog post and go read your Bible! You’ll be surprised how direct God is about who He wants you to be.

Like so many things, change starts with a hard look at yourself. Feel ashamed of your past? Trapped by your relationships? Impotent to pursue your dreams?

Start right here.Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia WoodBy building a wooden cross By asking Jesus for help.

Once we have the foundation, we can set up the pillars in their proper place. The solution isn’t always to punch through things…sometimes we need to reevaluate our strategy completely!

Only once we know what it truly means to be a woman will we know how to “achieve our full potential.” And that comes from asking the Guy who invented women!

Let me end with a quote from prolific Christian writer C.S. Lewis:

“Don’t you remember on earth — there were things too hot to touch with your finger but you could drink them all right? Shame is like that. If you will accept it – if you will drink the cup to the bottom – you will find it very nourishing: but try to do anything else with it and it scalds.” (The Great Divorce)


* Retweet is not endorsement – but to make sure we’re clear: I have not read any of the six books in this list, so cannot recommend or give a judgement on any of them. They are merely to illustrate the point that a lot of the “inspirational” best-sellers are aimed at helping women feel better about themselves…which prompts the question, “What’s tearing them down?”

I can, however, highly recommend Lewis’ Great Divorce. All these years later, it still drives to the heart of human nature. Read it now (after your Bible, of course)!


Is Girl Power Hurting Us? — Kimia WoodKimia Wood lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family…including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend.

She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing adventures! You’ll also get a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier.

More Lessons From Dogs

Dogs aren’t just cute, devoted, warm, and fuzzy. They teach us important things about God…and ourselves. We may just be dogs in Jesus’ pack…but He’s the best Alpha ever!

All Dogs Are Just Dogs

More Lessons from Dogs — Kimia WoodAll dogs sniff butts. They all will eat “goat fudge” if they get the chance, and will check out their own vomit to see if there’s anything that deserves a second chance.

You can’t blame them…they’re just dogs.

You collies and labs, don’t pretend you’re better than the hound.

It’s fun to think how much better you are than the other dogs…how well you heel, and sit, and stay…how well you listen to Alpha.

But in the end, you’re just a dog. Don’t pretend your mess smells any better than theirs…Alpha still puts it in a scoop bag and throws it away. That’s what it’s like to be a dog.

The good news is, Alpha also plays with you and scratches your ears and gives you dinner just like all His other dogs.

So be happy…and don’t act like you’re more Alpha’s dog than another of the Pack. Continue reading

3 Reasons To Avoid the Cloud

Everybody wants you to embrace the “cloud” — streaming your movies and music, storing your files on a cloud service, buying software and video games that “dial in” to a server in order to work, and more.

The idea is that all or part of the digital product you use is stored on the company’s servers. You have to connect to their computers to use the program, play the game, watch the movie, or whatever.

Maybe you love the connectedness, and how you can get whatever you want on any device. Or can you?

Here are three reasons I think this trend is dangerous, and why I’m working to avoid the “cloud”:

1) Internet is Never 100%

3 Reasons to Avoid the Cloud — Kimia Wood

Internet connectivity; Image credit: BusinessInsider.com

I live in the heart of the US of A, and the internet is not constant. Sometimes it goes down for no reason.

Our internet provider just sent us a new modem, so it’s been better for the last few days. But it still gets hung up on my YouTube videos sometimes.

My parents thought about buying a house where, because of the terrain and the location of providers, it was a dead zone for internet.

And that’s not even talking about the rest of the world.

Continue reading

3 Things Christians Say That Aren’t Biblical

3 Things Christians Say That Aren’t Biblical

“Of how many things can you be so certain that are not true?” — Major Hochstetter, Hogan’s Heroes

Christianity is super simple. God made it so that even little kids can understand it:

“Jesus (God’s Son) died for evil-doers – of whom I am the worst! But now He is alive again to make us like Him!”

See? Super simple. But I guess it’s like a classic novel, where you can know the basics by reading the Wikipedia article…but you’ll be missing a lot of details unless you actually read the real book.

Sometimes people in Christianity (even super smart people, like pastors) say things…but those things aren’t actually in the Bible.

Sometimes, those ideas are actually pretty silly…but everyone believes them because they’re “self-evident truths” of Christianity.

However, if we actually looked at the Bible, we’d see how silly and wrong they are.

Here are three of my favorite “things people say without realizing they’re not true.”

“Not even the Son knows – except now He does.”

3 Things Christians Say That Aren't Biblical — Kimia Wood

Image from Pixabay

Maybe this is just me, but I thought we were supposed to be suspicious when people read a verse of the Bible and then said, “But that’s not true today.”

If you’ve never heard this one, it goes like this:

We’re reading Matthew 24, about the “end of the age,” and Jesus says:

“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” (v. 36)

But then the pastor or whoever looks up at the audience and says, “But of course he knows now. Jesus gave up some of His divine knowledge and power while He was on earth, but now that He’s back in heaven He has all that…so He knows when He’s coming back.”

Maybe it’s just me…but I would not be arguing with Jesus, here.

Take a look at the broader context of this verse:

“Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place.

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.

“But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only.” (vv. 34-36)

He just said that His words are more dependable than the earth itself. Why would you question Him and think that this statement is no longer true?

Here’s why: they don’t want Jesus to be subservient to the Father.

Some people are uncomfortable with God the Son not being perfectly equal to God the Father in absolutely everything…but that is the point, isn’t it? A son is supposed to be under his father. And God has revealed Themself to us as Father and Son (and Holy Spirit) for a reason.

Several passages of Scripture make it clear that the Father sent Jesus to die for our sins. In the garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus was wrestling with the task ahead of Him, He very deliberately put Himself under the authority of the Father and committed Himself to do the Father’s will (the Holy Spirit also made very sure to let us know what Jesus said in that moment…if you recall, the disciples were a little sleepy to be taking notes).

Also check out 1 Corinthians 15:

For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ.

Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet.

The last enemy to be destroyed is death.

For “God has put all things in subjection under his feet.” But when it says, “all things are put in subjection,” it is plain that he is excepted who put all things in subjection under him.

When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all. (vv. 22-28)

Isn’t it beautiful? God is both over everything, and subject to someone greater (that is, Himself). Sort of like He’s “just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus” (Rom. 3:26)!

You weren’t expecting all that from a verse on the end times, were you?!

“God the Father looked away from/abandoned Jesus on the cross.”

3 Things Christians Say That Aren't Biblical — Kimia Wood

Where does it say that?!

We could check out Matthew 27:46 —

And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani? that is, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Or Mark 15:34 —

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani? which means, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

(say, it’s repeated twice…I wonder if it’s important?) but I’d like us to look at Psalm 22:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?


Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer,
and by night, but I find no rest.

In you our fathers trusted;
they trusted, and you delivered them. (vv. 1-4)

I…I’m choking up.

 

It’s like He’s saying, “I’m not distant! I’m right here, kids…right here!”

The crowd of gawkers didn’t understand, either — they thought he was calling the prophet Elijah to come help Him or something.

But no…I believe He was giving us the title of the psalm…to remind that this was planned from the time of David (who wrote the psalm) and beyond. To declare to the whole world this was His plan, and that He had not forsaken us!

Maybe you think this is all well and good, but the Father still totally turned His back on Jesus somehow on the cross.

Well, I say that is all well and good, but I’ve never heard any verse to back it up except the one above.

Apparently (I’ve only ever seen it quoted in something else) the Bible Knowledge Commentary says, “God died forsaken by God so that His people might claim God as their God and never be forsaken”.

That’s a cute, symmetrical catch-phrase that looks good on a plaque…but is it really based in the Bible?! It’s not what I see God actually telling us.

And when I ask why the Father turned His back on Jesus, they say:

“God can’t look at sin.”

3 Things Christians Say That Aren't Biblical — Kimia Wood

Image from Unsplash

And I want to know where that’s written.

Actually, God totally sees our wickedness (and it makes Him mad).

There is a verse where this is literally written…in Habakkuk 1:13—

You [speaking of God] who are of purer eyes than to see evil
and cannot look at wrong,
why do you idly look at traitors
and remain silent when the wicked swallows up
the man more righteous than he?

Allow me to widen the lens so we can examine the broader context of this verse:

Are you not from everlasting, O Lord my God, my Holy One? We shall not die. O Lord, you have ordained them as a judgment, and you, O Rock, have established them for reproof.

You who are of purer eyes than to see evil
and cannot look at wrong,
why do you idly look at traitors
and remain silent when the wicked swallows up
the man more righteous than he?

You make mankind like the fish of the sea,
like crawling things that have no ruler. (vv. 12-14)

The verses right before this are talking about the great army God is bringing to punish the Hebrews. Habakkuk complains that Israel is full of wickedness, and God seems to be sitting on His couch doing nothing while the bad guys commit injustice against men more righteous than themselves.

But this is not true: God is bringing the Chaldeans/Babylonians up to thrash Israel like a nation-sized spanking. So a “Kimia-translation” of the above passage might be:

I trust you, God. You won’t totally kill us (after all, You’re our firm Rock) — You’ve earmarked these Babylonians to be our punishment.

The Hebrews say You’re “too pure to look at evil”, and that that’s why you “don’t see” their back-stabbing and oppression…but they’re wrong.

You’re so big and mighty, men are like fish to You – and you will break us like stupid bugs.

(The following verses talk about how the wicked man is so stupid that when he gets a good catch with his fishing net, he turns around and worships the net. Gives you a new perspective on God’s great patience with us, huh?)

Speaking of patience, that’s why God hasn’t nuked His people yet. Because He’s patient.

Habakkuk (and several other prophets and passages) warns them: don’t think you’ve gotten away with robbing widows and orphans and cheating on your tithes because God doesn’t see you! No, He was giving you a chance to repent and give it up! But the bill comes due…always.

So the next time someone tells you that “God can’t look at sin,” remind them – that’s what the evil men say…to get out of obeying Him.

You might also recall that Jesus deliberately proved He couldn’t be made unclean by physical and spiritual uncleanliness (read Mark). So it doesn’t make sense to imagine God covering His eyes because the sight of our wickedness might taint Him.

TL;DR: Read Your Bible!

So the next time someone tells you something like “well duh this is true,” look in your Bible. If you don’t see it there – ask questions!

If they say, “Here, and here, and here” – look…and you’ll learn something!

But if they can’t back it up with the Bible…maybe the Holy Spirit is teaching them something! (Let Him do that, by the way…He doesn’t need you to do His job :} )

Any other things people take for granted that aren’t in God’s Word?

Do you have Scripture to support any of the things I’ve dismissed?! I have a comments section…


Featured image from ThisFragileTent

3 Things Christians Say That Aren't Biblical — Kimia WoodKimia was raised by an aspiring author, so spinning words and weaving plots is in her blood.

She currently lives somewhere in the American Midwest with her family – including the brother people mistake for her boyfriend. She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for periodic updates on her latest reading and writing adventures! You’ll also get a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier!


Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.

DOs and DON’Ts of Face Masks

It’s 2020, and Face Masks are all the rage.

I’m part of the consumer-elastic and -fabric supply chain, so I know. By the time this is all over, we should have about 500 face masks per capita.

[For future web-surfers, “this” is the COVID-19/coronavirus/Wu Han virus pandemic that paralyzed the world during the first part of 2020.]

And yet…a lot of people seem to be missing the point.

On the one hand, it’s great that people have found something they can do to participate in this pandemic.

On the other hand, is wearing a face mask something we should medically be doing?

When the so-called “experts” keep giving conflicting advice – or changing their minds about what is “best” – it’s easy to not know what to believe.

But you should listen to me. I’m on the internet. You can trust me.

Here, in one place, are some basics on Face Masks…so you can decide for yourself if wearing one is worth it! Continue reading

Publish Your Book on Amazon (For People Who Hate Computers)

So you want to publish a book on Amazon…but have no idea how?

Don’t worry! It’s super easy!

TL;DR:Publish Your Book on Amazon (For People Who Hate Computers) — Kimia Wood

1) Go to this link: https://kdp.amazon.com/

2) Sign in with your Amazon password.

3) Follow the prompts and read the instructions!

4) Check out Amazon’s “how to” posts for more information, or if you get stuck.

Do you want more detailed instructions? Well, for those who hate the internet, and just want someone to spell everything out ahead of time, read on!

Whether you want to publish your grandpa’s memoir…your husband’s hobby novel…a family history…a fan-fiction — if your only goal is getting it on Amazon so your second cousins in Alaska can order their own copies – this is the place for you!

(Info on plotting / writing / editing / revising / re-plotting / polishing / revising / editing / marketing / selling a book or novel is beyond the scope of this post.) Continue reading

The Gift – Yes, Gift – of Singleness

The Gift – Yes, Gift – of Singleness

Singleness wasn’t your plan, was it, girlfriend?

Yeah, me neither.

Feel it? The throbbing, gnawing ache that chews its way up through your heart?

Put it there, girlfriend. Yeah, me, too…it comes and goes.

A bad stretch? Your cousin’s getting married, now? Your childhood friend posted more kid pics?

We have lots of tissues — knock yourself out.

Listen, maybe you don’t want to hear this right now, but God’s plan is always –

No, I’m not going to be your aunt. Not going to quote the plaque your church gave, you, either. Yeah, everyone says it to me, too—

The Gift – Yes, Gift – of Singleness — Kimia Wood

Rub it in, why don’t you?!

God’s got a man for you somewhere out there.

So, how’s the “fishing” going?

Y’know, you’re not getting younger… Let me tell you about the wonders of marriage –

You know what the Bible says: “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord –”

No, I wasn’t going to say that.

I was saying, “God’s plan is always good.”

Have another tissue, and I’ll explain. Continue reading

My 27 Happy Birthday Things

Today – April 27 – I turn 27 years old.

(That’s right, isn’t it, Mom? Right? [math]…okay, yeah.)

My day-job is still on quarantine shut-down – along with most things in my state – but I figured I could still have fun by coming up with 27 things that I like.

Read on to: 1) find some things you might like to try; 2) rejoice that something you like is enjoyed by someone else; and 3) find out more about me! (Because who wouldn’t want to!)

1. Jesus

He’s the most wonderful Person in the history of ever. Not only does He put up with me when I’m being a selfish, petulant baby, but He rescued me from my own selfishness and is going to marry me one day.

(In a spiritual sense, of course. It’s not weird…talk to Him about it!)

2. My family

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

The famous brother!

Well, a whole lot of things have to tie for second place. But I think the cake has to go to my parents and my kid brother.

(Just kidding! I eat the whole cake myself!)

While they’re far from perfect, I think my parents’ success can be boiled down to two basic parenting choices:

A—They boldly lived their Christian walks in front of us kids

…the times they doubted, the times they came up short, the times they didn’t have the answers. They communicated their love of Jesus – not only in their words – but in the actions and decisions they made every single day.

B—They took us along for the ride.

We were never excluded in a little box of “innocence,” and they never made us feel like the adult world was some boring place we didn’t belong. Whether visiting the OB floor where my mom worked…or sitting around with our church-friends talking heavy theology stuff…or going over math sheets together…or taking two weeks for an “American Government” field trip on the East Coast because homeschooling lets you do that!…we were always included, valued, “one of the guys,” and shown the “adult world” as a place we absolutely belonged.

And my brother…well, I could talk all day about this complicated and precious dynamic we have.

3. Dorothy Sayers

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Amazon

She had to come sooner or later.

If I were to list only one author whose work I would want with me on a desert island, it would be the lucid, intellectual, witty, and soul-searching novels of Dorothy L. Sayers.

She doesn’t just write mysteries…although they are such clever, twisty, and satisfying mysteries.

Each of her works is infused with a philosophical bite, a keen insight into human nature, glorious British banter, colorful flesh-and-blood characters…

I could go on, but I’ll just recommend my personal favorite: Unnatural Death.

4. One Punch Man

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: One Punch Man Wiki

Another tie for 2nd place, this anime blew my mind and skyrocketed to the top of All Things Amazing in my life.

Yeah, probably don’t show it to the kids (there’s sprinkled coarse language and borderline male nudity), but there’s so much else awesome here!

Genos! Saitama – a noble (though bored) hero with the Daddy-like power to crush any bad-guy! Crazy monsters, and truck-loads of professional heros. Genos! A snotty telepath chick who kicks Captain Marvel in power, attitude, and characterization. Simple plots with deep themes – oh, such themes! Heroism! Self-sacrifice! The harsh reality of mob mentality, attacking the very heroes who saved their lives! Genos!

Enough already. Just go read why Genos is totally adorable, then maybe find it on YouTube or your favorite streaming service (or even buy the DVD and a t-shirt to match!).

5. Baking

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Pixabay

When I was a kid, I always found baking frustrating because it took so much time and energy to produce something that…would be consumed and gone before you could turn around.

Now, it still takes time and energy…but I just need those chocolate cookies, man. Whatever method delivers my hit.

Oh! I’ve also figured out yeast-bread. For the longest time, breads with yeast were always frustrating because they took longer, you had to get your arms all flour-y with kneading them, and 90% of the time they wouldn’t even rise!

Now, though, I have a few secrets:

a) Use yeast that’s not old and kaput. b) Knead on the kitchen table (which is just the right hight to be comfortable for my arms). You still have to get flour all over your hands, but if you knead it long enough the dough goes all soft and squishy and elastic and it’s lovely. c) Arrange the dough beside and above a ROARING WOOD-STOVE to rise!

Now…well, my baked goods still seem to disappear shockingly quickly. But I’m having enough fun experimenting with the process that it’s not so terrible when I only get one or two rolls.

(ALTHOUGH I STILL WANT MORE THAN ONE ROLL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.)

6. My coworkers

I like my day job. I really do. Yes, it’s work, and yes, it’s makes me tired and frustrated…but that’s what adulting is about.

And part of what makes it all worth it is the great people I get to work with! They really are like family 🙂

7. YouTubers: Lindsey Ellis, Filmento, Overly Sarcastic Productions, Literature Devil, The Closer Look

I watch way too much YouTube. One of the reasons I’m always baking (or washing dishes) is it gives me an excuse to watch.

My pattern over the past year or so is: I find a video I like (usually on story theory, movies, or human nature) and then I go obsessively watch the creator’s entire back-list.

I forced myself to narrow it down to just my absolute favorites. Go check them out…maybe you’ll discover some new content you love!

(And one of these days I absolutely need to put something in their Patreon tip jar, ’cause – come on! – I want them to keep eating and keep making content!)

Overly Sarcastic Productions—My favorite of their videos is their series “Trope Talk” on various commonly repeated story elements/tools/building blocks, like this video on Paragon Characters (language caution for this one)—official site

—Literature Devil—His series of videos on “Is #ComicsGate Wrong?” asks the question: “Should comics focus primarily on Telling Stories, or on Politics and Social Issues?” Entertaining and thought-provoking!—official site

—Lindsey Ellis—I first found her channel through her ruthless critique of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast remake. She may be a woke lib chick from California, but even when we don’t agree I still find her arguments interesting and thought-provoking (LANGUAGE cautions, though!)—her channel homepage

—Filmento—This guy has an adorable little accent – I mean, also he analyzes movies from a story-telling and craft perspective…like this video where he explains why Captain America: Winter Soldier is amazing (language caution)! He’s also good because, when he critiques a movie, he gives suggestions for how it could be done better – like in this video for how the Men in Black reboot could have been stronger!—his Patreon

—The Closer Look—I first found this guy because of his video on how pushing a political viewpoint in a story alienates your audience…though I also like his video that discusses the unique immersion opportunities video games have versus other forms of media—his channel homepage

8. Wadjet Eye Games

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Gemini Rue

Maybe should have gone higher on the list but I refuse to overthink this.

This outfit consistently puts out amazing, high-quality point-and-click games.

The puzzles are intuitive (most of the time) and make you feel clever.

The stories and powerful, emotional, and feature jaw-dropping twists.

The voice work is top-notch, the music is addictive, and the graphics range from retro low-res to beautifully evocative.

How much do I love them? I finally bought one of their games NOT ON SALE! (Okay, it was a Christmas present from my brother, same difference.)

If you are in any way interested in point-and-click indie games, then checkoutmyreviews, and then give them your money so they can keep doing this!

9. Visiting nursing homes

It’s…strangely fulfilling and addictive. Of course, I haven’t gone to see my little friends for at least a month…but I’m still praying for them, and can’t wait to get back at it!

You, too, can visit nursing homes and brighten someone’s day!

10. Pretty yarn

My work-place has started carrying these super cute skeins that have multi-color swirls of different colors, and they look so adorable all wrapped up (and feel so soft and fun when you touch them) that I’d have a hard time actually using any of them.

But they’re still super adorable.

11. Columbo and Mission: Impossible

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: marketwatch.com

Tied for 5th place (don’t try to make the math come out…I’m not) are two amazing TV shows.

Columbo is a knuckle-biting (and sometimes humorous) murder mystery starring the smartest, frumpiest police lieutenant to ever be perpetually underestimated.

Mission: Impossible is packed with suspense, intrigue, slow-burn plots, keep-you-guessing double-agents – all held together with amazing teamwork!

If all you know of M:I is the movies…you’re missing out and you need to see the TV show!

12. My Hero Academia

My brother and I only recently cracked into this show over quarantine…and, well, I guess it lives up to the hype.

I know I put it after Columbo and M:I, but it might actually be my #2 favorite show. (It’s way better than Avatar: The Last Airbender YES I SAID IT.)

I really need to write a full review. Suffice to say that it handles a large cast expertly, builds slow-burn friendships and character arcs deliciously, offers pay-offs on things you didn’t even know they were setting up…all while exploring the explosive concept of a super-human society with creativity, humor, and plenty of action.

Perfect? No. But 100% worth $5 for a month of streaming from whatever service you can find it on. (And maybe when they finally come out with full-season or multi-season DVDs we can get those, too.)

13. Buckeyes

For those not in the Midwest, these are basically half-and-half frosting and peanut butter – rolled into balls and coated in chocolate. (Although they also work just plastered on a cookie sheet and chopped into slices.)

Chocolate and peanut butter. The only downside is the calorie price-tag.

14. Our dog and cats

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia WoodTied for 5th place (just give up…I have) is our dog (Border collie mix) and cats (our current ones are all-black American short-hairs).

My family never owned a dog until we moved to the country when I was…well, over 20 – and now I don’t know what we did without him!

Wag wag SO FLUFFY wag snuffle *stroke ears*

15. Knitting

I’ve been trying to rotate lately, to cut down on hand pain (really hoping this isn’t early-onset carpel tunnel), but I love knitting.

Probably especially since I can do it while doing something else (reading, watching a movie, talking with people) and feel like I’m being productive (or “extra productive”).

I’ve been knitting since age 12, and have made countless hats, scarfs, afghans, sweaters, shawls, doll clothes –

My bad. The doll clothes I’m thinking of were crocheted.

I also do cross-stitch, am getting into sewing, and have done embroidery in the past.

I probably like knitting the best, but it depends on the situation. (And I’m constantly having to talk myself out of picking up a new project.)

16. Research

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: Mike Popovich on Unsplash

Part of the fun of being an author is researching stories!

Back when I was writing Sons of the King, I lived to hunt through all the obscure websites about castles, swords, poison, and other info about pre-Conquest Great Britain.

Hayes and Hayes, of course, required me to learn A LOT about the Drug Enforcement Administration, gangs, and meth. (Reminds me of a funny story from Sociology class…also I wrote a Statistics paper about meth-rehab clinical studies!)

And of course, White Mesa Chronicles let me dive head-first into societal collapse…what urban environments might look like after 50 years of neglect…home-steading…prepper culture…how you could rebuild Western civilization with a 3D-printer in your basement (ahem – you really can’t, but having 50 other families with 3D-printers in your neighborhood is a good start)…parasite epidemiology…I lose track.

Ooh! And if you grab my latest release (Transmutation of Shadow, publishing TODAY!), you’ll find out why I researched jails; the CIA headquarters at Langley, PN; the strength tolerances of bullet-proof glass; when Dunkin’ Donuts opens; and other cool stuff like that!

(It’s so much fun sometimes you don’t write the actual book…*cough cough*!)

17. Fire escapes and sewer grates

That reminds me. I have an unnatural attraction to fire escapes.

Not like I want to do parkour or anything… Maybe it’s just the draw of the forbidden.

Like those “Staff only” and “No entry” doors, and the little packets at stores that say “Silica gel Do not eat Throw away.”

What would happen if you ate one?

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: es.Valve.wiki.com

As for the sewer grates, I’m pretty sure that’s 85% to 90% of me worried a head-crab is going to appear at any moment.

18. Halo and Half-life 2

How could I call this a “list of things I like” and totally forget two of the greatest games to ever grace the digital world?!

While I have written about how, in some ways, Halo is superior to Half-life 2…they both played huge, HUGE roles in my development – mental, emotional, and creative – and I will always owe them a great debt.

(Honestly, though, the Master-chief beats Gordon Freeman. Totally.)

19. Steve Taylor

My favorite singer/songwriter ever.

My family teases me that you can’t understand a word he says…but if you take the time to dive into the lyric sheets, you’ll find words that cut deep to the soul of humanity – and then stake that soul out to roast on the solid rock of Biblical Theology.

He’s also sarcastic, which is delightful.

20. Kristen Lamb

This Texan lady is a blogger on story structure, author business, marketing, the publishing industry, inter-personal social dynamics…

She’s so very different from me. She’s aggressive. She’s a go-getter. She calls it like she sees it, and doesn’t care what extra characters (@#%&) she uses in her posts.

She’s also remarkably right about a lot of things…and I find her call-to-arms inspiring.

My favorite post is probably this one, talking about how content providers (authors, singers, artists, performers) actually do deserve compensation for the services they offer.

Check her out! Maybe even buy her books (or check out her tip jar if you really like her stuff).

21. Magnolia flowers

Every spring, the tree in the front yard blooms, and my heart sings.

22. also Tulips and Daffodils

Everybody talks about how wonderful roses are, but tulips are gorgeous and amazing and come in so many different colors and have such a pleasing shape! (Also our property is coated with rose bushes that are all thorns and will grab you at the most unexpected times but I digress.)

23. Marvel movies

My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Image credit: BrianOverland.com

My favorites are Thor: Ragnarok and Captain America: The Winter Soldier!

My mom’s favorite is Avengers: Age of Ultron because of the scene on Hawkeye’s farm. She could probably just watch that scene over and over and be happy 🙂

24. RWBY soundtrack

I think I might like the music more than the show itself, even! As I said in my review, it’s like cinematic orchestral smashed with rock with a smattering of ballad…and also jam packed with clever words and emotion.

(Note to self: buy the CDs one day in case YouTube is down…)

25. Cleaning things

Sounds weird, I know. I think the fun comes from the visual progress of seeing dirt and grime peeling away and being magically replaced with clean surfaces.

(I also have a perfectionist streak, so whenever I start cleaning something, I get wrapped up in doing it all.)

26. Our D&D campaign

My dad and brother have gotten more “into it” than I have (which is strange, since re-launching our campaign was kinda my idea), but it grows on you. (Maybe dying has a way of increasing emotional investment?)

It has taken over my blog in some ways. Or rather, it’s kept the blog alive during some dry creative patches!

Go ahead – check out the Ranger Journal (at “Season 1: the Cult of the Reptile God,” “Season 2: the Village of Homlette,” or the in-progress “Season 3: the Temple of Elemental Evil“).

When it’s less about rolling dice – and more about creating a story as friends – it’s more fun!My 27 Happy Birthday Things — Kimia Wood

27. Blogging

Tied for #10, I love my blog.

Though I started it to promote my author career, I have fun jabbering about whatever I care about, formatting it prettily, then PUBLISHING it for all the world to see!

It gives me a place to process things I want to think about, and encourages me to articulate it in a way that makes sense to other people.

So…look around, make yourself at home – and maybe find something that entertains you and makes you think!


My 27 Happy Birthday Things — Kimia WoodKimia Wood turns 27 today!

She was born in what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo, and currently lives with her family somewhere in the American Midwest. She’s bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, writing, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

If you like lovable characters, gripping action, siblings who would die for each other, mysteries, questions, emotional adventures, and asking “what if?”…then you will enjoy any of her books!

Her latest novel just PUBLISHED TODAY, and features a lovable “Jason Bourne Jedi” – who works as a government assassin – finding out some of his targets weren’t on the approved list! Give me a birthday present and grab yourself a copy 😉 😀My 27 Happy Birthday Things! — Kimia Wood

Open Letter to Chick Publishing

Open Letter to Chick Publishing

Dear Chick Publishing,

I grew up with your tracts. My mom handed them out every Halloween.

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: Pixabay

I’ve often cried real tears while reading them because I see the beautiful story of my Master Jesus and His love for His people. And now that I’m grown, I’ve made your tracts a part of my own “passive evangelism” strategy (as opposed to the times I actually have conversations with people).

Which is why I feel I have to write this letter. I feel you (as an organization, maybe not as an individual) have a blind spot that’s hurting your witness and your relationship with your brothers and sisters…and our common Lord.

Is the KJV Really Your Hill to Die On?

I don’t mind if y’all prefer the King James Version of the Bible…but the anger and bitterness with which y’all 1) defend your preference and 2) attack others who make a different choice is frustrating.

Quite apart from the ways in which the KJV is a poor reflection of the original Greek, the things y’all write in your newsletters (and even in some of your tracts!) make it sound like you believe God sent an angel down in 1611 with golden tablets inscribed with these words, and to translate them would be a heresy!

Dude! Seriously?! What– Is this seriously how you want to be remembered? If even I, a Christian fundamentalist patriarchalist, thinks you sound cray-cray, what are unbelievers who run across this material going to think?

But let’s break it down. Because it’s not even rational. The KJV is the only valid Bible? Really? Are y’all for real?

God’s Literal Words…in English

Okay, so…your company (Chick Publishing) prints Spanish tracts.

SPANISH tracts.

People. You print tracts…in SPANISH.

Those tracts ARE NOT USING THE KING JAMES.

When Paul of Tarsus sat down and dictated to Silas, he wasn’t using English…they were speaking (gasp) GREEK. Literally Greek.

Were the things Paul, Peter, Luke, Moses, Jeremiah, etc. said/wrote all wrong until some random guys in Great Britain came along to “translate” them into the words God actually meant (meaning the KJV)?

What about the Bible translation work going on around the world?

This very moment, as I write this, Wycliffe Associates is supporting more than 1,550 translation projects, translating the Bible into languages around the world.

Not a single word of those translations is going to be KJV.

Do y’all seriously, honestly, intellectually believe that no one can be a “good Christian” unless he reads the Scriptures in 17TH-CENTURY ENGLISH?

I guess I’ll just go give the bad news to, like, literally 99.9% of Christians who have ever lived in the history of the world!

If We’re Here to Communicate…Shouldn’t We Speak Their Language?

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: ThisFragileTent

Not all English is created equal.

Meaning, many English-speakers (even those who speak it as a first language) have trouble with the phraseology of the King James.

I’ve heard a pastor preach about how bad “diver’s weights” are…not realizing the Proverb is talking about “diverse weights” AKA “weights of various (lying) measurements.” (Prov. 20:10…note how the ESV renders it…)

There was also a girl who was turned off from Jesus because she though He wanted children to suffer (“Suffer the little children to come unto Me…”). Using a translation that actually spoke her version of English helped her see that Jesus meant, “Let the children come to Me…”

We want to show people the real Jesus. I believe we can do that without compromising the truth of God, while still speaking in language people actually understand.

Incidentally…

Your tracts are written in modern English.

The cartoon on the back of one of your recent newsletter shows a “figure like a man” on a shiny throne, and he’s saying, “What are you doing with my words?”

Not, “What dost thou with My words?”

So is he really God if he’s using modern English sentence structure?

Oops! I was sarcastic!

Check out the tract “The Big Spender,” which y’all just published/republished.

It devotes a lot of text to explaining the Bible verses it quotes.

If it just used a translation that spoke modern English, it wouldn’t have to waste that space.

You apparently understand that the KJV doesn’t clearly communicate your meaning a lot of the time…so why do you insist on clinging to it? I’m honestly mystified.

“Do Not Add ANY Words…”

One of the things y’all complain about with other translations is “taking away” or “adding” words that aren’t in the original languages.

But honestly, the KJV isn’t immune, either.

Take this addition:

In John 8, we find the story of the woman caught in adultery.

The crowd asks Jesus to rule on the matter, and He ignores them to write in the dust.

Then the men, beginning with the oldest, left (vs. 9).

The KJV mentions they were “pricked in their consciences.”

The problem is, that phrase isn’t in the original Greek!

It helps with understanding the passage, but it’s an ADDITION to the literal words of Scripture! Those responsible for the KJV used their own interpretation in how they chose to render the passage.

To an extent, every translator makes choices like this.

But if you’re going to get bent out of shape over “adding or subtracting” from the word of God, you should at least apply the same metric to your own favorite translation. (Not even touching on the fact that Rev. 22:18-19 technically applies to “the book of this prophecy” AKA Revelation…)

Anger

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: pinterest

Y’all might have picked up on some “passion” from this writing. You might even read in a tang of bitterness, anger, or frustration.

That is not my intention. I’ve tried to speak as frankly as possible to take away some of the sting of my point…and because, if you are born again in the blood of Jesus Christ, then we are brother/sisters.

And that’s what siblings do: smack each other around, yell at each other, and be willing to die to protect each other.

So don’t mistake my sincere frustration for anything more hostile than sisterly care for the state of your witness and mentality.

I’ll be blunt…I don’t feel that care from your material.

When I open your newsletter and see a cartoon man guiltily holding an ESV, it hurts.

The ESV is one of the best translations for balancing the sense of the original languages (Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic) and communicating clearly with a modern English audience.

If Cartoon Man had been dropping the KJV for a TNIV or a Jehovah’s Witness Bible, I would agree with your condemnation.

But the ESV?

Attacking a solid translation isn’t fair.

You’re dying on this hill…and it ain’t pretty.

You’ve dedicated countless newsletter articles to this issue…You even have entire tracts dedicated – not to sharing the Good News of Jesus our Savior – but to the KJV!

I get you love it…but is it really so important to tell everyone that every single Bible translation is corrupted by some Satanic Catholic cult except your precious gold-plated King Jimmy?

(That sounds like the pop-up on that website I visited telling me about Jesus’ super secret cure for diabetes!)

The unbelievers are watching. Weak Christians are watching you. What do you want them to hear you say?

“Jesus washes us from our sins and teaches us to follow Him!”

or

“You need to be using my Bible or you’re a degenerate, reprobate heretic who’s probably not saved to begin with.”

One of these feels a whole lot more loving to me.

Your reasons are your own.

I don’t care if you really, really want to use the KJV. Whatever. You be you.

Maybe that’s what you grew up with, so it sounds familiar…maybe you like how it renders this or that passage…maybe it’s in the public domain, so can be used in new publications without any costly licenses or contracts (well, at least in the USA!).

You can defend your own preferences and make choices for your own publications without demonizing fellow sons and daughters of God!

GOD Builds His Church, Y’all!

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJVAnd God preserves His word.

Just look at the Septuagint.

This Greek translation of the Old Testament was pretty inaccurate in a lot of ways…even so far as changing the ages of the patriarchs in Genesis so that they no longer add up!

And yet, when people in the New Testament quote the Scriptures (Jesus, Paul, etc.) they use the Septuagint! (In Greek, by the way.)

Are y’all really saying that the All-powerful, All-wise God of the Universe can’t get His point across unless we use specific English words (words that even some native-speakers have trouble understanding)?!

Again, if you want to use the KJV, more power to ya.

Whatever floats your boat.

But stop telling every other Christian in the English-speaking world that we have to use some hundred-years-old translation commissioned under a Catholic king.

(Oh, yeah…y’all hate – Catholics, too. But that’s a discussion for another time.)

God speaks to the Christians in Tanzania…in Bolivia…in Indonesia…in Russia…and in Kansas. And He uses His Holy Spirit and the Scriptures to do it.

Yes, He calls us to faithfulness.

Yes, He calls us to follow to the best of our ability…to holiness…to love and patience and grace.

But…He’s like the literal MAKER AND KING OF THE UNIVERSE who sees the end from the beginning and if you’re honestly saying He needs your specific translation to reach the English-speaking world – then I have one question for you:

Whuht?

What Did God REALLY Say?

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: Unsplash

So…I wrote this section title, and suddenly remembered the person in the Bible who’s quoted as using those words.

Hint: he had a forked tongue.

Yes, there are bad translations. Some translations are better than others. But God in the person of the Holy Spirit hammers home the lessons He wants to teach each and every one of His children, and you’re not going to mess that up by reading the “wrong” Bible.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to get as close to the original as possible. But by “original” I mean the Greek/Hebrew/Aramaic that the original authors penned their words in.

It’s good to be concerned that we’re learning from reputable sources, and that we’re following God to the best of our ability.

But we’re all going to fall flat on our faces…and Jesus has to pick us up and help us walk again.

Remember Job: Satan is a dog on God’s leash.

Don’t you give that liar more credit than he deserves. He’ll try to twist our Scriptures, pull our pastors away after riches and sex, and confuse us with constant arguments about tiny details that don’t matter.

He’ll try.

But he can’t touch us unless our King and Master allows it…to test us, to teach us, or to teach someone else something.

So stop being so afraid! God’s got it!

The vibe I get from your material is that you’re so controlling and fixated on this particular aspect that you’ve taken your eyes off some other things that are equally (or perhaps more?) important:

“I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in the heavens above, or on the earth beneath, or in the waters below.”

“You Pharisees have abandoned the teaching of God in favor of man’s tradition. Foolish hypocrites!”

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I gain nothing.”

“The one who is weak should not judge the brother who is strong…and the one who is strong should not despise the brother who is weak.”

“Little children, love one another, for love comes from God.”

(Those are “off-the-top-of-my-head translations” of Exodus 20:1-4/Deut. 5:6-8; Mark 7:6-13; 1 Cor. 13:1-2; Rom. 14:1-4, 9-13; and 1 John 4:7-8)

I hope, hidden in my words here, you can feel the love…somewhere.

And I write this message with the firm conviction that y’all will…do precisely whatever you please.

But I had to write because I would hate for you to hum along without ever being confronted with an alternate perspective – AKA never being given the chance to choose differently.

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJV

Image credit: Oliver Roos on Unsplash

Just as, in my own walk, I would far rather my church family bring issues to my attention so I can grow and improve…rather than let me float along in error without a clue.

Because the other thing the Holy Spirit does is He puts people in our lives to challenge us, irritate us, have painful conversations with us, and rub off our rough edges to make us more pure for our Father.

So to anyone who actually reads this…thank you!

Keep up the good work!

Fear not…God is king!

And if God starts poking you over something…well, it’s best if you listen the first time, is all I’m sayin’.


Featured image credit

Open Letter to Chick Publishing — Kimia Wood — King James Version KJVKimia Wood is a Christian – fundamentalist – patriarchalist.

She also writes novels full of lovable characters and mysterious plots. She’s currently living with her family somewhere in the American Midwest, bracing for the collapse of society by knitting, baking, hobby-farming, and reading as much Twitter as possible before the web goes dark.

Subscribe to the mailing list for a FREE e-copy of her post-apocalyptic adventure novella Soldier! You’ll also receive periodic updates on her latest reading and writing exploits.